An Open Letter to 20 Year Old Me

Facebook has a feature called “On This Day” and on this day a picture of me ten years ago popped up from when I was 19 years old. The girl in the picture was posing in a manner in which to appear sexy, staring seductively into the camera. She was also broken, lost and confused. I couldn’t help but chuckle as I reflected on the woman God has shaped me into and the girl I once was, with my 30th birthday two days away.  This same day I attended a luncheon called “Women Empowering Women: Owning Your Voice.” The panelist were three prestigious women who gave insight into their journey of finding their voice and purpose. The panelist were asked the question: What advice would you give your 20 year old self? The picture of me ten years ago flashed in my head and I pondered on this question and it led me to write this open letter of advice to my 20 year old self and to encourage others to truly reflect on the girl you once were and the woman of God you are striving and getting shaped into every day.

Top 10 Blog Posts on Singleness for 2016

What a wonderful year it has been for She is Set Apart! We hosted our second She is Set Apart Singles conference - click here to access, launched our first ever devotional titled, Singleness = _________ - click here to access, and published some of the best blog posts on Biblical singleness. Let's take a look back at our Top 10 blog posts on Singleness of 2016.

Number 1. Not a Ruth (Why I Won't Ever Pursue A Man Again).


Number 2. Set Apart Spotlight ft. Ashleigh Manor 

Number 3. Set Apart Spotlight ft. Rosie Awori

Number 4. Fun Things to Do While Single

Number 5. Do Better

Number 6. What if He didn't Break Your Heart.

Number 7. Wait Well

Number 8. Never Been Kissed

Number 9. Set Apart Spotlight ft. Ida Pahus

Number 10. The Journey of Singleness

Steady, My Heart

“The light of God will cause you to give up a man you can see for a man you cannot see!”  Bishop T.D Jakes

I saw this on my Instagram feed and immediately had to stop and have a moment with God. This quote transported me into my past, reminding me of the many mixed emotions that were involved when my previous relationships ended. I remember feeling like I had gotten the green light from God about pursuing a relationship with each person. I had prayed, fasted, done character evaluations (of them), considered our many previous conversations about God, life and love and felt like we had aligned beliefs and visions for the future. When things started coming up that showed otherwise, I was devastated! Was God now saying the opposite? Had I heard wrong? Had I heard at all?

Oh but I did hear... selectively! I was so busy listening for a confirmation that I missed the convictions. God was trying to show me areas that I needed to grow more in but i wasn't looking to hear that. Clearly, I missed the hints. What ended up happening instead, was that I’d only gotten a clear vision on the other person’s shortcomings, remaining blind to my own. But doesn’t it take two to tango? Sometimes we have to let go because WE are the problem. We attract who we are and when our identity doesn't reflect Christ, neither will our partners’. These unholy relationships can only breed compromise.

He Says I'm Worth It But Am I?

His pursuit is constant, unwavering and unmatched. However, at times, we can't help but think: Am I actually worth pursuing? Does He really want all of me? The answer is YES! Even the most darkest and untouchable parts of ourselves we refuse to acknowledge or have buried over time, He wants it all and He wants it all today. It doesn't make sense that despite my past, the mistakes I made that He would pursue me relentlessly but the truth is His pursuit is intentional, pure and weighted with a purpose. By nailing himself on the cross to carry all mankind's sins serves as a reminder that we were worth it and the beauty of it all is that we didn't even have to say yes to Him first.

7 Reasons You Should Love Yourself





Photo Credit: Arielle Estoria Chroniclesofalioness.com

I went through most of my life wishing I could be someone else. Someone who was popular, went out with friends, had a boyfriend or two, and knew all the right things to say. Instead, I stayed home most of the time, reading books, watching TV, and waiting for the day when something in my life would change.

That day happened when I was in my early twenties and I accepted Jesus as my Lord and Savior.

There are many things that Jesus says in the Bible that to most would be considered scandalous. But one of the things He commanded is something that even to the daughters of God can be hard to accept.

