I'm Single & I Idolize My Singleness.

I know you're probably reading the title of this post and you're thinking.  Singleness? Idolatry? Where they do that at? Oh maybe she meant to write marriage.  Marriage idolatry.  Sorry but no friends. This isn't a mistake.  Keep reading.

I finally reached a point where I was content with my singleness or so I thought. I no longer strongly desired a relationship. I convinced myself that maybe God doesn't have a spouse for me. Everyone is not guaranteed marriage right?

I had listened to so many sermons, read so many blogs, and read so many books on marriage and relationships and I deeply understood that marriage isn't a big fairy tale but it requires hard work. Sometimes you'll like your spouse and sometimes you'll want to pull their teeth out. Marriage shows you yourself. Once you're in a marriage you begin to realize how selfish, impatient, unloving & etc.... that you are. Yikes!

No, I'm good, is what I thought to myself. I'm not trying to be going through all that. No thanks. I'll stay right over here single & loving Jesus. I thought all was well. Finally I'm content in my singleness took long enough. Sadly, I was mistaken.

It's not that I was discontent it's that I confused my contentment with independence idolatry. I went from one extreme to the other. From marriage idolatry to independence idolatry. Oh my! 

Picture this. I grew up in a single parent household. My mom did everything and flawlessly I might add. Also, I'm an only child. Do the math. Single parent household + only child = SPOILED. I ran the show. I didn't get in trouble in school, I did what I was told, I was active in the church and what I wanted I got. My father didn't live with me. Therefore, for the most part I never had to answer to a male figure. Or submit to male headship. I then realized that in marriage that would all change.  I realized all the freedom I had as a single woman and how that freedom would not be there once I got married. *heavy gulp*

This is problematic. I was basically yelling, "Hey God can you void out all those prayers I prayed about marriage and wanting a spouse? Something came up and uhhh I already found the one, it's me." I was telling God that I changed my whole mind about this marriage thing because I'm too selfish for marriage. Crazy I know.

In Matthew 19:10 it says, "The disciples said to him, “If this is the situation between a husband and wife, it is better not to marry.”Jesus replied, “Not everyone can accept this word, but only those to whom it has been given. For there are eunuchs who were born that way, and there are eunuchs who have been made eunuchs by others—and there are those who choose to live like eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. The one who can accept this should accept it.” 

This is not to be taken as oh well let me stay single after all the Bible says it's better for man to not marry. After all I can serve Christ better as a single. While there is some truth to that scripture does say that we need to make sure that we are not using that as an excuse cover-up to avoid marriage because deep down we love our freedom and don't want to be inconvenienced. That's selfishness and selfishness is not of God.  

As I've been tossed from one extreme to the other what I've learned is it's great to embrace your singleness and not covet another's marriage.  However, we don't want to love our singleness to the point where we turn our noses up at the idea of marriage.  Or allow our fear of releasing our freedom to prevent us from embracing a season God has called us to.  We should ask God to help us want what he wants for us.  Not to idolize singleness or marriage but to just be content and fully satisfied in Him through whatever season we are in. We'll be talking more about this topic at the She is Set Apart Conference 2015. Find out how you can secure your ticket. Spaces are limited.

Have you ever idolized your singleness?

Any other information about the conference is listed here.
Join She is Set Apart to get access to our newsletter.

Tierraney is the founder of She is Set Apart. She currently teaches 3rd grade math and loves almost anything that comes in pink. She also serves as the Group Coordinator for the Non-Profit Organization Pinky Promise Movement. 
Blog | Youtube | twitter | tumblr | pinterest | instagram.