The Purpose of Singleness Devotional: Week 2

Text: Jeremiah 31:3-4

Recently, I was asked "why are you single?" Instead of giving him the death stare and the full-out long story. I simply said "the Lord knows what I need now is my maker and not a mate". It took a while for me to understand my reason for my singleness, but I am glad that I did. You see currently I am single because my heart isn't ready to receive such a blessing. This minor pause is my protection! The lord is allowing me to become whole again in order to be filled with his love. I mean how can I, at this moment, be a partner for someone when I am just becoming acquainted with who I am. It wasn't until recently where I realized my strengths and weaknesses. Although, I have so much growing to do I know that whatever is meant for me will never pass me.
You see the enemy will try to get you to stress about your relationships and whether you will meet that special person. He knows if he can get you to worry about the future, it robs the power of what God wants to do in you today. The power you need is not in what God has done in the past, though you should certainly celebrate that. It is also not in what you hope God will do in the future, though you can have confidence in that. The true power is what God, through Christ, wants you to become in the here and now. The more I started to dwell on the things the lord has yet to provide me, the more I forget about the things in which he has already given. I was forgetting all of the blessing the lord has bestowed upon me and during my singleness I became reacquainted with them. I finally understand that you can’t control the people who come into your life and how they respond to you, but you can control how you invest in becoming the person God wants you to be. I am currently focusing on me and where the lord wants to take me. Although, this journey has had its ups and downs I wouldn't change it for the world, because I have faith and confidence that what the Lord has promised me is coming.

Emi Valerio | Blog

The Purpose of Singleness Devotional: Week 1

Text: 1 Corinthians 7:34

What’s the point of singleness, anyway? I remember pondering this one night, not with any resentment towards God, but just with a genuine wonder as to why I was single. Through the prompting of the Spirit, I found that to answer this question, I had to embrace why I lived… We are made by God, and called to know and live for God. Yes, we know that not everyone lives for Him but this was His intention for mankind from the beginning: that men and women would glorify Him (see Isaiah 43:7). He is to be our purpose on earth. Once grasping this truth, it is much easier to navigate our single years, as well as understand their purpose: a time to serve Christ without reserve. 1 Corinthians 7:34 gives a very clear picture on what we are to do in singleness: “The unmarried woman cares about the things of the Lord.” I believe then that the purpose for being single is to obsessively tend to the things of Jesus and the ministry of the Gospel – to use this “free” season to serve Him undividedly in ways that we’d be unable to do in another season of our life. This is not to say that if were to get married later on that we would be unable to care about the things of the Lord or be unable to serve Him wholeheartedly (don’t misunderstand, ladies!). Married women are called to do the same, only in a differently focused way (i.e. a helpmeet to a husband). But the specialness about singleness is that we are God’s direct helpmeet – His very work is our own responsibility, and we are free to do it without limitations. An example of this is Amy Carmichael, a single Irishwoman who moved to India to be a missionary. She was entirely free to do God’s work that maybe others (wives and mothers) couldn’t do necessarily in their own God-given callings. But there came a point when Amy could no longer travel and preach the Gospel as she used to. Why? Because Amy became a “mother” to eight girls whom she rescued from Indian temples and her responsibility suddenly shifted from the radical work of a missionary to the simplicity of being “mother” to her adopted daughters. It wasn’t that Amy no longer cared for Jesus or ministering the Gospel; she did, but in a focused position to caring for these girls as He had called her to. We should remember this concept when considering the purpose of our singleness. Because we don’t yet carry the godly responsibility of marriage and motherhood, we are free, and should all the more seek to sacrificially pour out our lives into the work that wives and mothers are unable to do. This is what singleness in Jesus is all about: it’s being free from vocation but free enough for the ministry of Christ without distraction. 

So You Think You've Met The One, Now What?

SO YOU THINK YOU'VE MET THE ONE, NOW WHAT?

What a loaded question?! Now, this is primarily for those who are single, dating and even courting however, you married ladies can still take away some nuggets of truth. I absolutely love the power of books, blogs, articles, seminars, conferences etc. but I also believe they’re more impactful when practical instructions are offered on how to implement the wisdom being conferred. With that being said, the three points below are my offerings to you on tips and revelations that have worked for me whether you anticipate meeting the one, you’ve already met the one, or you’re already married to the one.

