How to Maximize Your Singleness Devotional: Week 3

Text: Luke 13:11-13

Hello my lovely singles! A dear friend of mine once said: “…one thing you DO NOT want to do is get into a relationship with low self-esteem. You will begin to question your boyfriend/husband’s faithfulness, his truthfulness [about being beautiful] and your negative thoughts become power, and that power consumes you, making you feel like the ugliest being on the planet and that makes you feel alone -- even when you are coupled.” WOW! Powerful statement, right? 

You know, it’s my opinion that as children of God, many Spirit-filled believers may not be whole in certain areas. Allow me to explain. *Lea was friends with Mike for a few years before they decided they liked each other. Lea was saved, in school, working and loving life. Mike was also saved, educated, and a hard-working guy. They dated for awhile–all giddy with excitement about marriage, kids and maybe even a dog🙂. But, they didn’t make it. And it wasn’t all HIS fault. While Lea was Holy-Ghost filled, she was NOT healed from the hurts from her past relationships---and that manifested itself in various ways. For example, Lea wasn’t a big sports fan, but would muster up excitement while watching ESPN with Mike. Hey, she hadn’t had a date in years and didn’t want to mess this up. When Mike cancelled dates at the last minute, Lea was upset, but rather than talk about it, she pretended she was ok. After all, she didn’t want to seem like a nag and wanted to prove she was Christ-like and able to forgive. She even lied to him about how far she went with past boyfriends, so he’d stay interested in her. In short, Lea’s self-esteem was so low, she felt she had to be a certain way in order to keep him around and interested. It was tiring to Lea to keep pretending, but it was the only way she knew to operate so he’d stick around. Eventually one thing led to another, and the relationship ended. Lea, (like many other women) was so battle-weary from past rejections, hurts, self-doubt, watching friends get boyfriends/married, etc., that when this guy came along, she allowed the whispers of doubt and fear from the enemy control her thoughts and actions. This is where she needed to allow the Lord to come in and heal her. 

This reminds me of the woman with the spirit of infirmity Luke 13:11-13. She had lived with this issue for eighteen years, and was bowed together, and could in no way lift up herself. For Lea, every rejection, negative comment, the tormenting voices–all that pain began to pile up and weigh her down to a point where she could not lift herself up, like many of us. But just as Jesus saw and called the woman to be loosed from her infirmity, He is calling to us to be healed as well! 

Facing up to the things that hurt us is difficult and painful, but so is carrying it around! And with healing from Jesus, you don’t have to anymore! Jesus is calling us to be made whole in all the areas of our lives, foremost for HIS glory, as we fulfill the great commission (see Matthew 28:19), which will in turn, prepare us for a potential mate, if that is God's will. Either way, Jesus wants you to be made whole! 

Today, ask God in faith to lift you up from all areas you are bowed down in, bless you to be confident through Him, and replace the areas of fear with His perfect love (I John 4:18). Take comfort in knowing that it is His pleasure to heal you and then walk upright and see the “whole” bright future God has for you! God bless you! *Names have been changed to protect identities

Guest blogger - Blenda Anderson | Blog

Blenda served as a guest speaker for the She is Set Apart 2016 Singles Conference - click here to access her workshop sessions.

How To Maximize Your Singleness Devotional: Week 1

Text: Mark 11:13-14

I use to be very insecure about myself. I would always compare myself with some others sisters in the Lord. This comparison would bring nothing but fears, depression and doubt. Every time I would compare myself with someone, I would be filled with the fear of failing and think 'low' about myself. Because of this, it slowed down my growth in the Lord. 

Have you ever compared yourself to someone? Especially to another single Christian Lady? Well, I am sure that you know by now that you will not enjoy your singleness if you keep doing it. 

Our singleness is a sensitive period where God shapes our character and even polishes it. When I think of singleness, I have in mind the picture of a teenager that has to mature to enter into the real world. 

Marriage is not for babies but for adults. God wants us to mature in all the areas of our lives. After God taught me about marriage, He showed me why I had to wait. He told me that I was created to become the helper of someone else. But how can you be a helper if you are not mature and productive? How can you help someone if you are unfruitful? 

God taught me about fruitfulness. You and I have to bear fruits in order to maximize our singleness. Before Adam saw Eve, he already had a mission and vision. He was doing something with his life. Do not become the burden of someone else. You need to be fruitful in all you do. This is how you will maximize your singleness. 

God is so serious about fruitfulness that through Jesus He cursed a fig tree because it was not bearing fruits! Although the Word tells us that it was not yet the season for figs, it didn’t change Jesus’ mind. No matter the season, this tree had to bear fruits. Do not wait to be married to be productive! What do you have in your hands? In which department are you serving in your church? Are you a soul winner? Do you talk to your friends about Jesus? Do you pray for your friends when they are sick? Do you pray for your leaders, your church? If you are leading a group, are your sheep growing under your leadership? What are you sowing and what are you reaping? God is serious about fruitfulness. Any talent God put in us must mature and I think as we are still single, it is the proper time for us to develop and build a strong foundation for our ministries and personal walk with Jesus. 

