"How will I know when I'm ready to consider a relationship?" As someone who is in a relationship, I get this question asked of me constantly. And honestly, it becomes harder and harder to answer the more I learn about Gods view of relationships. You see, God highly values relationships because He highly values marriage. The relationship between a man and a woman in marriage is probably Gods favorite relationship to participate in. Why else would He include it in the second chapter of the bible?
Unfortunately, the bible says very little about dating relationships between men and women and, what’s even more conflicting, is that there is little advice for when to pursue a relationship. The most He gives us is this verse:
Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.
Genesis 2:24 ESV
However, we can find more indications of what God expects of us before pursuing relationships than we may at first think.
1. God calls us to be mature before pursuing or considering a romantic relationship. The bible uses pronouns very seriously. So when the bible uses the word "man" versus "boy", it is very intentional. The fact that God says a MAN will leave his father and mother is an indicator of the maturity level, as well as age, of the person considering a relationship. For one, this means that you should be able to take care of yourself on some level before getting into a relationship. This could mean knowing how to pay bills (or even having bills), having a job, or even personality traits of mature individuals such as not gossiping or being calm in difficult circumstances. Another thing He is indicating though is that it is a good idea to be a certain age before getting into a relationship. And while there is no specific number for this, a good indicator I have found is "are you old enough to get married within the next year"? This question will also challenge the maturity level you're at. If you can't imagine yourself getting married at least within the next few years, then it'll be best to put off a dating relationship until you are.
2. God calls us to be independent before entering into a relationship. One of the most comforting parts of this passage is that God calls us to leave our father and mother before entering the relationship. This is comforting to me because it teaches my significant other to be able to take care of himself before getting into a relationship with me, and the same goes for you. The reality is, if we aren't able to be independent apart from our parents, marriage will be incredibly difficult. No, I am not saying we must be living on our own and taking on all of our own expenses before getting into a relationship. But we should be in a place to consider this reality in the upcoming years as it will soon become a reality in marriage. Rather than starting off marriage on the wrong foot, we should practice in our singleness and in our relationships how to pursue independence in a way that prepares us for the future. Plus, what's more attractive then an independent woman (yes I'm referencing the classic Kelly Clarkson).
3. God calls us to be pure. While I can only scratch the surface on the biblical importance of purity, the first glimpses of this command can be seen here. You see, when God says “…and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh”, He is inferring that this is the only one flesh bond that he will have with her. This is why it is so important to remain pure in your time of singleness. Without this discipline, the one flesh bond will be harder to achieve because you will have already bonded with someone who is not your spouse. This is why it is also important to guard your heart from past relationships. Obviously, most of us don’t choose to go through a break up, but what we can do is keep the right perspective while in a dating relationship and not be too invested in the future or too set on marrying this person until significant strides to getting married are made (such as pre-engagement counseling or becoming engaged).
Being single can be difficult, especially when friends or peers are dating around you. But fear not, because the more time you take to get to know yourself, mature, become independent, and practice the discipline of purity, the more ready we will be for marriage in the future. Hold out for God’s best and He will bless you immensely.
Jamie Costen is currently a 24 year old student American River College and William Jessup University getting her degree in Pastoral Studies. She is also a volunteer for her church's college group and works with a sexual healing ministry. She is passionate about relationships, healing, empowering women, and bible studies. She prefers her creamer with some coffee and loved donuts before it was cool to love donuts. She'd rather be at Disneyland on most days, and is always reading two books at one time. She also micro blogs on Instagram on a weekly basis. Instagram
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