How to Maximize Your Singleness Devotional: Week 7

Text: Isaiah 40:31

“A gentleman always knows when.” Those are the words my first lady shared with me that put my heart so at ease it shocked me for a second. That was a major a-ha moment for me after such a powerful morning service where pastor had preached such a powerful word on knowing your purpose and surrendering your will totally to the Lord. I mean it’s not a new topic (I mean what is discussed more than purpose and relationships?) so you might wonder why the excitement. However, the best thing about serving a living God and having access to His living Word is the same scriptures and topics always bring new revelations; the Word only gets better and your knowledge can only get deeper.

Anyway, we were chit chatting about my relationship status and my interest in a certain someone who was taking his sweet time to begin our courtship *wink wink* and this was her response. So short yet so sweet. And soothing; calming to my soul. I needed that. This was around the time i was so high strung on relationship talk, prayers, blogs, devotions, books, pinterest boards, seminars, workshops, you name it! Nothing wrong with preparing my heart for a spouse and learning to appreciate my singleness but my level of obsession needed a chill pill but I had no clue about that!

What I came to learn was that he was moving according to the will of God and me trying to rush ahead of him and especially of God, introduces an opportunity for disobedience.

Side bar: Let’s be conscious of how our “innocent intentions” set others up to sin and fall short of the glory of God. A good thing isn’t necessarily always a God thing. Chew on that for a minute; Selah.

Then we blame God or drift away from Him while blaming Him for the outcomes of our impatience. He never asked for our help with anything except “go ye therefore into all the earth.…” And even then, He wasn’t asking for help as in ‘I can’t do this on my own’ more like ‘come partake in my awesomeness.’

So take heart. God knows when and your mister will know when too! You don’t need to help God or to help your crush to respond. Trust that God has you hidden until he says “when.” Right now, God is crushing on you and waiting for you to look up and notice how much he loves you and longs to be in a more intimate relationship with you. when will YOU make a move towards Him?

Bernie Muinga | Blog

How to Maximize your Singleness Devotional: Week 6

Text: Genesis 32:24-26

Our culture places so much emphasis on being married or being in a relationship that being alone is considered undesirable and less than. A poll asked singles what they thought was their biggest struggle—sexual temptation and trying to be content—ranked behind being alone and lonely. But being alone is a beautiful opportunity to turn down the volume of our lives and to spend time in God’s presence.  

A quote by Lynn Whitfield makes a powerful observation. She says, “the stillness to get out of our own way and feel God’s presence is difficult because our instinct is to never be alone.” God longs to be with us, but worldly distractions keep us from being alone in His presence. Anything that pulls us away from seeking God above all else is a distraction. Even the good things that we do for Jesus could be a distraction.  

In Luke chapter 10, Jesus visited the home of sisters Mary and Martha. Mary sat at Jesus’ feet and “listened to his word,” while Martha was distracted by “much service.” Jesus says to Martha in Luke 10:41, “Martha, Martha, you are worried and distracted by many things.” Jesus valued Mary being alone with Him, more than he valued Martha doing things for Him. As single women, nothing can distract us from God like being in a relationship or wanting to be in a relationship.  

We stay in relationships longer than we should because we feel any relationship is better than being alone. We find ourselves lowering our standards just so we don’t have to be alone. “The love life of a Christian is a crucial battleground,” wrote Elisabeth Elliot in Passion and Purity. “There, if nowhere else, it will be determined as to who is Lord: the world, the self and the devil, or the Lord Christ.”  

When we are distracted—be it relationships, social media, activities, worldly pursuits, or even good things—we miss out on an amazing encounter with God. In the thirty second chapter of Genesis, Jacob’s life was forever changed when he was left alone. Genesis 32:24 says, “So Jacob was left alone, and a man wrestled with him till daybreak”. (NIV) God pursued Jacob to wrestle with him. God blessed Jacob when he was intentional about being alone and knowing Him.  

Know that God loves you and that being alone does not take away your value. God wants to do amazing things with you, through your singleness, if you would surrender to His wonderful plan for your life. Psalm 139:23-24 says, “Search me, O God, and know my heart: try me, and know my thoughts: And see if there be any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.” (NIV) 

What distractions are keeping you from being alone with God? What would God pursue you to wrestle with you about? Are you desperate enough for God to not let you go, until he blesses and changes you for His glory?


