Single Under Pressure

Valentine’s Day has finally passed, and for some of you that probably comes as a great relief. Seeing couples together may not ordinarily be an issue for you, but there’s something about Valentine’s Day that can only be described as sickeningly sweet. Your Facebook wall is flooded with friends showing off how much their boyfriend or husband splurged on them, your co-workers get flowers and teddy bears and display them in the most prominent location on their desks, and your best friend’s boyfriend chose the most elaborate way to propose to her. 

Get ready for a rant

For some single folks, Valentine’s Day can be rough. They do their best to simply grin and bear it, but that doesn’t change the reality of what’s happening in their heart. Maybe they feel frustrated because it seems like everyone is pitying or looking down on them or maybe they wish they had a relationship so they could feel loved and desired. Truthfully, even for me as a married woman, I wish I could crawl into a hole the
entire “holiday” and only resurface the following day to hoard all discounted candy I can find. If there’s any day designed to make a woman become covetous, single or married, it’s Valentine’s… but I digress.

This post isn’t meant to be a Valentine’s Day rant as much as it is meant to bring some encouragement to all my single ladies that are feeling the post Valentine’s Day funk or even just the general stress that comes from various people in your life regarding your relationship status.

Because they said so

See, as a single person, it seemed like most of the time my being single bothered everyone else but me. I often received questions concerning my emotional wellbeing, my desire for the single phase to end so my “real life” could begin, and even questions regarding my sexual orientation (I literally had family members ask me if I was gay because for years they never saw me hanging out with guys). It didn’t matter if I was perfectly content being alone, something was wrong with me and the only way to fix it was to get me a man.

I used to think that my single days would have been a lot more enjoyable if I didn’t have to deal with the pressure of other peoples’ judgment or with holidays that celebrate those who are in relationships and offer “At least Jesus still loves you” consolation memes to the ones that aren’t.

Let me tell you something, friends. The pressure doesn’t change when you get married. Now, instead of dealing with people’s opinions on who I should or shouldn’t spend my life with, I still have to deal with peoples’ opinions on what my marriage should look like. Being in a relationship doesn’t change the fact that people feel entitled to offer their opinions on all things you.

Relieve the pressure

Whether single or married, the pressure remains, and there’s nothing we can do to keep it from coming, so we must learn how to handle it properly. Let me pass along four tips that have helped me.

·         Learn to be teachable – it’s very easy to become offended when someone approaches you  to tell you what you should change about your life, but it’s also very important to know how to take what they’ve offered, put it before God, take what is of value, and let the rest drop. 

·         Learn when not to speak – it’s not always advisable to argue your case with some people. They will believe what they want to believe about you. Nothing you say will likely change that. The best way to show them they’re wrong is through the life you live and the choices you make. 

·         Learn to see where people are coming from – people can be wrong, but it doesn’t mean their intentions are wrong. When your friend’s mom expresses concern that you’re approaching thirty and still single, just remember that even though you know being married isn’t something you need to feel fulfilled, she’s saying it because she thinks you’ll be happier if you’re married. She cares.

·         Learn to rejoice with others – if I can be brutally honest with myself and with you for a minute, when we feel pity for ourselves if we see others receiving something we want, we’re demonstrating a serious love deficit. The kind of love that Jesus encouraged us to demonstrate is the kind that genuinely rejoices with brothers and sisters when they rejoice. It puts others above self.

Nothing on this list has been completely mastered by me (maybe next year I’ll be able to scroll through my news feed on Valentine’s Day and feel my heart get happy instead of depressed), but I have chosen to make a point to ask the Holy Spirit to teach me how to be slow to speak or get angry and to be quick to love. Can we take that step together? Jesus knows better than any of us what it feels like to have people put your life on trial, so why not seek advice from Him on how to live?

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Much love,

S'ambrosia

 S'ambrosia is a published author and singer-songwriter with a heart to see God's people experience deep levels of intimacy with Him. She currently lives in Kenya with her husband where they are beginning a ministry called The Joshua Blueprint, which aims to come alongside existing children's homes to teach children various expressions of worship. 
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