How To Maximize Your Singleness Devotional: Week 2

Text: 1 Corinthians 13:11
One of the ways we can maximize our single season is by committing to maturing. I’m learning through motherhood that having the responsibility of nurturing, serving and being an example in any capacity requires maturity. It requires a soul that is committed to practicing the putting away of childish things. Putting off the old man and putting on the new, walking and abiding in the Spirit that He might bring forth His fruit in us. 

We often have it presented to us that womanhood is all about outward femininity and the ability to keep a home, so once we are able to do those things we consider ourselves women, but when ‘life happens’ we end up responding like girls. Girls gossip, keep a victim mentality, feel entitled, avoid responsibility and harbor toxic emotions. This cannot be our response if we are to walk purposefully and as representatives of Christ. 

I believe if we want to fulfil our destiny then we must commit to maturing into women according to God’s standards. A woman who is still a girl on the inside, may struggle to be effective in marriage, motherhood and ministry because she lacks the capacity to maximize those positions. Of course God’s Grace catches us when we become wives and mothers, while still being girls inwardly, and He doesn’t call us to serve Him once we’ve got it all together, but committing to truly maturing can save some heartache and frustration. 

God is not just preparing us for a wedding day; He’s preparing us for a life of worship and an eternity of oneness! So let us submit to His work in us, remembering it is by His Spirit, and our simple obedience. Prayer: Father help us to see womanhood through Your eyes, and give us the heart to commit to the process. Thank you that singleness is the perfect moment to focus on being who You have pre-ordained and unbecoming all that You have not. Teach us what it is walk in love, and bear fruit that matures and remains. Teach us to abide that our souls might remain steadfast. Help us to overcome the flesh and walk according to the new man, that we might be effective in every season. Teach us to be responsible not just naturally but also spiritually, so that we can heal, grow and be a reflection of You. We pray that You would be the center of our focus, pleasing You would be our goal, and knowing You would be our reward. In Jesus’ Name. Amen.

Guest Blogger - Nicole Dennis | Blog

An Open Letter to 20 Year Old Me

Facebook has a feature called “On This Day” and on this day a picture of me ten years ago popped up from when I was 19 years old. The girl in the picture was posing in a manner in which to appear sexy, staring seductively into the camera. She was also broken, lost and confused. I couldn’t help but chuckle as I reflected on the woman God has shaped me into and the girl I once was, with my 30th birthday two days away.  This same day I attended a luncheon called “Women Empowering Women: Owning Your Voice.” The panelist were three prestigious women who gave insight into their journey of finding their voice and purpose. The panelist were asked the question: What advice would you give your 20 year old self? The picture of me ten years ago flashed in my head and I pondered on this question and it led me to write this open letter of advice to my 20 year old self and to encourage others to truly reflect on the girl you once were and the woman of God you are striving and getting shaped into every day.

When Jesus is Your Prize: How to Flourish in Singleness

How often do we find ourselves complaining about how unsatisfying our lives are, how unhappy we’ll be until we can find the right guy to complete us? It seems like if we can only meet “the One” we’ll finally be complete and life will start once we’ve gotten married. If you use Instagram, it’s hard to escape all the pictures of cute couples, gorgeous weddings, and happily married women that are out there. It seems like marriage just makes everything so darn perfect. It’s no wonder that singleness is treated like a nuisance, a condition that has to be gotten rid of – it’s a time of loneliness, it would seem, spent in tears, endless fantasizing, and complete unhappiness because it seems like everyone else is getting their fill of what we’re apparently lacking in.

I think the reason that there is such a struggle with singleness is because most of us women are under the illusion that the only way to be happy, the only way to be “complete” is to be in a relationship with a guy. Nothing will make sense until we’ve gotten our walk down the aisle. But we’ve got it all wrong, ladies. A relationship with a guy could never make us whole – only Jesus Christ makes us whole. That hole in our hearts and souls can’t ever be filled by the love of an earthly man. Only Jesus Christ can fill and sustain us. So if the Lord makes us whole, even before a godly marriage, why aren’t we flourishing in that wholeness of Him in singleness?

Top 10 Blog Posts on Singleness for 2016

What a wonderful year it has been for She is Set Apart! We hosted our second She is Set Apart Singles conference - click here to access, launched our first ever devotional titled, Singleness = _________ - click here to access, and published some of the best blog posts on Biblical singleness. Let's take a look back at our Top 10 blog posts on Singleness of 2016.

Number 1. Not a Ruth (Why I Won't Ever Pursue A Man Again).


Number 2. Set Apart Spotlight ft. Ashleigh Manor 

Number 3. Set Apart Spotlight ft. Rosie Awori

Number 4. Fun Things to Do While Single

Number 5. Do Better

Number 6. What if He didn't Break Your Heart.