1. Pray boldly

By boldly I mean: direct, sincere and grand! One of my favorite quotes comes from “The Circle Maker” by Mark Batterson and it’s so simple yet so profound: ‘God honors bold prayers because bold prayers honor God.’ (see: John 14:14)

How to Maximize Your Singleness Devotional: Week 7

Text: Isaiah 40:31

“A gentleman always knows when.” Those are the words my first lady shared with me that put my heart so at ease it shocked me for a second. That was a major a-ha moment for me after such a powerful morning service where pastor had preached such a powerful word on knowing your purpose and surrendering your will totally to the Lord. I mean it’s not a new topic (I mean what is discussed more than purpose and relationships?) so you might wonder why the excitement. However, the best thing about serving a living God and having access to His living Word is the same scriptures and topics always bring new revelations; the Word only gets better and your knowledge can only get deeper.

Anyway, we were chit chatting about my relationship status and my interest in a certain someone who was taking his sweet time to begin our courtship *wink wink* and this was her response. So short yet so sweet. And soothing; calming to my soul. I needed that. This was around the time i was so high strung on relationship talk, prayers, blogs, devotions, books, pinterest boards, seminars, workshops, you name it! Nothing wrong with preparing my heart for a spouse and learning to appreciate my singleness but my level of obsession needed a chill pill but I had no clue about that!

What I came to learn was that he was moving according to the will of God and me trying to rush ahead of him and especially of God, introduces an opportunity for disobedience.

Side bar: Let’s be conscious of how our “innocent intentions” set others up to sin and fall short of the glory of God. A good thing isn’t necessarily always a God thing. Chew on that for a minute; Selah.

Then we blame God or drift away from Him while blaming Him for the outcomes of our impatience. He never asked for our help with anything except “go ye therefore into all the earth.…” And even then, He wasn’t asking for help as in ‘I can’t do this on my own’ more like ‘come partake in my awesomeness.’

So take heart. God knows when and your mister will know when too! You don’t need to help God or to help your crush to respond. Trust that God has you hidden until he says “when.” Right now, God is crushing on you and waiting for you to look up and notice how much he loves you and longs to be in a more intimate relationship with you. when will YOU make a move towards Him?

Bernie Muinga | Blog

How to Maximize your Singleness Devotional: Week 6

Text: Genesis 32:24-26

Our culture places so much emphasis on being married or being in a relationship that being alone is considered undesirable and less than. A poll asked singles what they thought was their biggest struggle—sexual temptation and trying to be content—ranked behind being alone and lonely. But being alone is a beautiful opportunity to turn down the volume of our lives and to spend time in God’s presence.  

A quote by Lynn Whitfield makes a powerful observation. She says, “the stillness to get out of our own way and feel God’s presence is difficult because our instinct is to never be alone.” God longs to be with us, but worldly distractions keep us from being alone in His presence. Anything that pulls us away from seeking God above all else is a distraction. Even the good things that we do for Jesus could be a distraction.  

In Luke chapter 10, Jesus visited the home of sisters Mary and Martha. Mary sat at Jesus’ feet and “listened to his word,” while Martha was distracted by “much service.” Jesus says to Martha in Luke 10:41, “Martha, Martha, you are worried and distracted by many things.” Jesus valued Mary being alone with Him, more than he valued Martha doing things for Him. As single women, nothing can distract us from God like being in a relationship or wanting to be in a relationship.  

We stay in relationships longer than we should because we feel any relationship is better than being alone. We find ourselves lowering our standards just so we don’t have to be alone. “The love life of a Christian is a crucial battleground,” wrote Elisabeth Elliot in Passion and Purity. “There, if nowhere else, it will be determined as to who is Lord: the world, the self and the devil, or the Lord Christ.”  

When we are distracted—be it relationships, social media, activities, worldly pursuits, or even good things—we miss out on an amazing encounter with God. In the thirty second chapter of Genesis, Jacob’s life was forever changed when he was left alone. Genesis 32:24 says, “So Jacob was left alone, and a man wrestled with him till daybreak”. (NIV) God pursued Jacob to wrestle with him. God blessed Jacob when he was intentional about being alone and knowing Him.  

Know that God loves you and that being alone does not take away your value. God wants to do amazing things with you, through your singleness, if you would surrender to His wonderful plan for your life. Psalm 139:23-24 says, “Search me, O God, and know my heart: try me, and know my thoughts: And see if there be any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.” (NIV) 

What distractions are keeping you from being alone with God? What would God pursue you to wrestle with you about? Are you desperate enough for God to not let you go, until he blesses and changes you for His glory?


