How to Maximize Your Singleness Devotional: Week 4

Text: Proverbs 4:23

Someone said, "when your conscience is speaking to you, it's actually your society speaking." Our society contributes greatly to shaping our mindsets and perspectives about life, right from our birth. It decides for us what is acceptable or not, honourable or not, decent or not. 

In my case, my society (and by society, I mean peers) taught me that it was socially unacceptable to have never been in a relationship at my age, let alone still be a virgin, mind you I am only 20 years old. It was sort of an unspoken code and I had to struggle to fit in, to be part of the 'crew'. 

One thing I learned after all the hurt and rejection I got because of the simple fact that I was a virgin, was that I let it happen. I let myself be affected by the pressure, the latent mockery, the indiscreet comments, I did not guard my heart. 

Guarding your heart is not a snap-of-the-finger thing. It will take effort to not feel anything when your society is psychologically assaulting you. But it is worth it, because you end up a better person, not shaped by society and its schemes. You can own your life, your decisions and just be you and completely love yourself! Guard your heart.


Glory Mafor | Blog

When Jesus is Your Prize: How to Flourish in Singleness

How often do we find ourselves complaining about how unsatisfying our lives are, how unhappy we’ll be until we can find the right guy to complete us? It seems like if we can only meet “the One” we’ll finally be complete and life will start once we’ve gotten married. If you use Instagram, it’s hard to escape all the pictures of cute couples, gorgeous weddings, and happily married women that are out there. It seems like marriage just makes everything so darn perfect. It’s no wonder that singleness is treated like a nuisance, a condition that has to be gotten rid of – it’s a time of loneliness, it would seem, spent in tears, endless fantasizing, and complete unhappiness because it seems like everyone else is getting their fill of what we’re apparently lacking in.

I think the reason that there is such a struggle with singleness is because most of us women are under the illusion that the only way to be happy, the only way to be “complete” is to be in a relationship with a guy. Nothing will make sense until we’ve gotten our walk down the aisle. But we’ve got it all wrong, ladies. A relationship with a guy could never make us whole – only Jesus Christ makes us whole. That hole in our hearts and souls can’t ever be filled by the love of an earthly man. Only Jesus Christ can fill and sustain us. So if the Lord makes us whole, even before a godly marriage, why aren’t we flourishing in that wholeness of Him in singleness?

Top 10 Blog Posts on Singleness for 2016

What a wonderful year it has been for She is Set Apart! We hosted our second She is Set Apart Singles conference - click here to access, launched our first ever devotional titled, Singleness = _________ - click here to access, and published some of the best blog posts on Biblical singleness. Let's take a look back at our Top 10 blog posts on Singleness of 2016.

Number 1. Not a Ruth (Why I Won't Ever Pursue A Man Again).


Number 2. Set Apart Spotlight ft. Ashleigh Manor 

Number 3. Set Apart Spotlight ft. Rosie Awori

Number 4. Fun Things to Do While Single

Number 5. Do Better

Number 6. What if He didn't Break Your Heart.

Number 7. Wait Well

Number 8. Never Been Kissed

Number 9. Set Apart Spotlight ft. Ida Pahus

Number 10. The Journey of Singleness

How Media Influences the Single Woman

This week we are sharing with you a video interview we did with Christi Given host of JUCE TV titled, Media Influence and the Single Woman.

How do you feel about being a single woman? Whatever your answer was the way you view your singleness is heavily influenced by the media you consume.  TV shows, music, and social media influences our life.  The influence can either be positive or negative.  It is important that as a woman of God especially being single that we are cautious of the media that we allow ourselves to consume.  As a Christian woman who works in the entertainment industry Christi gives advice to single women on how they can guard their heart from negative media.

So You Are Single?

“Yes. I am single. “I replied smiling. The man looked at me. He could not understand how a pretty woman like me could still be single at my age (I am 26 by the grace of God)!!! His reaction made me laugh. I mean why should I enter into a relationship, I asked him. He replied “I believe that A relationship will lead you into marriage”, I smiled and told him “A relationship should have a purpose; I cannot just date or enter in a marriage with no purpose and no vision.”