Number 7. Wait Well

Number 8. Never Been Kissed

Number 9. Set Apart Spotlight ft. Ida Pahus

Number 10. The Journey of Singleness

So You Are Single?

“Yes. I am single. “I replied smiling. The man looked at me. He could not understand how a pretty woman like me could still be single at my age (I am 26 by the grace of God)!!! His reaction made me laugh. I mean why should I enter into a relationship, I asked him. He replied “I believe that A relationship will lead you into marriage”, I smiled and told him “A relationship should have a purpose; I cannot just date or enter in a marriage with no purpose and no vision.”

The Bible teaches us in John 3:16 that Christ was sent for a purpose. He was saved so we could not perish in hell but have everlasting life. By the Grace of God, I strongly believe that all I do and will do in the future has a purpose. My life has a purpose. My singleness has a purpose. My finances status has a purpose. My friendship has a purpose. If I remove the purpose, I remove my identity in Christ. Christ is my image and His Word tells me that all He does has a purpose.

How to Thrive in Your Singleness

This week we are sharing with you an interview we did with Yumi on thriving in your singleness.

In this interview we discuss the heart behind She is Set Apart. We also answer questions such as is being single during the holidays harder and is singleness looked down upon by society and the church?  We also give advice on dealing with loneliness in your singleness and how to prevent settling.

You can also click here to check out our interview we did with Yumi on our channel about how to be content during our singleness.

Set Apart SPOTLIGHT: Kirsten Neumann

I was reading a book a couple of weeks ago, and in it a character quoted Song of Solomon 8:6 “Place me like a seal on your arm and like a seal upon your heart.” This led me to listen to the song You Won’t Relent by Misty Edwards. 

For the last few years-since grade eight, really, God has been working in me and teaching me about love. It actually all started out because a guy I really, really liked kind of led me on and then told me he didn’t reciprocate the feelings after a few months.

So, God started showing me what love is. And not just Love, but how He saw me. He started giving me verses like Psalm 103: 17 “But from everlasting to everlasting the Lord’s love is with those who fear him, and his righteousness with their children’s children.” Or leading me to books that really helped me see he loves me just the way I am.  

As an unmarried young lady, I’d like to get married someday. I have the whole white picket fence, two and a half kids and perfect husband who is completely romantic while working a good steady job and will never let me down. Unfortunately, even I know that it’s an unrealistic dream.

Being Patient Through the Process

My name is Kenyetta and I am currently pursuing a degree in business administration at a local community college.  I have been attending my school since the spring of 2013. Although the school is considered to be a 2-year institute that does not necessarily mean you are expected to complete your program within that exact time frame.

A few people have asked me, “Kenyetta, why have you not yet transferred to a 4-year college?” Well, I will first say that I am truly appreciative to be given the opportunity of receiving a higher education. Secondly, I personally chose to attend a Jr. College because it was affordable and I refused to take out student loans if I did not have to. Lastly, I was not fully sure of what I wanted to do in my life, so I thought it was best to take small steps.

With so many voices telling me which direction to take often left me feeling discouraged. Compared to many of my friends who were attending 4-year universities, I did not feel as capable of making such achievements. I would begin questioning if I was could actually excel in college. Continuously comparing myself was not the best way to handle my situation Overtime I began to appreciate more of what God was teaching me throughout this process, and that was patience.

Top Tips for Being Set Apart in College #SetApartLifestyle

Our speakers for the Set Apart Lifestyle: College event know all about being set apart in college for they have had to navigate their liberal college campus as a Christian. This week we will be sharing with you some of their resources on being set apart in college. 

Speaker: Joy Pedrow  - Website
"Transitioning from high school to college is a major change. New place to live, new friends, new classes, independence, and freedom. You have the freedom to do anything and be anyone you want. This freedom can lead to brokenness if you choose to follow the world instead of God." - Joy Pedrow


Speaker: Crystal Oji - YouTube Channel
In this video Crystal discusses most struggles saved Christians face in college. She also talks about things to expect as a saved Freshman going to college or a new individual in Christ. Lastly she also gives helpful tips to help you get through some tough times in college!


Host: Tierraney Richardson - Website

"One of these things is not like the other. That could have been the theme song that sums up my college years. I know how it feels to be an outsider. Everyone around you seems to be drinking, clubbing, and partying. And here you are the Christian girl holding to her morals who has no desire to engage in the type of "fun" everyone else seems to be a part of. So how do you survive? After all you are stuck there for four years. Four years that seem like an eternity but you will survive. That's your theme song. The key to my survival was..." Click Continue reading

Set Apart Lifestyle: College

Clear your calendar! Set Apart Lifestyle: College kicks off on March 25th, and you're invited to take part in the first of many She is Set Apart Lifestyle Events. Our topic is on being set apart in college.This FREE 3 hour event will feature a Q&A panel, mini-workshops, spoken word and more. The focus of this event is to give practical tips on how to navigate the college life while still living for Christ.  The University of Houston (4800 Calhoun Road) is our meeting spot for a night of encouragement and real talk. Come one, come all, bring a guest, and let's grow together. This is going to be epic! RSVP to claim your FREE spot now - works only on laptop and desktop.

