How to Maximize Your Singleness Devotional: Week 4

Text: Proverbs 4:23

Someone said, "when your conscience is speaking to you, it's actually your society speaking." Our society contributes greatly to shaping our mindsets and perspectives about life, right from our birth. It decides for us what is acceptable or not, honourable or not, decent or not. 

In my case, my society (and by society, I mean peers) taught me that it was socially unacceptable to have never been in a relationship at my age, let alone still be a virgin, mind you I am only 20 years old. It was sort of an unspoken code and I had to struggle to fit in, to be part of the 'crew'. 

One thing I learned after all the hurt and rejection I got because of the simple fact that I was a virgin, was that I let it happen. I let myself be affected by the pressure, the latent mockery, the indiscreet comments, I did not guard my heart. 

Guarding your heart is not a snap-of-the-finger thing. It will take effort to not feel anything when your society is psychologically assaulting you. But it is worth it, because you end up a better person, not shaped by society and its schemes. You can own your life, your decisions and just be you and completely love yourself! Guard your heart.


Glory Mafor | Blog

Top 10 Blog Posts on Singleness for 2016

What a wonderful year it has been for She is Set Apart! We hosted our second She is Set Apart Singles conference - click here to access, launched our first ever devotional titled, Singleness = _________ - click here to access, and published some of the best blog posts on Biblical singleness. Let's take a look back at our Top 10 blog posts on Singleness of 2016.

Number 1. Not a Ruth (Why I Won't Ever Pursue A Man Again).


Number 2. Set Apart Spotlight ft. Ashleigh Manor 

Number 3. Set Apart Spotlight ft. Rosie Awori

Number 4. Fun Things to Do While Single

Number 5. Do Better

Number 6. What if He didn't Break Your Heart.

Number 7. Wait Well

Number 8. Never Been Kissed

Number 9. Set Apart Spotlight ft. Ida Pahus

Number 10. The Journey of Singleness

Fun Things to Do While Single!

Photo Credit: Miss Tierraney from MissTierraney.com

For todays blog we asked ladies in all seasons of life some fun things they liked to do while single. I hope that this post will encourage you to maximize your single season and enjoy every minute of it.

"One fun thing I like doing as a single is getting dressed up and going to my favorite coffee shop, getting something to eat and either sit and read or write in my journal or go walking at the farmers market. I think it's incredibly important to spend time alone learning to be content as a single without having to have lots of people around to make you happy." - Kristen Neumann | Blog

"I think that one fun thing to do while single is to have dates with yourself. I call it me time . For the me time I spend with myself I can be in the Word of God but it won't be in room. I like to take myself out." Not many women do that and it is unfortunate. You must be able to live with yourself. A lot of ladies cannot even stay alone for five minutes but you must learn to do it. Remember this man will occupy your life for the rest of your life.

How to be Content in Singleness

This week we are sharing with you a video interview we did with Yumi titled, Contentment in Singleness.

As single women we have to make a daily decision to choose to be content in our singleness. Contentment is not just a one time thing. You do not magically find contentment and then remain content from then on.  Instead you have to continually fight to be content. In this interview Yumi provides some practical steps we can take to be content in our singleness.

How to Thrive in Your Singleness

This week we are sharing with you an interview we did with Yumi on thriving in your singleness.

In this interview we discuss the heart behind She is Set Apart. We also answer questions such as is being single during the holidays harder and is singleness looked down upon by society and the church?  We also give advice on dealing with loneliness in your singleness and how to prevent settling.

You can also click here to check out our interview we did with Yumi on our channel about how to be content during our singleness.

Wait Well

Photo Credit: ArielleEstoria.com

That was the resounding message in my heart as I roamed John F. Kennedy Airport in NYC for the 5th hour in a row. Being raised by a military dad meant that I arrived there more than 3 hours early for my flight. Then came the bombshell that the flight was delayed by 3 hours. Then, *drum roll please* ...it was delayed by yet another hour. This was definitely not the kind of day I was looking forward to, especially since I had a 14 hour flight, a layover, and another 5 hour flight thereafter to get to my homeland, Kenya. I’m tired all over again just thinking about it and the trip happened over a month ago!

In the midst of it all, I couldn’t help but notice the uncanny parallel between my life and those delays. Better yet, my RESPONSE to those delays. Oh, the sweet sting of conviction as the Holy Spirit floods you with memories of past prayers for patience and deepened trust.

Welp! Here was the moment to practice patience and to stand firm on the promise of Romans 8:28 that every single thing that happens in my life truly works out for my good. But what was I doing instead? Murmuring like the Israelites in the wilderness who didn't even know they were about a week away from their Promised Land! (That's a sermon by itself right there but let me move on).

Never Been Kissed

Life never turned out the way I imagine it would. I am 21, a sophomore in college, have never had a boyfriend, never been on a date, and definitely never been kissed! About 85% of my friends are either in relationships, or married. Because of this, jealousy, insecurity, hatred, and low self-esteem have built up in my heart.