Debbie Milton | Blog

Debbie served as a guest speaker for the She is Set Apart 2016 Singles Conference - click here to access her workshop and keynote sessions.

How to Maximize Your Singleness Devotional: Week 5

Text: 1 Cor. 13:4, 5

I can remember one Valentine’s Day when my older sister threw herself on my bed and complained to me how unfortunate it was for us to be single yet another year. Apparently as girls, we were missing out on everything that the dating, engaged, and married girls were getting on this day – love notes, flowers, chocolates, snuggles, words of affirmation, and more. She felt left out, she wasn’t being loved and treated the way other girls were on February 14th and almost succeeded in making me feel the same.  

Am I right when I say that this feeling is what the majority of us single girls suffer with every Valentine’s Day? It seems like everybody, everywhere is posting all their cute couple pictures and love stories, and us single girls can easily feel like we’re missing out. 

While we are single in Christ, it is easy to feel envious or even cheated because of what others have and what others are getting on this day of the year. But this feeling is neither of, nor in the love of Christ. Our own Lord’s life was not about getting something but giving and we are commanded to take on His example.  

Amidst the love-fest we see on movies or social media, being single on Valentine’s Day is no excuse for us to become jealous, angry, or self-centered. We must resist that temptation and put our eyes back on Jesus, who, let’s not forget, is our True Love. In Him we find all the romance, love, and fulfillment we could ever need!  

What if in our season of singleness, we take Valentine’s Day and use it to express the love of Christ to others? Rather than fretting over our own wants and needs being met, what if we made the most of the day in order to benefit others? It could be as simple as baking cookies for our siblings, getting together with fellow single girls to make valentines for future husbands, or as big as going out of our way for the poor, afflicted, sick, and imprisoned (those very near to God’s heart). This way we can make the most out of our singleness on Valentine’s Day by giving to others.

Abby Elijiah | Blog

How to Maximize Your Singleness Devotional: Week 4

Text: Proverbs 4:23

Someone said, "when your conscience is speaking to you, it's actually your society speaking." Our society contributes greatly to shaping our mindsets and perspectives about life, right from our birth. It decides for us what is acceptable or not, honourable or not, decent or not. 

In my case, my society (and by society, I mean peers) taught me that it was socially unacceptable to have never been in a relationship at my age, let alone still be a virgin, mind you I am only 20 years old. It was sort of an unspoken code and I had to struggle to fit in, to be part of the 'crew'. 

One thing I learned after all the hurt and rejection I got because of the simple fact that I was a virgin, was that I let it happen. I let myself be affected by the pressure, the latent mockery, the indiscreet comments, I did not guard my heart. 

Guarding your heart is not a snap-of-the-finger thing. It will take effort to not feel anything when your society is psychologically assaulting you. But it is worth it, because you end up a better person, not shaped by society and its schemes. You can own your life, your decisions and just be you and completely love yourself! Guard your heart.


Glory Mafor | Blog

When Jesus is Your Prize: How to Flourish in Singleness

How often do we find ourselves complaining about how unsatisfying our lives are, how unhappy we’ll be until we can find the right guy to complete us? It seems like if we can only meet “the One” we’ll finally be complete and life will start once we’ve gotten married. If you use Instagram, it’s hard to escape all the pictures of cute couples, gorgeous weddings, and happily married women that are out there. It seems like marriage just makes everything so darn perfect. It’s no wonder that singleness is treated like a nuisance, a condition that has to be gotten rid of – it’s a time of loneliness, it would seem, spent in tears, endless fantasizing, and complete unhappiness because it seems like everyone else is getting their fill of what we’re apparently lacking in.

I think the reason that there is such a struggle with singleness is because most of us women are under the illusion that the only way to be happy, the only way to be “complete” is to be in a relationship with a guy. Nothing will make sense until we’ve gotten our walk down the aisle. But we’ve got it all wrong, ladies. A relationship with a guy could never make us whole – only Jesus Christ makes us whole. That hole in our hearts and souls can’t ever be filled by the love of an earthly man. Only Jesus Christ can fill and sustain us. So if the Lord makes us whole, even before a godly marriage, why aren’t we flourishing in that wholeness of Him in singleness?

Top 10 Blog Posts on Singleness for 2016

What a wonderful year it has been for She is Set Apart! We hosted our second She is Set Apart Singles conference - click here to access, launched our first ever devotional titled, Singleness = _________ - click here to access, and published some of the best blog posts on Biblical singleness. Let's take a look back at our Top 10 blog posts on Singleness of 2016.