The Bible teaches us in John 3:16 that Christ was sent for a purpose. He was saved so we could not perish in hell but have everlasting life. By the Grace of God, I strongly believe that all I do and will do in the future has a purpose. My life has a purpose. My singleness has a purpose. My finances status has a purpose. My friendship has a purpose. If I remove the purpose, I remove my identity in Christ. Christ is my image and His Word tells me that all He does has a purpose.

How to Thrive in Your Singleness

This week we are sharing with you an interview we did with Yumi on thriving in your singleness.

In this interview we discuss the heart behind She is Set Apart. We also answer questions such as is being single during the holidays harder and is singleness looked down upon by society and the church?  We also give advice on dealing with loneliness in your singleness and how to prevent settling.

You can also click here to check out our interview we did with Yumi on our channel about how to be content during our singleness.

Wait Well

Photo Credit: ArielleEstoria.com

That was the resounding message in my heart as I roamed John F. Kennedy Airport in NYC for the 5th hour in a row. Being raised by a military dad meant that I arrived there more than 3 hours early for my flight. Then came the bombshell that the flight was delayed by 3 hours. Then, *drum roll please* ...it was delayed by yet another hour. This was definitely not the kind of day I was looking forward to, especially since I had a 14 hour flight, a layover, and another 5 hour flight thereafter to get to my homeland, Kenya. I’m tired all over again just thinking about it and the trip happened over a month ago!

In the midst of it all, I couldn’t help but notice the uncanny parallel between my life and those delays. Better yet, my RESPONSE to those delays. Oh, the sweet sting of conviction as the Holy Spirit floods you with memories of past prayers for patience and deepened trust.

Welp! Here was the moment to practice patience and to stand firm on the promise of Romans 8:28 that every single thing that happens in my life truly works out for my good. But what was I doing instead? Murmuring like the Israelites in the wilderness who didn't even know they were about a week away from their Promised Land! (That's a sermon by itself right there but let me move on).

Never Been Kissed

Life never turned out the way I imagine it would. I am 21, a sophomore in college, have never had a boyfriend, never been on a date, and definitely never been kissed! About 85% of my friends are either in relationships, or married. Because of this, jealousy, insecurity, hatred, and low self-esteem have built up in my heart.

I have always been that girl that never gets any attention from guys, and I wanted to get noticed by them. I wanted them to know that I existed. I did not love myself. I did not accept the fact that was I fearfully and wonderfully made in the image of God (Psalm 139:14).

I was afraid to look in the mirror because in my mind I was not beautiful. I compared myself to other girls at my school, magazines, and television, and in my mind they were more beautiful than me. When it came to my own definition of beauty I only looked on the outside. I wanted to have what my friends had, that girls on television had, and I wanted to have a boyfriend! While I had dream and imagine about finding “the one,” I never thought that I needed to prepare myself to be “the one.”

Do Better

Can we just take a moment to appreciate the godly desires we have! How amazing it is that we desire to do life God’s way! Living counter-culture is no joke! So again, I beseech you to really take a moment to truly appreciate our daily feats!

Selah!

I’ve become so aware of the kind of advice out there for us singles that’s so contrary to living pure and set-apart lives. Some sound like never ending lists of thou-shalt-not’s. Others are just straight up desperate tactics to get a man. “Just walk past his desk and accidentally drop something and bend to pick it up without bending your knees.” Like, seriously?

Both sets of advice miss the fullness of God’s blessing for and in a relationship. The former places the focus on the restrictions of obedience vs. the benefits of it.  The latter is just plain desperate and out of God’s will. Remember “he that findeth…?”

Single, Saved, and Parenting!

My journey of singleness really only began three years ago. Prior to this, I had been saved for 2 years and backslidden for 3. I guess I really craved the comfort, affirmation and validation that I thought only exists in a relationship. I had no real revelation of grace and had almost aborted my destiny. But God is faithful, and even in my mess, He pulled me and my then 9-month old daughter out of a dysfunctional relationship.

So there began my journey. It wasn’t just about being physically single, but of learning to become exclusively His: physically, mentally and emotionally devoted to Christ. I believe that no matter how much we may have compromised in the past, we don’t have to settle for a life of compromise as a result. God desires for and enables us to live in purity, free from sin, guilt, condemnation and shame.