Single, Saved, and Parenting!

My journey of singleness really only began three years ago. Prior to this, I had been saved for 2 years and backslidden for 3. I guess I really craved the comfort, affirmation and validation that I thought only exists in a relationship. I had no real revelation of grace and had almost aborted my destiny. But God is faithful, and even in my mess, He pulled me and my then 9-month old daughter out of a dysfunctional relationship.

So there began my journey. It wasn’t just about being physically single, but of learning to become exclusively His: physically, mentally and emotionally devoted to Christ. I believe that no matter how much we may have compromised in the past, we don’t have to settle for a life of compromise as a result. God desires for and enables us to live in purity, free from sin, guilt, condemnation and shame.

My journey these past few years has been one of healing, learning obedience, and trusting God through it all. Soon enough, I found myself learning to enjoy the present and remain hopeful for the future. Yet, there was still something missing. For a long time, I still felt a discontentment deep down.

Set Apart SPOTLIGHT ft. Ashleigh Maynor

It was an October Monday morning, and this morning was different. I had dialed my parents house and was waiting for one of my parents to pick up. They both picked up knowing immediately that something was wrong.

The fact that I was wailing over the phone as if someone tried to kill me probably put them on alarm. I did feel like I was dying though! As if someone had a hold around my heart and lungs and were squeezing them like a rag, trying to get every last ounce of life out of them.

Why, was I so distraught you ask? Well, that was the day that I became…single!

You know, the nine-years-of-dating-someone-and-having-a-piece-of-your-life-that-you-thought-you-had-all-figured-out-end-right-before-your-eyes kind of single.

It wasn’t a bad break up. Neither one of us actually wanted to end things, but God had been tugging on my heart for months. Our season together was ending.

Set Apart SPOTLIGHT ft Ida Pahus

Have you ever caught yourself in thinking, “if I have a boyfriend it would be so much easier for me to feel loved?” As a single woman myself, I must admit that thoughts like this have crossed my mind. Sometimes we feel  if we just had that special someone we would be so much more loved.

You know what? Even if not one person in the whole world who loved you, you would still be just as loved as a person loved by every single person in the whole world. Why? Because your worth comes from Jesus. It does not come from a boyfriend or anyone else. Others’ love or lack of love for us can never ever change Jesus’ love for us. Your worth is found in Jesus. He is the One who defines you. As 1 John 4:7 says, “… for love comes from God.”

Your worth comes from your creator. The One who created with a purpose and for a purpose. When you have Him, you never need anyone else to be loved. Because you are!

Set Apart SPOTLIGHT ft. Rosie Awori

I was in a relationship for a long time. And I was the relationship had its ups and downs, but overall, I was happy with it. Then I began to pursue God seriously. I waded out of the waters of stagnation and let Him into every aspect of my life.

But when I decided to let Him guide me through everything, He touched on my relationship. I coiled like a porcupine shooting spines to protect MY relationship.

Then I took a step back and let God show me why He needed me to be isolated. For the longest time I put everything into this relationship to make it look perfect. Even though I consulted God in everything, I never consulted Him when it came to this relationship. It was mine, and although we were both Christians, I was not living up to my full potential--always concerned what the other party would think. Risks were barely a part of my choices and nowhere close to being in my vocabulary.

We prayed and professed to putting God first, but there was an unequal yoking where we were not helping each other to grow. Soon, we realized that we were crowding each other and a single pursuit of God was necessary for growth.

When I did finally, wholly trust God, I walked into a whole new kind of a life--one in which my choices are single handedly drawn by Him, and every decision I take I know I am backed by the Alpha and Omega. It is not easy, but it is worth it because I trust Him as the potter moulding me for my purpose in His plan. I will wait on Him to perfect me for my destiny.

Steady, My Heart

“The light of God will cause you to give up a man you can see for a man you cannot see!”  Bishop T.D Jakes

I saw this on my Instagram feed and immediately had to stop and have a moment with God. This quote transported me into my past, reminding me of the many mixed emotions that were involved when my previous relationships ended. I remember feeling like I had gotten the green light from God about pursuing a relationship with each person. I had prayed, fasted, done character evaluations (of them), considered our many previous conversations about God, life and love and felt like we had aligned beliefs and visions for the future. When things started coming up that showed otherwise, I was devastated! Was God now saying the opposite? Had I heard wrong? Had I heard at all?