Debbie Milton | Blog

Debbie served as a guest speaker for the She is Set Apart 2016 Singles Conference - click here to access her workshop and keynote sessions.

How to Maximize Your Singleness Devotional: Week 5

Text: 1 Cor. 13:4, 5

I can remember one Valentine’s Day when my older sister threw herself on my bed and complained to me how unfortunate it was for us to be single yet another year. Apparently as girls, we were missing out on everything that the dating, engaged, and married girls were getting on this day – love notes, flowers, chocolates, snuggles, words of affirmation, and more. She felt left out, she wasn’t being loved and treated the way other girls were on February 14th and almost succeeded in making me feel the same.  

Am I right when I say that this feeling is what the majority of us single girls suffer with every Valentine’s Day? It seems like everybody, everywhere is posting all their cute couple pictures and love stories, and us single girls can easily feel like we’re missing out. 

While we are single in Christ, it is easy to feel envious or even cheated because of what others have and what others are getting on this day of the year. But this feeling is neither of, nor in the love of Christ. Our own Lord’s life was not about getting something but giving and we are commanded to take on His example.  

Amidst the love-fest we see on movies or social media, being single on Valentine’s Day is no excuse for us to become jealous, angry, or self-centered. We must resist that temptation and put our eyes back on Jesus, who, let’s not forget, is our True Love. In Him we find all the romance, love, and fulfillment we could ever need!  

What if in our season of singleness, we take Valentine’s Day and use it to express the love of Christ to others? Rather than fretting over our own wants and needs being met, what if we made the most of the day in order to benefit others? It could be as simple as baking cookies for our siblings, getting together with fellow single girls to make valentines for future husbands, or as big as going out of our way for the poor, afflicted, sick, and imprisoned (those very near to God’s heart). This way we can make the most out of our singleness on Valentine’s Day by giving to others.

Abby Elijiah | Blog

How to Maximize Your Singleness Devotional: Week 4

Text: Proverbs 4:23

Someone said, "when your conscience is speaking to you, it's actually your society speaking." Our society contributes greatly to shaping our mindsets and perspectives about life, right from our birth. It decides for us what is acceptable or not, honourable or not, decent or not. 

In my case, my society (and by society, I mean peers) taught me that it was socially unacceptable to have never been in a relationship at my age, let alone still be a virgin, mind you I am only 20 years old. It was sort of an unspoken code and I had to struggle to fit in, to be part of the 'crew'. 

One thing I learned after all the hurt and rejection I got because of the simple fact that I was a virgin, was that I let it happen. I let myself be affected by the pressure, the latent mockery, the indiscreet comments, I did not guard my heart. 

Guarding your heart is not a snap-of-the-finger thing. It will take effort to not feel anything when your society is psychologically assaulting you. But it is worth it, because you end up a better person, not shaped by society and its schemes. You can own your life, your decisions and just be you and completely love yourself! Guard your heart.


Glory Mafor | Blog

How to Maximize Your Singleness Devotional: Week 3

Text: Luke 13:11-13

Hello my lovely singles! A dear friend of mine once said: “…one thing you DO NOT want to do is get into a relationship with low self-esteem. You will begin to question your boyfriend/husband’s faithfulness, his truthfulness [about being beautiful] and your negative thoughts become power, and that power consumes you, making you feel like the ugliest being on the planet and that makes you feel alone -- even when you are coupled.” WOW! Powerful statement, right? 

You know, it’s my opinion that as children of God, many Spirit-filled believers may not be whole in certain areas. Allow me to explain. *Lea was friends with Mike for a few years before they decided they liked each other. Lea was saved, in school, working and loving life. Mike was also saved, educated, and a hard-working guy. They dated for awhile–all giddy with excitement about marriage, kids and maybe even a dog🙂. But, they didn’t make it. And it wasn’t all HIS fault. While Lea was Holy-Ghost filled, she was NOT healed from the hurts from her past relationships---and that manifested itself in various ways. For example, Lea wasn’t a big sports fan, but would muster up excitement while watching ESPN with Mike. Hey, she hadn’t had a date in years and didn’t want to mess this up. When Mike cancelled dates at the last minute, Lea was upset, but rather than talk about it, she pretended she was ok. After all, she didn’t want to seem like a nag and wanted to prove she was Christ-like and able to forgive. She even lied to him about how far she went with past boyfriends, so he’d stay interested in her. In short, Lea’s self-esteem was so low, she felt she had to be a certain way in order to keep him around and interested. It was tiring to Lea to keep pretending, but it was the only way she knew to operate so he’d stick around. Eventually one thing led to another, and the relationship ended. Lea, (like many other women) was so battle-weary from past rejections, hurts, self-doubt, watching friends get boyfriends/married, etc., that when this guy came along, she allowed the whispers of doubt and fear from the enemy control her thoughts and actions. This is where she needed to allow the Lord to come in and heal her. 