Number 1. Not a Ruth (Why I Won't Ever Pursue A Man Again).


Number 2. Set Apart Spotlight ft. Ashleigh Manor 

Number 3. Set Apart Spotlight ft. Rosie Awori

Number 4. Fun Things to Do While Single

Number 5. Do Better

Number 6. What if He didn't Break Your Heart.

Number 7. Wait Well

Number 8. Never Been Kissed

Number 9. Set Apart Spotlight ft. Ida Pahus

Number 10. The Journey of Singleness

Becoming Content in Your Season of Singleness

For a long time I felt like I needed to be in a relationship to feel secure about my future. My heart was anxious. I wanted to lock down my future husband so there would be no doubt that I would get married. But, after my most recent break up I didn’t want to be sad. I prayed and prayed to God to help me get through this. The more I prayed the more confidence I gained and the more confident I became the more content I was. I know that God has someone for me but right now is a season of singleness and I am okay with that.

In 1st Timothy 6:7-8 it says “After all, we brought nothing with us when we came into the world, and we can’t take anything with us when we leave it. So if we have enough food and clothing, let us be content.” This verse really helped me realize that I don’t need a boyfriend/fiancé/husband to be fulfilled. I only need Jesus. He is everything I need. Nothing in this world will satisfy me as much as the Lord will.

I don’t know about you but I definitely heard those words over and over again especially growing up in the church. But when I started to speak those words over my life I actually started to believe them. Something amazing happens when you honestly start to believe the promises God has given to you. Then once you apply it to your life, trust me, you will be awe-struck. It really is amazing how God can overwhelm you with a sense of peace and contentment.  

How to Maximize Your Single Season

This week we are sharing with you a video interview we did with Janelle Brown the founder of Fearfully Fashion titled, Maximizing Our singleness.

In this interview Janelle provides some practical steps we can take to maximize our single season through blogging. So if you have ever been interested in starting a blog this video is for you.

In addition to that if you are a college student going back to school very soon join Tierraney and Janelle for Back to School Survival Guide Workshop which is a online workshop series to help you sail through your studies, enjoy campus life and maximize your single season while in college. Click here to sign up

She is Set Apart Singles Conference 2016

Clear your calendar - It's going down! She is Set Apart Singles Conference kicks off on September 16th, and you're invited to take part in the festivities. We're making this conference virtual and it will be live and online. It's FREE so come one, come all, & share with a friend.. This is going to be transformational! Registration is required to access the live conference and to be eligible for any and all giveaways. CLICK HERE TO REGISTER

How to Thrive in Your Singleness

This week we are sharing with you an interview we did with Yumi on thriving in your singleness.

In this interview we discuss the heart behind She is Set Apart. We also answer questions such as is being single during the holidays harder and is singleness looked down upon by society and the church?  We also give advice on dealing with loneliness in your singleness and how to prevent settling.

You can also click here to check out our interview we did with Yumi on our channel about how to be content during our singleness.

Set Apart SPOTLIGHT: Kirsten Neumann

I was reading a book a couple of weeks ago, and in it a character quoted Song of Solomon 8:6 “Place me like a seal on your arm and like a seal upon your heart.” This led me to listen to the song You Won’t Relent by Misty Edwards. 

For the last few years-since grade eight, really, God has been working in me and teaching me about love. It actually all started out because a guy I really, really liked kind of led me on and then told me he didn’t reciprocate the feelings after a few months.

So, God started showing me what love is. And not just Love, but how He saw me. He started giving me verses like Psalm 103: 17 “But from everlasting to everlasting the Lord’s love is with those who fear him, and his righteousness with their children’s children.” Or leading me to books that really helped me see he loves me just the way I am.  

As an unmarried young lady, I’d like to get married someday. I have the whole white picket fence, two and a half kids and perfect husband who is completely romantic while working a good steady job and will never let me down. Unfortunately, even I know that it’s an unrealistic dream.

The Journey of Singleness

"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

The struggle, we as single women face so often, is the picture we have embedded in our heads of how our lives are supposed to be. If that snapshot in your dream-scrapbook includes a handsome hubby by your side, you’re probably wondering about now where he is. Yeah, I thought he’d be here by now. Plenty of other godly, single women are thinking the same thing. I included... But my heart breaks, for the many women I have met over the years, who have settled for less than their God-given best and gave in on the journey of waiting. 

