Before I used to think that being single was something to be ashamed of. I felt that I was permanently stamped with an unwanted sign and that my worth was measured by what others thought of me. I believed being single was not something to celebrate or be spoken about. If you were single and in conversation about singleness, it wasn't enough to just say "I'm single" it had to be followed by "Oh actually there is this guy that I like..." As soon as I said that, people were interested in me and what I had to say. God forbid you would just say that you were just single as people would automatically think "What is wrong with her?"
I went to an all girls school and I felt all kinds of pressure coming from my peers who already had boyfriends and we having pre-marital sex. I just didn't understand why nobody wanted me. I remember a girl saying to me that if you want to be noticed you have to make yourself available, really available. How you dress, how you talk, how you
walk has to be calculated to get a certain guy to like you. You had to be everything that the guy wanted you to be. Everything that the magazines said was the perfect girl for a guy. So my attention went a lot to my body image, of course, because that's the first thing the guy would see, your external appearance not how you were inside. Even if I mastered how to get a guy's attention by wearing shorter skirts, relaxing my hair, tall heels all that effort would be in vain. One guy actually noticed me and I thought well that girl that gave me that advice was right after all. It worked! However, I was not happy, even though I mastered the art of how to look on the outside with the help of Cosmopolitan and many magazines alike, I was empty inside and ultimately I didn't think I was worth anything. But at least I was getting the attention, right? No,actually I was getting the wrong kind of attention.
As I was growing there was one thing that stuck with me even before I gave my life to Christ and entered a relationship with Him. I remember my mum taking me aside and simply saying that my body was a temple. That Christ wanted a home in me. Someone that lived a perfect life and is love wanted to live in a tainted, selfish and lustful body like myself was mind boggling to me. But then my mum said that I am representative of Christ, that he loves me with perfect love and with that knowledge He can make me clean and whole again.
"Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies." [1 Corinthians 19-20]
But just being in His presence, His Love and Grace I have come to recognize that I am loved by someone Perfect. I know that I am pursued. With that crowned on my head and so heavy in my heart my desire to not be single faded away day by day. It was challenging because allowing the spirit of comparison to have its home in my heart really made it harder for me to accept my singleness. But ;adies, He doesn't just want us to accept our singleness, he wants us to embrace it, celebrate it, because at the end of it all you are not alone, and that was the one thing I was scared of being. Alone. But I have a Father, a Husband, a Lover he calls me fearfully and wonderfully made and desires me with all His heart. He wants to be in a relationship with me, to see me grow confident in who I am, who has created me to Be.
As I write down my dreams and desires for the future I meditate on this very verse:
"So be content with who you are, and don’t put on airs. God’s strong hand is on you; he’ll promote you at the right time. Live carefree before God; he is most careful with you." [1 Peter 5: 6-7]
I am reminded that my life is in His hands, that there is absolute security in knowing who you are and how much you mean to Him that you stop needing other things that the world offers you on a plate, no matter how attractive it may be. My need for Him is all that matters. As it is not just the matter of the mind but my heart and soul.
Our Loving Father seeks to speak to our soul. One way he reminds us of this is by asking us to fix our eyes on the things we do have. There is a reason for every season.
I am learning my singleness is a gift not a curse. What are you learning in your singleness?
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