When I was 18 years old, I lost my mother to breast cancer.
Prior to the day her spirit left this earth, she had been my confidant, my role
model, my best friend. Saying goodbye to her was probably the hardest thing
I’ve ever had to do in my life.
Shortly after her death I became aware of this nagging void
in my life, an urge to attach myself to any woman that could offer me anything
remotely close to what I had with my mother. To be the recipient of the outpourings of someone's heart for years only to have it abruptly end one day can leave anyone quite bewildered.
Iron sharpening iron
During that season of my life, God
connected me with a dear friend and mentor who was the faculty advisor for the
campus ministry I was involved with. She was only ten years older than me, but she had a strong
relationship with the Lord and a love for
college students. As a single professional woman, she had so much wisdom to share with me, and much of my worldview regarding singleness, especially my desire to embrace it as a gift for that season of my life, came because of our times together.
college students. As a single professional woman, she had so much wisdom to share with me, and much of my worldview regarding singleness, especially my desire to embrace it as a gift for that season of my life, came because of our times together.
Throughout the majority of my college experience I talked
with her about issues with boys, concerns about singleness, and my relationship
with Jesus. Of course I had peers I could talk to about those matters as well,
but their advice wasn’t always in line with the Bible, and if I’ve learned
anything from the story of King Rehoboam (1 Kings 12), it’s that wisdom equals
heeding the advice of your elders.
Before I graduated my mentor got married, but even then the wisdom
never stopped flowing. She still encouraged me as a single woman into my late
twenties, and then when I began my relationship with my husband she was still
there with great advice that really changed my perspective on what Christian
marriage looks like.
Learning from their stories
Titus 2:4 instructs elder women to train young women to
engage in their marriages in a way that honors God. This is such an important
element of the body of Christ, and I believe it’s not just open to married
women, but single women as well.
See, my mother had a pretty sordid past and she was never shy
about telling me about her mistakes because she believed that I would learn
from her story. My story and my mother’s story are extremely different for that
reason. I learned from her mistakes and because she was there to teach me how
to honor God with my life, I didn’t have to deal with a lot of the mess she
went through.
There is so much wisdom to be gleaned from older Christian
women who have been in your shoes. Sometimes we think we have things figured
out because we’re content and have been for a good few months or maybe even years, but that doesn’t mean we know it all. There are many who have gone
before you that have learned things it would take you years to discover. Get
connected with them! Sit at their feet and learn from them. Listen to their
stories and be encouraged.
Next steps...
You don’t have to do this, but I did formally ask my friend to be my mentor, and I still do that today when I find an older woman I really look up to. I would encourage you to choose someone that you admire as a single woman (or she could be married – I’m married but I still love to encourage single women) and approach her about becoming your mentor. It may seem awkward, but it just opens the door for more regularity in your relationship. My mentor and I would try to meet once a week and those times together meant a great deal to me. I don't know if that would have happened had I not asked.
I hope and pray that each of you either already has or will soon be able to find someone that can pour into your lives and that you find someone to pour into as well. Let love flow!
S'ambrosia is a published author and singer-songwriter with a heart to see God's people experience deep levels of intimacy with Him. She currently lives in Kenya with her husband where they have a ministry called The Joshua Blueprint which aims to come alongside existing children's homes to teach children various expressions of worship.
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