This reminds me of the woman with the spirit of infirmity Luke 13:11-13. She had lived with this issue for eighteen years, and was bowed together, and could in no way lift up herself. For Lea, every rejection, negative comment, the tormenting voices–all that pain began to pile up and weigh her down to a point where she could not lift herself up, like many of us. But just as Jesus saw and called the woman to be loosed from her infirmity, He is calling to us to be healed as well! 

Facing up to the things that hurt us is difficult and painful, but so is carrying it around! And with healing from Jesus, you don’t have to anymore! Jesus is calling us to be made whole in all the areas of our lives, foremost for HIS glory, as we fulfill the great commission (see Matthew 28:19), which will in turn, prepare us for a potential mate, if that is God's will. Either way, Jesus wants you to be made whole! 

Today, ask God in faith to lift you up from all areas you are bowed down in, bless you to be confident through Him, and replace the areas of fear with His perfect love (I John 4:18). Take comfort in knowing that it is His pleasure to heal you and then walk upright and see the “whole” bright future God has for you! God bless you! *Names have been changed to protect identities

Guest blogger - Blenda Anderson | Blog

Blenda served as a guest speaker for the She is Set Apart 2016 Singles Conference - click here to access her workshop sessions.

How To Maximize Your Singleness Devotional: Week 2

Text: 1 Corinthians 13:11
One of the ways we can maximize our single season is by committing to maturing. I’m learning through motherhood that having the responsibility of nurturing, serving and being an example in any capacity requires maturity. It requires a soul that is committed to practicing the putting away of childish things. Putting off the old man and putting on the new, walking and abiding in the Spirit that He might bring forth His fruit in us. 

We often have it presented to us that womanhood is all about outward femininity and the ability to keep a home, so once we are able to do those things we consider ourselves women, but when ‘life happens’ we end up responding like girls. Girls gossip, keep a victim mentality, feel entitled, avoid responsibility and harbor toxic emotions. This cannot be our response if we are to walk purposefully and as representatives of Christ. 

I believe if we want to fulfil our destiny then we must commit to maturing into women according to God’s standards. A woman who is still a girl on the inside, may struggle to be effective in marriage, motherhood and ministry because she lacks the capacity to maximize those positions. Of course God’s Grace catches us when we become wives and mothers, while still being girls inwardly, and He doesn’t call us to serve Him once we’ve got it all together, but committing to truly maturing can save some heartache and frustration. 

God is not just preparing us for a wedding day; He’s preparing us for a life of worship and an eternity of oneness! So let us submit to His work in us, remembering it is by His Spirit, and our simple obedience. Prayer: Father help us to see womanhood through Your eyes, and give us the heart to commit to the process. Thank you that singleness is the perfect moment to focus on being who You have pre-ordained and unbecoming all that You have not. Teach us what it is walk in love, and bear fruit that matures and remains. Teach us to abide that our souls might remain steadfast. Help us to overcome the flesh and walk according to the new man, that we might be effective in every season. Teach us to be responsible not just naturally but also spiritually, so that we can heal, grow and be a reflection of You. We pray that You would be the center of our focus, pleasing You would be our goal, and knowing You would be our reward. In Jesus’ Name. Amen.

Guest Blogger - Nicole Dennis | Blog

How To Maximize Your Singleness Devotional: Week 1

Text: Mark 11:13-14

I use to be very insecure about myself. I would always compare myself with some others sisters in the Lord. This comparison would bring nothing but fears, depression and doubt. Every time I would compare myself with someone, I would be filled with the fear of failing and think 'low' about myself. Because of this, it slowed down my growth in the Lord. 