Maximize your singleness by desiring to mature. Be fruitful in all the areas of your life. Do not preach the message but be the message. When we are fruitful, it is only showing that we are in good health but also that God is happy with us. May we be fruitful trees in Jesus Name!


Guest Blogger - Tabitha Larissa Joy Ondo | Blogger

How to Maximize Your Single Season

This week we are sharing with you a video interview we did with Janelle Brown the founder of Fearfully Fashion titled, Maximizing Our singleness.

In this interview Janelle provides some practical steps we can take to maximize our single season through blogging. So if you have ever been interested in starting a blog this video is for you.

In addition to that if you are a college student going back to school very soon join Tierraney and Janelle for Back to School Survival Guide Workshop which is a online workshop series to help you sail through your studies, enjoy campus life and maximize your single season while in college. Click here to sign up

Fun Things to Do While Single!

Photo Credit: Miss Tierraney from MissTierraney.com

For todays blog we asked ladies in all seasons of life some fun things they liked to do while single. I hope that this post will encourage you to maximize your single season and enjoy every minute of it.

"One fun thing I like doing as a single is getting dressed up and going to my favorite coffee shop, getting something to eat and either sit and read or write in my journal or go walking at the farmers market. I think it's incredibly important to spend time alone learning to be content as a single without having to have lots of people around to make you happy." - Kristen Neumann | Blog

"I think that one fun thing to do while single is to have dates with yourself. I call it me time . For the me time I spend with myself I can be in the Word of God but it won't be in room. I like to take myself out." Not many women do that and it is unfortunate. You must be able to live with yourself. A lot of ladies cannot even stay alone for five minutes but you must learn to do it. Remember this man will occupy your life for the rest of your life.

She is Set Apart Singles Conference 2016

Clear your calendar - It's going down! She is Set Apart Singles Conference kicks off on September 16th, and you're invited to take part in the festivities. We're making this conference virtual and it will be live and online. It's FREE so come one, come all, & share with a friend.. This is going to be transformational! Registration is required to access the live conference and to be eligible for any and all giveaways. CLICK HERE TO REGISTER

How to be Content in Singleness

This week we are sharing with you a video interview we did with Yumi titled, Contentment in Singleness.

As single women we have to make a daily decision to choose to be content in our singleness. Contentment is not just a one time thing. You do not magically find contentment and then remain content from then on.  Instead you have to continually fight to be content. In this interview Yumi provides some practical steps we can take to be content in our singleness.

How Media Influences the Single Woman

This week we are sharing with you a video interview we did with Christi Given host of JUCE TV titled, Media Influence and the Single Woman.

How do you feel about being a single woman? Whatever your answer was the way you view your singleness is heavily influenced by the media you consume.  TV shows, music, and social media influences our life.  The influence can either be positive or negative.  It is important that as a woman of God especially being single that we are cautious of the media that we allow ourselves to consume.  As a Christian woman who works in the entertainment industry Christi gives advice to single women on how they can guard their heart from negative media.

So You Are Single?

“Yes. I am single. “I replied smiling. The man looked at me. He could not understand how a pretty woman like me could still be single at my age (I am 26 by the grace of God)!!! His reaction made me laugh. I mean why should I enter into a relationship, I asked him. He replied “I believe that A relationship will lead you into marriage”, I smiled and told him “A relationship should have a purpose; I cannot just date or enter in a marriage with no purpose and no vision.”

The Bible teaches us in John 3:16 that Christ was sent for a purpose. He was saved so we could not perish in hell but have everlasting life. By the Grace of God, I strongly believe that all I do and will do in the future has a purpose. My life has a purpose. My singleness has a purpose. My finances status has a purpose. My friendship has a purpose. If I remove the purpose, I remove my identity in Christ. Christ is my image and His Word tells me that all He does has a purpose.

How to Deal With Your Daddy Issues In Singleness

This week we are sharing with you a video interview we did with Kia Stephens of Father Swap titled, Single Daughters and Silent Fathers.

Many women have grown up without a father present in their lives.  Even if he was around and you grew up with him he was not really active in your life and maybe you didn't really have a relationship with him.  In this interview we discuss how growing up without your father impacts your romantic relationships.  Kia also provides practical steps you can take right now as a single to be healed from your daddy issues and wounds.  

