Through Every Season of the Soul

Shortly before I met my husband, I had the audacity to pray a prayer that went something like this:

“Lord, I think I’ve done about all the growing I can do as a single person, can you give me a husband to help me grow even more?”

Who prays prayers like that? Unfortunately, this girl.

It’s time to get bumped

As a young Christian champion for purity and self-worth, I truly thought I had it all together. When Paul says in 1 Corinthians that it’s better to be single than to be married because you can better devote yourself to God, I was the loudest person in the bandwagon shouting amen. During my single years I experienced some of the most intimate times I have ever had with the Lord. I used to go on dates with Jesus, have weekly devotions by the lake, dance to worship music in study halls for hours, and write tons of intimate worship/love songs.

Then one day I heard someone preach a sermon about the way single people are able to remain in a state like that because they don’t get “bumped” as often as married people do. See, if someone would get on my nerves as a single person, it really wasn’t a problem for me to make some space between us. I could deal or not deal with the problem and then keep my distance until all factions had gotten over it. 

When you’re married, you can’t make space. Your spouse is always with you. 

Always. 

Whatever relational problem you’re facing has to be resolved or you will be dealing with it every single day until one of you decides to humble yourself. Depending on how much pride you struggle with, the grudge match could last for weeks!

Through every season of the soul

I encountered a lot of testing and spiritual growth as a single person, but once I got married, it was a different story.

No one ever told me that I had some Incredible Hulk genes in my body, but I sure found out who I really was during those first few months of marriage. Quiet, sweet, and sensible S’ambrosia quickly became destructive, rude, and spiteful S’ambrosia. A multitude of negative traits that I never knew were inside of me just came tumbling out. I didn't even recognize myself anymore. 

They say be careful what you ask for, and I totally understand why now. That prayer I prayed was answered in a way that seriously humbled me.

Even so, I’ve really learned to embrace the humbling process. Marriage has been a crucible that has really burnt through the shell of who I thought I was and shown me what’s really inside. Seeing my reality has caused me to throw myself into the merciful arms of my Father and to let the Holy Spirit teach me how to truly love.

A few words to the wise

In light of that, I’d like to briefly share some benefits that I’ve discovered through my 27 year stint as a single woman and now as a wife just to challenge you to take the fullest advantage of whatever season you may be in right now. 

Devotional Life –

• Singles – You have the freedom to dedicate as much time as you want to growing deep in your relationship with Christ. Whether you get married later or not, you’re setting up a foundation for the rest of your life. Make it a strong one. Take this time to press in and seek to know the Lord.

• Marrieds – You have the challenge of making a sacrifice to put God before all of the other responsibilities you have. I think that’s the beauty of having a devotional life in this season. Just the fact that you are willing to lay aside other important duties to put time with Christ first will demonstrate a true sacrifice of praise

Friendships –

• Singles – You are able to connect with other believers through frequent coffee dates, weekly Bible studies, or even retreats. In this season you can reach and influence tons of people. I doubt that you’ll ever have the opportunity to make deep connections with as great a number of people as you do now.

• Marrieds – Once you’re married, time with friends is usually lessened. This allows you the perfect opportunity to find one or two couples that you and your spouse can really live life with. Invest in those relationships. Be open and honest about life and encourage one another. You’ll find it will be a great outlet for you both.

Ministry –

• Singles – Once again, you have the freedom to go. Whether it's children’s ministry, worship team, or short-term missions trips, you can commit to giving 100% to these areas. Serving so much will not only allow you to help others, but it will also teach you a lot about yourself and the gifts that God has given you.

• Marrieds – Ministry tends to demand more time than you can afford, so prioritizing is key. Just as I mentioned with friends, instead of having a broader reach, you can choose one area of ministry to pour your talents and energy into, Instead of spreading yourself thin trying to keep up with the single folks, you can intensify the potency of whatever small amount you’re able to give.

More posts from the Set Apart Singles Column will be coming soon. Make sure to subscribe via bloglovin to receive notice when they are published.

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S'ambrosia Wasike is a published author and singer-songwriter with a heart to see God's people experience deep levels of intimacy with Him. She is a former middle school teacher currently living in Kenya with her husband where they are beginning a ministry called The Joshua Blueprint, which aims to come alongside existing children's homes to teach children various expressions of worship. You can read S'ambrosia's blog, listen to her worship album and find her on facebook and twitter.