Women who didn’t believe that they were worth the fight and incredibly amazing...I am saddened by how easy it is, for us women to give our hearts away, sometimes to the most undeserving of men. Women will only begin to be choosy, when they believe that they are worth choosing. When we begin to believe we are treasures worth finding our mindsets, instantly begin to change. 

Decoding The Mystery

“The heart of human excellence often begins to beat when you discover a pursuit that absorbs you, frees you, challenges you, or gives you a sense of meaning, joy, or passion.”―Terry Orlick 

So often, we pray for the Lord to bless us: bless us with a new car, a job, a husband, or what-not. As great as these things are, most of us fail to realize that these things are merely tools for us to use, in order, to fulfill our God-given destiny.

See, inside each of us is a code, and contained within this code is the revelation of who we truly are and the purpose for our lives. Psalm 139:16 reads, "You saw me before I was born and scheduled each day of my life before I began to breathe. Every day was recorded in your Book!" God is our Creator. He is the only one who is capable of unlocking the code that's inside us. As we actively pursue the presence of God [His character, His thoughts, His heart], He'll diligently reveal His unique purpose for our lives.  

Set Apart SPOTLIGHT ft. Ashleigh Maynor

It was an October Monday morning, and this morning was different. I had dialed my parents house and was waiting for one of my parents to pick up. They both picked up knowing immediately that something was wrong.

The fact that I was wailing over the phone as if someone tried to kill me probably put them on alarm. I did feel like I was dying though! As if someone had a hold around my heart and lungs and were squeezing them like a rag, trying to get every last ounce of life out of them.

Why, was I so distraught you ask? Well, that was the day that I became…single!

You know, the nine-years-of-dating-someone-and-having-a-piece-of-your-life-that-you-thought-you-had-all-figured-out-end-right-before-your-eyes kind of single.

It wasn’t a bad break up. Neither one of us actually wanted to end things, but God had been tugging on my heart for months. Our season together was ending.

Set Apart SPOTLIGHT ft. Mallory Jones

Throughout high school, I was absolutely desperate for attention from any guy that would provide it. My dad passed away when I was 7, and I wasn’t a Christian, so I had no fatherly figure to show me what kind of love I deserved.

 

My search for validation in boys who were just as broken as I am led to involvement with a long string of emotionally abusive guys--guys who wanted me for nothing more than finding entertainment in using and humiliating me.

 

One relationship in particular lasted six years and is something I just got out of recently. Because of it, I built up sky-high walls. Aside from my best friend Matt, whom I’ve known since I was 10, you couldn’t have gotten me close to a guy if you paid me.

 

I simultaneously craved being loved and was completely terrified of finding it.

Set Apart SPOTLIGHT ft Ida Pahus

Have you ever caught yourself in thinking, “if I have a boyfriend it would be so much easier for me to feel loved?” As a single woman myself, I must admit that thoughts like this have crossed my mind. Sometimes we feel  if we just had that special someone we would be so much more loved.

You know what? Even if not one person in the whole world who loved you, you would still be just as loved as a person loved by every single person in the whole world. Why? Because your worth comes from Jesus. It does not come from a boyfriend or anyone else. Others’ love or lack of love for us can never ever change Jesus’ love for us. Your worth is found in Jesus. He is the One who defines you. As 1 John 4:7 says, “… for love comes from God.”

Your worth comes from your creator. The One who created with a purpose and for a purpose. When you have Him, you never need anyone else to be loved. Because you are!

Steady, My Heart

“The light of God will cause you to give up a man you can see for a man you cannot see!”  Bishop T.D Jakes

I saw this on my Instagram feed and immediately had to stop and have a moment with God. This quote transported me into my past, reminding me of the many mixed emotions that were involved when my previous relationships ended. I remember feeling like I had gotten the green light from God about pursuing a relationship with each person. I had prayed, fasted, done character evaluations (of them), considered our many previous conversations about God, life and love and felt like we had aligned beliefs and visions for the future. When things started coming up that showed otherwise, I was devastated! Was God now saying the opposite? Had I heard wrong? Had I heard at all?

Oh but I did hear... selectively! I was so busy listening for a confirmation that I missed the convictions. God was trying to show me areas that I needed to grow more in but i wasn't looking to hear that. Clearly, I missed the hints. What ended up happening instead, was that I’d only gotten a clear vision on the other person’s shortcomings, remaining blind to my own. But doesn’t it take two to tango? Sometimes we have to let go because WE are the problem. We attract who we are and when our identity doesn't reflect Christ, neither will our partners’. These unholy relationships can only breed compromise.