The Journey of Singleness

"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

The struggle, we as single women face so often, is the picture we have embedded in our heads of how our lives are supposed to be. If that snapshot in your dream-scrapbook includes a handsome hubby by your side, you’re probably wondering about now where he is. Yeah, I thought he’d be here by now. Plenty of other godly, single women are thinking the same thing. I included... But my heart breaks, for the many women I have met over the years, who have settled for less than their God-given best and gave in on the journey of waiting. 

Women who didn’t believe that they were worth the fight and incredibly amazing...I am saddened by how easy it is, for us women to give our hearts away, sometimes to the most undeserving of men. Women will only begin to be choosy, when they believe that they are worth choosing. When we begin to believe we are treasures worth finding our mindsets, instantly begin to change. 

Wait Well

Photo Credit: ArielleEstoria.com

That was the resounding message in my heart as I roamed John F. Kennedy Airport in NYC for the 5th hour in a row. Being raised by a military dad meant that I arrived there more than 3 hours early for my flight. Then came the bombshell that the flight was delayed by 3 hours. Then, *drum roll please* ...it was delayed by yet another hour. This was definitely not the kind of day I was looking forward to, especially since I had a 14 hour flight, a layover, and another 5 hour flight thereafter to get to my homeland, Kenya. I’m tired all over again just thinking about it and the trip happened over a month ago!

In the midst of it all, I couldn’t help but notice the uncanny parallel between my life and those delays. Better yet, my RESPONSE to those delays. Oh, the sweet sting of conviction as the Holy Spirit floods you with memories of past prayers for patience and deepened trust.

Welp! Here was the moment to practice patience and to stand firm on the promise of Romans 8:28 that every single thing that happens in my life truly works out for my good. But what was I doing instead? Murmuring like the Israelites in the wilderness who didn't even know they were about a week away from their Promised Land! (That's a sermon by itself right there but let me move on).

Never Been Kissed

Life never turned out the way I imagine it would. I am 21, a sophomore in college, have never had a boyfriend, never been on a date, and definitely never been kissed! About 85% of my friends are either in relationships, or married. Because of this, jealousy, insecurity, hatred, and low self-esteem have built up in my heart.

I have always been that girl that never gets any attention from guys, and I wanted to get noticed by them. I wanted them to know that I existed. I did not love myself. I did not accept the fact that was I fearfully and wonderfully made in the image of God (Psalm 139:14).

I was afraid to look in the mirror because in my mind I was not beautiful. I compared myself to other girls at my school, magazines, and television, and in my mind they were more beautiful than me. When it came to my own definition of beauty I only looked on the outside. I wanted to have what my friends had, that girls on television had, and I wanted to have a boyfriend! While I had dream and imagine about finding “the one,” I never thought that I needed to prepare myself to be “the one.”

Do Better

Can we just take a moment to appreciate the godly desires we have! How amazing it is that we desire to do life God’s way! Living counter-culture is no joke! So again, I beseech you to really take a moment to truly appreciate our daily feats!

Selah!

I’ve become so aware of the kind of advice out there for us singles that’s so contrary to living pure and set-apart lives. Some sound like never ending lists of thou-shalt-not’s. Others are just straight up desperate tactics to get a man. “Just walk past his desk and accidentally drop something and bend to pick it up without bending your knees.” Like, seriously?

Both sets of advice miss the fullness of God’s blessing for and in a relationship. The former places the focus on the restrictions of obedience vs. the benefits of it.  The latter is just plain desperate and out of God’s will. Remember “he that findeth…?”

Single, Saved, and Parenting!

My journey of singleness really only began three years ago. Prior to this, I had been saved for 2 years and backslidden for 3. I guess I really craved the comfort, affirmation and validation that I thought only exists in a relationship. I had no real revelation of grace and had almost aborted my destiny. But God is faithful, and even in my mess, He pulled me and my then 9-month old daughter out of a dysfunctional relationship.

So there began my journey. It wasn’t just about being physically single, but of learning to become exclusively His: physically, mentally and emotionally devoted to Christ. I believe that no matter how much we may have compromised in the past, we don’t have to settle for a life of compromise as a result. God desires for and enables us to live in purity, free from sin, guilt, condemnation and shame.

My journey these past few years has been one of healing, learning obedience, and trusting God through it all. Soon enough, I found myself learning to enjoy the present and remain hopeful for the future. Yet, there was still something missing. For a long time, I still felt a discontentment deep down.

Decoding The Mystery

“The heart of human excellence often begins to beat when you discover a pursuit that absorbs you, frees you, challenges you, or gives you a sense of meaning, joy, or passion.”―Terry Orlick 

So often, we pray for the Lord to bless us: bless us with a new car, a job, a husband, or what-not. As great as these things are, most of us fail to realize that these things are merely tools for us to use, in order, to fulfill our God-given destiny.