I have always been that girl that never gets any attention from guys, and I wanted to get noticed by them. I wanted them to know that I existed. I did not love myself. I did not accept the fact that was I fearfully and wonderfully made in the image of God (Psalm 139:14).

I was afraid to look in the mirror because in my mind I was not beautiful. I compared myself to other girls at my school, magazines, and television, and in my mind they were more beautiful than me. When it came to my own definition of beauty I only looked on the outside. I wanted to have what my friends had, that girls on television had, and I wanted to have a boyfriend! While I had dream and imagine about finding “the one,” I never thought that I needed to prepare myself to be “the one.”

Do Better

Can we just take a moment to appreciate the godly desires we have! How amazing it is that we desire to do life God’s way! Living counter-culture is no joke! So again, I beseech you to really take a moment to truly appreciate our daily feats!

Selah!

I’ve become so aware of the kind of advice out there for us singles that’s so contrary to living pure and set-apart lives. Some sound like never ending lists of thou-shalt-not’s. Others are just straight up desperate tactics to get a man. “Just walk past his desk and accidentally drop something and bend to pick it up without bending your knees.” Like, seriously?

Both sets of advice miss the fullness of God’s blessing for and in a relationship. The former places the focus on the restrictions of obedience vs. the benefits of it.  The latter is just plain desperate and out of God’s will. Remember “he that findeth…?”

Single, Saved, and Parenting!

My journey of singleness really only began three years ago. Prior to this, I had been saved for 2 years and backslidden for 3. I guess I really craved the comfort, affirmation and validation that I thought only exists in a relationship. I had no real revelation of grace and had almost aborted my destiny. But God is faithful, and even in my mess, He pulled me and my then 9-month old daughter out of a dysfunctional relationship.

So there began my journey. It wasn’t just about being physically single, but of learning to become exclusively His: physically, mentally and emotionally devoted to Christ. I believe that no matter how much we may have compromised in the past, we don’t have to settle for a life of compromise as a result. God desires for and enables us to live in purity, free from sin, guilt, condemnation and shame.

My journey these past few years has been one of healing, learning obedience, and trusting God through it all. Soon enough, I found myself learning to enjoy the present and remain hopeful for the future. Yet, there was still something missing. For a long time, I still felt a discontentment deep down.

Decoding The Mystery

“The heart of human excellence often begins to beat when you discover a pursuit that absorbs you, frees you, challenges you, or gives you a sense of meaning, joy, or passion.”―Terry Orlick 

So often, we pray for the Lord to bless us: bless us with a new car, a job, a husband, or what-not. As great as these things are, most of us fail to realize that these things are merely tools for us to use, in order, to fulfill our God-given destiny.

See, inside each of us is a code, and contained within this code is the revelation of who we truly are and the purpose for our lives. Psalm 139:16 reads, "You saw me before I was born and scheduled each day of my life before I began to breathe. Every day was recorded in your Book!" God is our Creator. He is the only one who is capable of unlocking the code that's inside us. As we actively pursue the presence of God [His character, His thoughts, His heart], He'll diligently reveal His unique purpose for our lives.  

Is He The One?

“Oooh maybe he’s the one.”

“Oh no...him….”

”Ooooooh no it’s definitely him”…

”Lord, what do you think?….naah it’s him”

”Girl did you see the way those guys were lifting up their hands in worship?”

“Let’s go back next week to seize the bae”

Sound familiar?

If you’re somewhat active on social media nowadays, you can agree that almost every post is about marriage, engagement, pre wedding photo shoots, side chicks, relationship goals, how to catch a man, 10 things men want in their future wives, 5 reasons why he didn’t text back, and so much more. It’s no wonder why our thoughts have been bombarded with the pressures of getting into a relationship or finding a husband.

Set Apart SPOTLIGHT ft. Ashleigh Maynor

It was an October Monday morning, and this morning was different. I had dialed my parents house and was waiting for one of my parents to pick up. They both picked up knowing immediately that something was wrong.

The fact that I was wailing over the phone as if someone tried to kill me probably put them on alarm. I did feel like I was dying though! As if someone had a hold around my heart and lungs and were squeezing them like a rag, trying to get every last ounce of life out of them.

Why, was I so distraught you ask? Well, that was the day that I became…single!

You know, the nine-years-of-dating-someone-and-having-a-piece-of-your-life-that-you-thought-you-had-all-figured-out-end-right-before-your-eyes kind of single.

It wasn’t a bad break up. Neither one of us actually wanted to end things, but God had been tugging on my heart for months. Our season together was ending.

Set Apart SPOTLIGHT ft. Mallory Jones

Throughout high school, I was absolutely desperate for attention from any guy that would provide it. My dad passed away when I was 7, and I wasn’t a Christian, so I had no fatherly figure to show me what kind of love I deserved.

 

My search for validation in boys who were just as broken as I am led to involvement with a long string of emotionally abusive guys--guys who wanted me for nothing more than finding entertainment in using and humiliating me.

 

One relationship in particular lasted six years and is something I just got out of recently. Because of it, I built up sky-high walls. Aside from my best friend Matt, whom I’ve known since I was 10, you couldn’t have gotten me close to a guy if you paid me.