Oh but I did hear... selectively! I was so busy listening for a confirmation that I missed the convictions. God was trying to show me areas that I needed to grow more in but i wasn't looking to hear that. Clearly, I missed the hints. What ended up happening instead, was that I’d only gotten a clear vision on the other person’s shortcomings, remaining blind to my own. But doesn’t it take two to tango? Sometimes we have to let go because WE are the problem. We attract who we are and when our identity doesn't reflect Christ, neither will our partners’. These unholy relationships can only breed compromise.

Set Apart SPOTLIGHT ft. Emily Posch

There are a million reasons to put something off. We tell each other all about the “signs that God sent us” to do a particular thing, but only when it’s convenient. Only when it’s something we want to do…and more than the other things we’d like to do.  

So after I had spent weeks with one thought in the back of my mind—“why are there no ministries for single Christian women?”—I discovered She is Set Apart via Instagram. And I did nothing.  

Oh, I sure said I would. I told all of my close girlfriends all about it. “They need people to contribute! Let’s share our testimonies!” And I’d pull open Word and start typing…and then realize that it was absolutely necessary to go buy avocados or run the laundry that very second.  

I think my biggest hang-up was wondering how I would convince you, dear reader, how valued and loved you are by your Father. How cherished you are by your Savior. How to not make the same mistakes I did.

He Says I'm Worth It But Am I?

His pursuit is constant, unwavering and unmatched. However, at times, we can't help but think: Am I actually worth pursuing? Does He really want all of me? The answer is YES! Even the most darkest and untouchable parts of ourselves we refuse to acknowledge or have buried over time, He wants it all and He wants it all today. It doesn't make sense that despite my past, the mistakes I made that He would pursue me relentlessly but the truth is His pursuit is intentional, pure and weighted with a purpose. By nailing himself on the cross to carry all mankind's sins serves as a reminder that we were worth it and the beauty of it all is that we didn't even have to say yes to Him first.

Cutting the Rope

Photo Credit: Arielle Estoria Chroniclesofalioness.com

Why are we afraid to let go and let God do the work in our lives? I think it's because we're scared that we might not get back what we surrendered to Him.  We're scared to let go of the people we love. Sometimes I find it scary to even ask "Lord let your will be done" because not all of God’s will is pleasing to us until we understand the "why". I'm scared that He might answer me and take the things and people I love because they're not part of His divine plan.

We are afraid to lose something the moment we start to love it. The moment we start to care for it,  treasure it and accept even it's flaws. But the weariness our hearts feel in waiting eventually causes us to give in and just say, "Lord I'm done, I'm tired and I don't know why you are not allowing this to happen. Let your will be done."
For several days I've been wondering about my future.  What if God has privileged us to be together, I wonder if he'll treasure me, pursue me, spend time with me and love me more than the words we shared over the phone. I wonder if he'll drive to where I am just to see me. I wonder if his phone will be filled with our pictures together. I wonder if he'll take advantage and appreciate the fact that we're no longer thousands of miles apart. I wonder if he'll be proud of me. I wonder if things will be different.

Set Apart SPOTLIGHT ft. Laly Elgueta

There are days when you wake up and you don’t know your life will change forever. In my case it was an autumn sunshiny day when my future made a turning point to a new direction, pointed by God himself.  I didn’t know a simple pure hearted promise would shape the years to come. 

I was only 21 years old and like any other girl I wanted to experience love and romance. I had been praying about this amazing young man who was interested in having a relationship with me, but since he was not a Christian, I was hesitating. The Father had already made me know His disapproval and during that morning I was going to let this boy know about my final decision too.

Despite having an answer, I was not happy about it. I was fighting in my heart with the Father about his negative whensomething amazing happened. The Father asked me to keep myself apart for Him until marriage. I agreed because I thought I had no more choices. Now I think how little I knew God to think that. As soon as I gave Him my response He made me a question it would change my whole life story. He wanted to know if I was willing to be faithful to my future husband even before we met. That moment was a turning point in my life. An overwhelming feeling of love invaded my heart and I was able to hear the Holy Spirit’s voice saying this was the kind of romantic love I would one day experience. The only requirement was faithfulness to God and to my future husband.

Set Apart SPOTLIGHT ft. Bernadette Muinga

I'm two days into a new position (as a write this) at my old job and I'm already being stretched! Not only is my role different, but my relationships with coworkers are shifting, my responsibilities and accountability are different and boy oh boy, I'm working harder than ever before... and I already thought I worked hard!

So today at lunch, as I'm walking out, I remember I've forgotten something and quickly run back to my desk. It's like they smelled me open the door because before I could get to my desk, a ‘big boss’ pulls me into her office and shares that there are a few things that need managing before I could go to lunch. An hour and a half later, I'm peacefully seated, fed and still have a few minutes to spare. I found myself reviewing/praying on the day’s events thus far and like a bomb, it hit me: "To whom much is given, much is required." 

 

Selah... I had to chew on that for a bit!