See, inside each of us is a code, and contained within this code is the revelation of who we truly are and the purpose for our lives. Psalm 139:16 reads, "You saw me before I was born and scheduled each day of my life before I began to breathe. Every day was recorded in your Book!" God is our Creator. He is the only one who is capable of unlocking the code that's inside us. As we actively pursue the presence of God [His character, His thoughts, His heart], He'll diligently reveal His unique purpose for our lives.  

Is He The One?

“Oooh maybe he’s the one.”

“Oh no...him….”

”Ooooooh no it’s definitely him”…

”Lord, what do you think?….naah it’s him”

”Girl did you see the way those guys were lifting up their hands in worship?”

“Let’s go back next week to seize the bae”

Sound familiar?

If you’re somewhat active on social media nowadays, you can agree that almost every post is about marriage, engagement, pre wedding photo shoots, side chicks, relationship goals, how to catch a man, 10 things men want in their future wives, 5 reasons why he didn’t text back, and so much more. It’s no wonder why our thoughts have been bombarded with the pressures of getting into a relationship or finding a husband.

Set Apart SPOTLIGHT ft. Ashleigh Maynor

It was an October Monday morning, and this morning was different. I had dialed my parents house and was waiting for one of my parents to pick up. They both picked up knowing immediately that something was wrong.

The fact that I was wailing over the phone as if someone tried to kill me probably put them on alarm. I did feel like I was dying though! As if someone had a hold around my heart and lungs and were squeezing them like a rag, trying to get every last ounce of life out of them.

Why, was I so distraught you ask? Well, that was the day that I became…single!

You know, the nine-years-of-dating-someone-and-having-a-piece-of-your-life-that-you-thought-you-had-all-figured-out-end-right-before-your-eyes kind of single.

It wasn’t a bad break up. Neither one of us actually wanted to end things, but God had been tugging on my heart for months. Our season together was ending.

Just Another Bitter Single Girl

A couple of weeks ago, my family had something very shocking happen. My brother in law walked out on my sister and my 6-month-old niece.

None of us saw the cracks that were present in their marriage. To all of us, our brother in law seemed to be a gift from God—not just for my sister, but also for the whole family. To my mum, he was the older son to my younger brother that would teach him all the things that us sisters couldn’t. For us girls, he was the model of what it looked like to love your wife and her family. On the surface it seemed that he was our model of what the perfect man looked like.

As a young girl, growing up I read in countless magazines how it is important to have a list of all the qualities and attributes (physical or otherwise) that you wish for your future partner to have. The younger version of me saw herself marrying the modern day version of Prince Charming. In some of these daydreams, I too would be like Snow White feeding deer and seven dwarfs until Prince Charming got home after a hard day at work and of course he had with him a dozen (non-poisonous) red apples.

Set Apart SPOTLIGHT ft Ida Pahus

Have you ever caught yourself in thinking, “if I have a boyfriend it would be so much easier for me to feel loved?” As a single woman myself, I must admit that thoughts like this have crossed my mind. Sometimes we feel  if we just had that special someone we would be so much more loved.

You know what? Even if not one person in the whole world who loved you, you would still be just as loved as a person loved by every single person in the whole world. Why? Because your worth comes from Jesus. It does not come from a boyfriend or anyone else. Others’ love or lack of love for us can never ever change Jesus’ love for us. Your worth is found in Jesus. He is the One who defines you. As 1 John 4:7 says, “… for love comes from God.”

Your worth comes from your creator. The One who created with a purpose and for a purpose. When you have Him, you never need anyone else to be loved. Because you are!

Set Apart SPOTLIGHT ft. Rosie Awori

I was in a relationship for a long time. And I was the relationship had its ups and downs, but overall, I was happy with it. Then I began to pursue God seriously. I waded out of the waters of stagnation and let Him into every aspect of my life.

But when I decided to let Him guide me through everything, He touched on my relationship. I coiled like a porcupine shooting spines to protect MY relationship.

Then I took a step back and let God show me why He needed me to be isolated. For the longest time I put everything into this relationship to make it look perfect. Even though I consulted God in everything, I never consulted Him when it came to this relationship. It was mine, and although we were both Christians, I was not living up to my full potential--always concerned what the other party would think. Risks were barely a part of my choices and nowhere close to being in my vocabulary.

We prayed and professed to putting God first, but there was an unequal yoking where we were not helping each other to grow. Soon, we realized that we were crowding each other and a single pursuit of God was necessary for growth.

When I did finally, wholly trust God, I walked into a whole new kind of a life--one in which my choices are single handedly drawn by Him, and every decision I take I know I am backed by the Alpha and Omega. It is not easy, but it is worth it because I trust Him as the potter moulding me for my purpose in His plan. I will wait on Him to perfect me for my destiny.