Have you ever compared yourself to someone? Especially to another single Christian Lady? Well, I am sure that you know by now that you will not enjoy your singleness if you keep doing it. 

Our singleness is a sensitive period where God shapes our character and even polishes it. When I think of singleness, I have in mind the picture of a teenager that has to mature to enter into the real world. 

Marriage is not for babies but for adults. God wants us to mature in all the areas of our lives. After God taught me about marriage, He showed me why I had to wait. He told me that I was created to become the helper of someone else. But how can you be a helper if you are not mature and productive? How can you help someone if you are unfruitful? 

God taught me about fruitfulness. You and I have to bear fruits in order to maximize our singleness. Before Adam saw Eve, he already had a mission and vision. He was doing something with his life. Do not become the burden of someone else. You need to be fruitful in all you do. This is how you will maximize your singleness. 

God is so serious about fruitfulness that through Jesus He cursed a fig tree because it was not bearing fruits! Although the Word tells us that it was not yet the season for figs, it didn’t change Jesus’ mind. No matter the season, this tree had to bear fruits. Do not wait to be married to be productive! What do you have in your hands? In which department are you serving in your church? Are you a soul winner? Do you talk to your friends about Jesus? Do you pray for your friends when they are sick? Do you pray for your leaders, your church? If you are leading a group, are your sheep growing under your leadership? What are you sowing and what are you reaping? God is serious about fruitfulness. Any talent God put in us must mature and I think as we are still single, it is the proper time for us to develop and build a strong foundation for our ministries and personal walk with Jesus. 

Maximize your singleness by desiring to mature. Be fruitful in all the areas of your life. Do not preach the message but be the message. When we are fruitful, it is only showing that we are in good health but also that God is happy with us. May we be fruitful trees in Jesus Name!


Guest Blogger - Tabitha Larissa Joy Ondo | Blogger

An Open Letter to 20 Year Old Me

Facebook has a feature called “On This Day” and on this day a picture of me ten years ago popped up from when I was 19 years old. The girl in the picture was posing in a manner in which to appear sexy, staring seductively into the camera. She was also broken, lost and confused. I couldn’t help but chuckle as I reflected on the woman God has shaped me into and the girl I once was, with my 30th birthday two days away.  This same day I attended a luncheon called “Women Empowering Women: Owning Your Voice.” The panelist were three prestigious women who gave insight into their journey of finding their voice and purpose. The panelist were asked the question: What advice would you give your 20 year old self? The picture of me ten years ago flashed in my head and I pondered on this question and it led me to write this open letter of advice to my 20 year old self and to encourage others to truly reflect on the girl you once were and the woman of God you are striving and getting shaped into every day.

When Jesus is Your Prize: How to Flourish in Singleness

How often do we find ourselves complaining about how unsatisfying our lives are, how unhappy we’ll be until we can find the right guy to complete us? It seems like if we can only meet “the One” we’ll finally be complete and life will start once we’ve gotten married. If you use Instagram, it’s hard to escape all the pictures of cute couples, gorgeous weddings, and happily married women that are out there. It seems like marriage just makes everything so darn perfect. It’s no wonder that singleness is treated like a nuisance, a condition that has to be gotten rid of – it’s a time of loneliness, it would seem, spent in tears, endless fantasizing, and complete unhappiness because it seems like everyone else is getting their fill of what we’re apparently lacking in.

I think the reason that there is such a struggle with singleness is because most of us women are under the illusion that the only way to be happy, the only way to be “complete” is to be in a relationship with a guy. Nothing will make sense until we’ve gotten our walk down the aisle. But we’ve got it all wrong, ladies. A relationship with a guy could never make us whole – only Jesus Christ makes us whole. That hole in our hearts and souls can’t ever be filled by the love of an earthly man. Only Jesus Christ can fill and sustain us. So if the Lord makes us whole, even before a godly marriage, why aren’t we flourishing in that wholeness of Him in singleness?

Becoming Content in Your Season of Singleness

For a long time I felt like I needed to be in a relationship to feel secure about my future. My heart was anxious. I wanted to lock down my future husband so there would be no doubt that I would get married. But, after my most recent break up I didn’t want to be sad. I prayed and prayed to God to help me get through this. The more I prayed the more confidence I gained and the more confident I became the more content I was. I know that God has someone for me but right now is a season of singleness and I am okay with that.