“Teacher, which is the great commandment in the law?”
Jesus said to him, “You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind.’ This is the first and great commandment. And the second is like it: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ On these two commandments hand all the Law and the Prophets.”  (Matthew 22:36-40)

Better Remain Single

Photo Credit: Arielle Estoria Chroniclesofalioness.com

A couple of friends of mine have recently started dating. Contrary to how society would paint the picture of the single friend in a group of friends who are all in relationships, I don’t feel any envy, bitterness or jealousy. Gone are the feelings of self-loathing where I’d grab the magnifying glass and desperately ask God to help me in my analysis of what was or still is wrong with me. It hasn’t always been this way; in fact there are days where God has to strongly remind me that He created me to be more than someone’s girlfriend or wife. How often do we hear that in society though?

Two weeks ago I was at church and the pastor shared very briefly about how when she was single, she felt as though she was missing something and was at the end of her rope, then a week later at a wedding I attended, another pastor asked all the single people to stand up and those who didn’t stand were told that they’d miss out on their blessing. We tread on dangerous territory when we allow the standards and expectations of society to dictate the words that are spoken in the church. Nowhere in the Bible does Christ say we will miss our blessing if we’re single, in fact in the book of 1 Corinthians 7:40, Paul tells us that in his opinion it would be better to remain single.

Set Apart SPOTLIGHT ft. Laly Elgueta

There are days when you wake up and you don’t know your life will change forever. In my case it was an autumn sunshiny day when my future made a turning point to a new direction, pointed by God himself.  I didn’t know a simple pure hearted promise would shape the years to come. 

I was only 21 years old and like any other girl I wanted to experience love and romance. I had been praying about this amazing young man who was interested in having a relationship with me, but since he was not a Christian, I was hesitating. The Father had already made me know His disapproval and during that morning I was going to let this boy know about my final decision too.

Despite having an answer, I was not happy about it. I was fighting in my heart with the Father about his negative whensomething amazing happened. The Father asked me to keep myself apart for Him until marriage. I agreed because I thought I had no more choices. Now I think how little I knew God to think that. As soon as I gave Him my response He made me a question it would change my whole life story. He wanted to know if I was willing to be faithful to my future husband even before we met. That moment was a turning point in my life. An overwhelming feeling of love invaded my heart and I was able to hear the Holy Spirit’s voice saying this was the kind of romantic love I would one day experience. The only requirement was faithfulness to God and to my future husband.

Set Apart SPOTLIGHT ft. Bernadette Muinga

I'm two days into a new position (as a write this) at my old job and I'm already being stretched! Not only is my role different, but my relationships with coworkers are shifting, my responsibilities and accountability are different and boy oh boy, I'm working harder than ever before... and I already thought I worked hard!

So today at lunch, as I'm walking out, I remember I've forgotten something and quickly run back to my desk. It's like they smelled me open the door because before I could get to my desk, a ‘big boss’ pulls me into her office and shares that there are a few things that need managing before I could go to lunch. An hour and a half later, I'm peacefully seated, fed and still have a few minutes to spare. I found myself reviewing/praying on the day’s events thus far and like a bomb, it hit me: "To whom much is given, much is required." 

 

Selah... I had to chew on that for a bit!

 

Singleness = Loved

You are loved believe that.

We can not base God's unconditional love for us off of fickle conditional human love.

God so loved the world that he GAVE his only son. Same should be for us. We love so we GIVE. I think that's why my love language is gift giving and receiving. When I love I give gifts to people. And I feel most loved when others give things to me. I guess because that reminds me of how God gave his son for me. Although I was so underserving he felt I was worth it.

I think as a single it's so important to find out identity and worth in Christ before we run into a relationship and try to find our identity and worth in that other human.

One day I felt real stupid when I realized how I was unknowingly comparing God's love to human love. 

"God's love should never be distorted or diminished by comparing it with the friendship or love of any human who has let me down, rejected me, betrayed me, or lied about me." - Spoken For Book