An Open Letter to 20 Year Old Me

Facebook has a feature called “On This Day” and on this day a picture of me ten years ago popped up from when I was 19 years old. The girl in the picture was posing in a manner in which to appear sexy, staring seductively into the camera. She was also broken, lost and confused. I couldn’t help but chuckle as I reflected on the woman God has shaped me into and the girl I once was, with my 30th birthday two days away.  This same day I attended a luncheon called “Women Empowering Women: Owning Your Voice.” The panelist were three prestigious women who gave insight into their journey of finding their voice and purpose. The panelist were asked the question: What advice would you give your 20 year old self? The picture of me ten years ago flashed in my head and I pondered on this question and it led me to write this open letter of advice to my 20 year old self and to encourage others to truly reflect on the girl you once were and the woman of God you are striving and getting shaped into every day.

Dear Nikita,

There will be many things you will experience but despite those experiences you must never allow any of these lessons to taint or change your heart. I know you often despise that you are nice and that you love people but this is your gift from God. You are someone made by God to uplift and encourage others. Don’t take this lightly, for this character trait is the seed that God will grow in you and is tied to your purpose. Be mindful of what you speak, your mouth is powerful and your words stick. You have a way with words, so use them for God’s glory and to uplift others as much as you can.

Matthew 6:22 says, “The eye is the lamp of the body. If your eyes are healthy,[a] your whole body will be full of light” (NIV) You are light Nikita. Don’t ever allow anything or anyone to dim that light. This light is from God, so there will be many people and things that will try to diminish that but don’t you ever let it dim - EVER. Always know you are worthy. Your worth will not come from the men you date, let me repeat it again for you because you know you can be real stubborn sometimes, your WORTH does not come from a man that you date, like, love or whatever. You are worthy because God chose you when He died on the cross. Hold on to that notion that someone loved you enough to die for you even when you didn’t fully understand this concept. Any man that doesn’t value who you are as woman is not meant to be in your life. You don’t have to prove why a man should chose you, you are already chosen.

Your beauty is a gift from God, you will never be or look like anyone else, you will always be Nikita. Beauty comes from within and radiates from the inside out, so nurture your soul constantly, strive daily to have a beautiful soul. “Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. 4 Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight. (1 Peter 3:3-4, NIV) Walk in this. Embrace this. Don’t shrink yourself to fit in and don’t allow others to put you in a box. You are a dreamer. You are a visionary. You are a vessel. It’s ok to be proud of yourself. It’s ok to say no. And it’s ok to choose you before you choose anyone else. This doesn’t make you selfish. It’s ok to be selfless but don’t think of yourself less. Be fearless. When God says go, you go. Don’t let your own thoughts hinder you in your dreams, hopes, aspirations, or plans. You will make mistake, learn from these the first time and when God removes things, people, and places, don’t question it.  Give careful thought to the[a] paths for your feet and be steadfast in all your ways.” (Proverbs 4:26, NIV)

It’s ok that you prefer to read over going out. People will attempt to label you but never take on any of those labels. The highest label you should always and forever strive for is being a woman of God. Live that. Embrace that. Own that. Derek Walcott said, “The time will come when, with elation you will greet yourself arriving at your own door, in your own mirror and each will smile at the other's welcome, and say, sit here. Eat. You will love again the stranger who was yourself. Give wine. Give bread. Give back your heart to itself, to the stranger who has loved you all your life, whom you ignored for another, who knows you by heart. Take down the love letters from the bookshelf, the photographs, and the desperate notes, peel your own image from the mirror. Sit. Feast on your life.”  

​​ Most of all Nikita love yourself. It will take you some time but you will get there and when you do, there will be no turning back. Loving God doesn’t count you out, it will always count you in. Write this scripture on your heart and let it carry you through this journey of life that God has blessed you with:

“God is within her, she will not fall;

   God will help her at break of day.”

–Psalm 46:5 - NIV

Love & signed,  

Your Redeemed Future Self

Nikita

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