 

I simultaneously craved being loved and was completely terrified of finding it.

Set Apart SPOTLIGHT ft Ida Pahus

Have you ever caught yourself in thinking, “if I have a boyfriend it would be so much easier for me to feel loved?” As a single woman myself, I must admit that thoughts like this have crossed my mind. Sometimes we feel  if we just had that special someone we would be so much more loved.

You know what? Even if not one person in the whole world who loved you, you would still be just as loved as a person loved by every single person in the whole world. Why? Because your worth comes from Jesus. It does not come from a boyfriend or anyone else. Others’ love or lack of love for us can never ever change Jesus’ love for us. Your worth is found in Jesus. He is the One who defines you. As 1 John 4:7 says, “… for love comes from God.”

Your worth comes from your creator. The One who created with a purpose and for a purpose. When you have Him, you never need anyone else to be loved. Because you are!

Singleness is a Time to Build Up | Part 1

Careful planning puts you ahead in the long run; hurry and scurry puts you further behind. Proverbs 21:5

There is no better season in life than singleness to do things probably you will not have time to do later. Things which will put you ahead in the long run in life. This is the theme of this post, to let you know this your opportunity to build up a purposeful life which will harvest good fruits later in life. Even more, if you plan well, you will see those fruits in your children’s life also.

Singleness is a time to:

1.    Grow up spiritually: Many writers have written about this subject, so I will only add that you probably will not have as much free time as you wish later in life. Marriage and children, although great blessings, are also huge energy and time consumers. This is the best time to set up a deep relationship with God

Steady, My Heart

“The light of God will cause you to give up a man you can see for a man you cannot see!”  Bishop T.D Jakes

I saw this on my Instagram feed and immediately had to stop and have a moment with God. This quote transported me into my past, reminding me of the many mixed emotions that were involved when my previous relationships ended. I remember feeling like I had gotten the green light from God about pursuing a relationship with each person. I had prayed, fasted, done character evaluations (of them), considered our many previous conversations about God, life and love and felt like we had aligned beliefs and visions for the future. When things started coming up that showed otherwise, I was devastated! Was God now saying the opposite? Had I heard wrong? Had I heard at all?

Oh but I did hear... selectively! I was so busy listening for a confirmation that I missed the convictions. God was trying to show me areas that I needed to grow more in but i wasn't looking to hear that. Clearly, I missed the hints. What ended up happening instead, was that I’d only gotten a clear vision on the other person’s shortcomings, remaining blind to my own. But doesn’t it take two to tango? Sometimes we have to let go because WE are the problem. We attract who we are and when our identity doesn't reflect Christ, neither will our partners’. These unholy relationships can only breed compromise.

He Says I'm Worth It But Am I?

His pursuit is constant, unwavering and unmatched. However, at times, we can't help but think: Am I actually worth pursuing? Does He really want all of me? The answer is YES! Even the most darkest and untouchable parts of ourselves we refuse to acknowledge or have buried over time, He wants it all and He wants it all today. It doesn't make sense that despite my past, the mistakes I made that He would pursue me relentlessly but the truth is His pursuit is intentional, pure and weighted with a purpose. By nailing himself on the cross to carry all mankind's sins serves as a reminder that we were worth it and the beauty of it all is that we didn't even have to say yes to Him first.

Singleness = Pursued

If we are not careful we may desire to be married so bad that we become distracted and we forget about God and what he has made us to do. Matthew 28:19-20 clearly states what we should be doing in every season of life.

"Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.” Matthew 28:19-20

This applies to everyone whether single or married.

If we loose sight of this we can become just like Gomer in the book of Hosea. We go after our lovers and forget the Lord.

The Big "V"



Photo Credit: Arielle Estoria Chroniclesofalioness.com

Had that “no new friends” bandwagon that people have been jumping on left and right come out a few years ago, I would be sitting front row and center. Even though I’m a very friendly person, I’m also private and it wasn’t until a few years ago that I also used this as an excuse not to let people in. I talked to a lot of people but my interactions for a long time were limited to courteous ‘hellos’ and ‘how’s your week been?’ I was content with my handful of close friends, and my family who were my support system and  accountability partners.

7 Reasons You Should Love Yourself





Photo Credit: Arielle Estoria Chroniclesofalioness.com

I went through most of my life wishing I could be someone else. Someone who was popular, went out with friends, had a boyfriend or two, and knew all the right things to say. Instead, I stayed home most of the time, reading books, watching TV, and waiting for the day when something in my life would change.

That day happened when I was in my early twenties and I accepted Jesus as my Lord and Savior.

There are many things that Jesus says in the Bible that to most would be considered scandalous. But one of the things He commanded is something that even to the daughters of God can be hard to accept.

“Teacher, which is the great commandment in the law?”
Jesus said to him, “You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind.’ This is the first and great commandment. And the second is like it: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ On these two commandments hand all the Law and the Prophets.”  (Matthew 22:36-40)