My journey these past few years has been one of healing, learning obedience, and trusting God through it all. Soon enough, I found myself learning to enjoy the present and remain hopeful for the future. Yet, there was still something missing. For a long time, I still felt a discontentment deep down.

Is He The One?

“Oooh maybe he’s the one.”

“Oh no...him….”

”Ooooooh no it’s definitely him”…

”Lord, what do you think?….naah it’s him”

”Girl did you see the way those guys were lifting up their hands in worship?”

“Let’s go back next week to seize the bae”

Sound familiar?

If you’re somewhat active on social media nowadays, you can agree that almost every post is about marriage, engagement, pre wedding photo shoots, side chicks, relationship goals, how to catch a man, 10 things men want in their future wives, 5 reasons why he didn’t text back, and so much more. It’s no wonder why our thoughts have been bombarded with the pressures of getting into a relationship or finding a husband.

Set Apart SPOTLIGHT ft. Ashleigh Maynor

It was an October Monday morning, and this morning was different. I had dialed my parents house and was waiting for one of my parents to pick up. They both picked up knowing immediately that something was wrong.

The fact that I was wailing over the phone as if someone tried to kill me probably put them on alarm. I did feel like I was dying though! As if someone had a hold around my heart and lungs and were squeezing them like a rag, trying to get every last ounce of life out of them.

Why, was I so distraught you ask? Well, that was the day that I became…single!

You know, the nine-years-of-dating-someone-and-having-a-piece-of-your-life-that-you-thought-you-had-all-figured-out-end-right-before-your-eyes kind of single.

It wasn’t a bad break up. Neither one of us actually wanted to end things, but God had been tugging on my heart for months. Our season together was ending.

Set Apart SPOTLIGHT ft Ida Pahus

Have you ever caught yourself in thinking, “if I have a boyfriend it would be so much easier for me to feel loved?” As a single woman myself, I must admit that thoughts like this have crossed my mind. Sometimes we feel  if we just had that special someone we would be so much more loved.

You know what? Even if not one person in the whole world who loved you, you would still be just as loved as a person loved by every single person in the whole world. Why? Because your worth comes from Jesus. It does not come from a boyfriend or anyone else. Others’ love or lack of love for us can never ever change Jesus’ love for us. Your worth is found in Jesus. He is the One who defines you. As 1 John 4:7 says, “… for love comes from God.”

Your worth comes from your creator. The One who created with a purpose and for a purpose. When you have Him, you never need anyone else to be loved. Because you are!

Set Apart SPOTLIGHT ft. Rosie Awori

I was in a relationship for a long time. And I was the relationship had its ups and downs, but overall, I was happy with it. Then I began to pursue God seriously. I waded out of the waters of stagnation and let Him into every aspect of my life.

But when I decided to let Him guide me through everything, He touched on my relationship. I coiled like a porcupine shooting spines to protect MY relationship.

Then I took a step back and let God show me why He needed me to be isolated. For the longest time I put everything into this relationship to make it look perfect. Even though I consulted God in everything, I never consulted Him when it came to this relationship. It was mine, and although we were both Christians, I was not living up to my full potential--always concerned what the other party would think. Risks were barely a part of my choices and nowhere close to being in my vocabulary.

We prayed and professed to putting God first, but there was an unequal yoking where we were not helping each other to grow. Soon, we realized that we were crowding each other and a single pursuit of God was necessary for growth.

When I did finally, wholly trust God, I walked into a whole new kind of a life--one in which my choices are single handedly drawn by Him, and every decision I take I know I am backed by the Alpha and Omega. It is not easy, but it is worth it because I trust Him as the potter moulding me for my purpose in His plan. I will wait on Him to perfect me for my destiny.

Not A Ruth (Why I Won’t Pursue A Man Again)

There I was again, asking him where we stood. Were we going to pursue a relationship or not?

I wanted to pursue one; why else would I keep asking? But every time I had to wait for his answer, I held onto the possibility even more. The last time I asked, I knew it had to be just that—the last time I would pursue him. The last time I would hold on to hope, and instead, the time to let it go no matter how painful it might be.