In 1st Timothy 6:7-8 it says “After all, we brought nothing with us when we came into the world, and we can’t take anything with us when we leave it. So if we have enough food and clothing, let us be content.” This verse really helped me realize that I don’t need a boyfriend/fiancé/husband to be fulfilled. I only need Jesus. He is everything I need. Nothing in this world will satisfy me as much as the Lord will.

I don’t know about you but I definitely heard those words over and over again especially growing up in the church. But when I started to speak those words over my life I actually started to believe them. Something amazing happens when you honestly start to believe the promises God has given to you. Then once you apply it to your life, trust me, you will be awe-struck. It really is amazing how God can overwhelm you with a sense of peace and contentment.  

How to Maximize Your Single Season

This week we are sharing with you a video interview we did with Janelle Brown the founder of Fearfully Fashion titled, Maximizing Our singleness.

In this interview Janelle provides some practical steps we can take to maximize our single season through blogging. So if you have ever been interested in starting a blog this video is for you.

In addition to that if you are a college student going back to school very soon join Tierraney and Janelle for Back to School Survival Guide Workshop which is a online workshop series to help you sail through your studies, enjoy campus life and maximize your single season while in college. Click here to sign up

She is Set Apart Singles Conference 2016

Clear your calendar - It's going down! She is Set Apart Singles Conference kicks off on September 16th, and you're invited to take part in the festivities. We're making this conference virtual and it will be live and online. It's FREE so come one, come all, & share with a friend.. This is going to be transformational! Registration is required to access the live conference and to be eligible for any and all giveaways. CLICK HERE TO REGISTER

So You Are Single?

“Yes. I am single. “I replied smiling. The man looked at me. He could not understand how a pretty woman like me could still be single at my age (I am 26 by the grace of God)!!! His reaction made me laugh. I mean why should I enter into a relationship, I asked him. He replied “I believe that A relationship will lead you into marriage”, I smiled and told him “A relationship should have a purpose; I cannot just date or enter in a marriage with no purpose and no vision.”

The Bible teaches us in John 3:16 that Christ was sent for a purpose. He was saved so we could not perish in hell but have everlasting life. By the Grace of God, I strongly believe that all I do and will do in the future has a purpose. My life has a purpose. My singleness has a purpose. My finances status has a purpose. My friendship has a purpose. If I remove the purpose, I remove my identity in Christ. Christ is my image and His Word tells me that all He does has a purpose.

How to Thrive in Your Singleness

This week we are sharing with you an interview we did with Yumi on thriving in your singleness.

In this interview we discuss the heart behind She is Set Apart. We also answer questions such as is being single during the holidays harder and is singleness looked down upon by society and the church?  We also give advice on dealing with loneliness in your singleness and how to prevent settling.

You can also click here to check out our interview we did with Yumi on our channel about how to be content during our singleness.

Wait Well

Photo Credit: ArielleEstoria.com

That was the resounding message in my heart as I roamed John F. Kennedy Airport in NYC for the 5th hour in a row. Being raised by a military dad meant that I arrived there more than 3 hours early for my flight. Then came the bombshell that the flight was delayed by 3 hours. Then, *drum roll please* ...it was delayed by yet another hour. This was definitely not the kind of day I was looking forward to, especially since I had a 14 hour flight, a layover, and another 5 hour flight thereafter to get to my homeland, Kenya. I’m tired all over again just thinking about it and the trip happened over a month ago!

In the midst of it all, I couldn’t help but notice the uncanny parallel between my life and those delays. Better yet, my RESPONSE to those delays. Oh, the sweet sting of conviction as the Holy Spirit floods you with memories of past prayers for patience and deepened trust.

Welp! Here was the moment to practice patience and to stand firm on the promise of Romans 8:28 that every single thing that happens in my life truly works out for my good. But what was I doing instead? Murmuring like the Israelites in the wilderness who didn't even know they were about a week away from their Promised Land! (That's a sermon by itself right there but let me move on).

Never Been Kissed

Life never turned out the way I imagine it would. I am 21, a sophomore in college, have never had a boyfriend, never been on a date, and definitely never been kissed! About 85% of my friends are either in relationships, or married. Because of this, jealousy, insecurity, hatred, and low self-esteem have built up in my heart.

I have always been that girl that never gets any attention from guys, and I wanted to get noticed by them. I wanted them to know that I existed. I did not love myself. I did not accept the fact that was I fearfully and wonderfully made in the image of God (Psalm 139:14).

I was afraid to look in the mirror because in my mind I was not beautiful. I compared myself to other girls at my school, magazines, and television, and in my mind they were more beautiful than me. When it came to my own definition of beauty I only looked on the outside. I wanted to have what my friends had, that girls on television had, and I wanted to have a boyfriend! While I had dream and imagine about finding “the one,” I never thought that I needed to prepare myself to be “the one.”

Do Better

Can we just take a moment to appreciate the godly desires we have! How amazing it is that we desire to do life God’s way! Living counter-culture is no joke! So again, I beseech you to really take a moment to truly appreciate our daily feats!

Selah!

I’ve become so aware of the kind of advice out there for us singles that’s so contrary to living pure and set-apart lives. Some sound like never ending lists of thou-shalt-not’s. Others are just straight up desperate tactics to get a man. “Just walk past his desk and accidentally drop something and bend to pick it up without bending your knees.” Like, seriously?

Both sets of advice miss the fullness of God’s blessing for and in a relationship. The former places the focus on the restrictions of obedience vs. the benefits of it.  The latter is just plain desperate and out of God’s will. Remember “he that findeth…?”

Being Patient Through the Process

My name is Kenyetta and I am currently pursuing a degree in business administration at a local community college.  I have been attending my school since the spring of 2013. Although the school is considered to be a 2-year institute that does not necessarily mean you are expected to complete your program within that exact time frame.

A few people have asked me, “Kenyetta, why have you not yet transferred to a 4-year college?” Well, I will first say that I am truly appreciative to be given the opportunity of receiving a higher education. Secondly, I personally chose to attend a Jr. College because it was affordable and I refused to take out student loans if I did not have to. Lastly, I was not fully sure of what I wanted to do in my life, so I thought it was best to take small steps.

With so many voices telling me which direction to take often left me feeling discouraged. Compared to many of my friends who were attending 4-year universities, I did not feel as capable of making such achievements. I would begin questioning if I was could actually excel in college. Continuously comparing myself was not the best way to handle my situation Overtime I began to appreciate more of what God was teaching me throughout this process, and that was patience.

Top Tips for Being Set Apart in College #SetApartLifestyle

Our speakers for the Set Apart Lifestyle: College event know all about being set apart in college for they have had to navigate their liberal college campus as a Christian. This week we will be sharing with you some of their resources on being set apart in college. 

Speaker: Joy Pedrow  - Website
"Transitioning from high school to college is a major change. New place to live, new friends, new classes, independence, and freedom. You have the freedom to do anything and be anyone you want. This freedom can lead to brokenness if you choose to follow the world instead of God." - Joy Pedrow


Speaker: Crystal Oji - YouTube Channel
In this video Crystal discusses most struggles saved Christians face in college. She also talks about things to expect as a saved Freshman going to college or a new individual in Christ. Lastly she also gives helpful tips to help you get through some tough times in college!


Host: Tierraney Richardson - Website

"One of these things is not like the other. That could have been the theme song that sums up my college years. I know how it feels to be an outsider. Everyone around you seems to be drinking, clubbing, and partying. And here you are the Christian girl holding to her morals who has no desire to engage in the type of "fun" everyone else seems to be a part of. So how do you survive? After all you are stuck there for four years. Four years that seem like an eternity but you will survive. That's your theme song. The key to my survival was..." Click Continue reading

Set Apart Lifestyle: College

Clear your calendar! Set Apart Lifestyle: College kicks off on March 25th, and you're invited to take part in the first of many She is Set Apart Lifestyle Events. Our topic is on being set apart in college.This FREE 3 hour event will feature a Q&A panel, mini-workshops, spoken word and more. The focus of this event is to give practical tips on how to navigate the college life while still living for Christ.  The University of Houston (4800 Calhoun Road) is our meeting spot for a night of encouragement and real talk. Come one, come all, bring a guest, and let's grow together. This is going to be epic! RSVP to claim your FREE spot now - works only on laptop and desktop.