That wasn’t the only time I pursued. A few years before that, I chased a guy who had been going through a break up. I showed up where I knew he was going to be. I started listening to the same kind of music he liked. I didn’t want my one and only chance for love to get away. If you’ve read my other stories about my singleness, you’ll know that eventually I did get him after I prayed for him but in the end, I knew it wasn’t what God wanted for me.

Worth The Wait

Waiting is not something I do patiently or joyfully. Whether I’m waiting for a train or bus to arrive or sitting in a car waiting for the red light to turn, waiting seems to be part of life. Most of the time, I know that the train or bus will pull up to the stop or the light will eventually turn green but when it comes to my future spouse, waiting becomes so much more uncomfortable.

Back in my romance reading days, I’d get to fall in love a hundred times and sigh to myself when the characters got their happily ever after. The guy always seemed so perfect (even when he wasn’t). In high school I developed a huge crush on an upper classman who had the most incredible ice blue eyes and long, dark lashes, and I wondered if my wait would ever be over. Even after becoming a Christian, I still had those romantic fantasies swirling in my head only this time God would be at the center. But he never came through the sanctuary doors.

I found myself impatiently waiting and told God, "He better be worth the wait!"





Embrace the Longing; Interpret it Differently

What I’m about to share isn’t entirely original, but rather my take on someone else’s perspective. There’s a teaching called “The Seven Longings of the Human Heart”. Heard of it? I’d like to share it with you now and for each one add a bit of encouragement about how God satisfies each of these desires.

The first longing: assurance that you are enjoyed
 
You know that feeling you get when you tell a joke and everyone in the room laughs? For a brief moment you feel like Sally Field at the Oscars: “They like me, they really like me.” Whether it be on a large or small scale, we all like the feeling of knowing that others enjoy our company, that they enjoy us for who we are.

Guarding Your Heart VS. Building Walls

Today most of us don’t know the difference.  Including ME. It is really difficult to know , if what you are doing is out of the spirit of faith or out of the flesh of the body. Sometimes we think we are guarding our heart by studying and understanding the word, but what we may really be doing is, building huge walls around us, not giving access for people to see who we are (FYI: you will need to spend time in prayer and ask God to reveal it to you.)

We don’t allow ourselves to take that road of emotions that once led us to a place of brokenness and disappointment.  We often think,, after all that pain, and all that brokenness , our hearts are too fragile to take another disappointment or another crack . You feel comfort knowing that you have taken your brokenness  to God and allowed Him to heal you, because today you are certainly in a better place and that is only by the grace and strength of God in you.  Do you feel that the better place you are in right now is truly your destination? With much love for you I would say a blunt no -  it’s a part of the journey you are on.

Becoming A Proverbs 31 Woman [Before You Say 'I Do']

We've all heard of her before.

The Proverbs 31 woman.

She is the epitome of biblical womanhood and reaching her level seems almost unattainable. How many of us actually like to wake up early in the morning? Or have every hour of our day filled with productive tasks? Becoming a woman like this may seem impossible but whether you skip this chapter of Proverbs intentionally or feel like you can't reach such a standard of perfection, there are some great lessons we need to learn before we marry someday.

1. Be a virtuous woman. The very first description we receive of the Proverbs 31 woman is that she is virtuous (has valor). Are you pursuing your education? Are you working a full-time job and saving your money? Are you ministering to small children at Sunday school or working with your church's youth group? God has given you strengths and gifts that you are using for His glory. You are a virtuous woman!

The Importance of Spiritual Mothers

When I was 18 years old, I lost my mother to breast cancer. Prior to the day her spirit left this earth, she had been my confidant, my role model, my best friend. Saying goodbye to her was probably the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do in my life.

Shortly after her death I became aware of this nagging void in my life, an urge to attach myself to any woman that could offer me anything remotely close to what I had with my mother. To be the recipient of the outpourings of someone's heart for years only to have it abruptly end one day can leave anyone quite bewildered.

Iron sharpening iron

During that season of my life, God connected me with a dear friend and mentor who was the faculty advisor for the campus ministry I was involved with. She was only ten years older than me, but she had a strong relationship with the Lord and a love for