Give Me A Husband…Or I’ll Die!

Have you ever had a dream that was delayed for so long that you became frustrated? So frustrated you thought it would kill you? (Maybe not in the literal sense but in the spiritual one.)

Rachel tells her husband, Jacob, “Give me a child or I’ll die!” Dramatic? Maybe, but it’s a heart cry I understand. In my lowest times, I’ve begged, demanded, that God give me a husband. Like Rachel, jealousy had once crept into my heart and nearly destroyed me.

Jealousy, that “green-eyed monster”, has a way of taking over.  It whispers to you of the blessings other people have and reminds you of your barrenness in that particular area. It causes our eyes to be transfixed on their abundance and our hearts to murmur over our lack.

In Genesis 30, Rachel’s older sister, Leah, was also married to Jacob but he didn’t love her. He only loved Rachel. Still, he had to fulfill his husbandly duties and because God saw how miserable Leah was He blessed her with many children. Envy burned so hotly within Rachel as Leah’s arms filled with babies that from her mouth overflowed those desperate words.

From church friends to biological cousins, there have been more engagement announcements and wedding photos on Facebook then I can remember! The rub is that they’ve all been younger than me. Sometimes I can feel forgotten or afraid of being alone for the rest of my life but after having a really bad case of jealously, I’ve decided that this time it won’t take root in my heart.

Here are lessons learned from Rachel’s story and some I’ve learned on my own the hard way so that you can overcome jealously:

1. Desperate emotions make you do desperate things. Like Rachel and her grandmother-in-law Sarah, I’ve tried taking matters into my own hands only to regret them afterwards. I thought I was giving God a hand since He seemed too busy to take notice of my waiting, anxious heart.  Which leads to my next point…

2. Let God’s will be done and wait until it happens. God knows the exact plans He has for you and you know what? They’re better than anything you could hope or imagine for yourself.  Waiting is part of life whether it’s for a husband, child, or any other other dream you have.

Have you dealt with jealousy before? How did you overcome it?

Wait on the LORD; Be of good courage, And He shall strengthen your heart; Wait, I say, on the LORD! (Psalm 27:14)

What’s most important is how we wait.  Are you complaining or see your situation so bleak that you feel like giving up? I’ve had those moments too but in this season of waiting, God is strengthening our faith if we allow Him to. We can choose to believe in His goodness, His kindness, and His unrelenting love for us.

3. We can celebrate other people’s blessings (and count our own).  The only way is to get rid of jealousy is to celebrate.

“Rejoice with those who rejoice…”(Romans 12:15)

Blessings are not meant to be hoarded but shared as a reminder that they come from Him alone. Where has God been blessing you? If you can’t see it, maybe it’s because your eyes have been trained on everyone else. Take a few minutes every day to write down His blessings great and small in your life.  

4. Don’t make your dream into an idol. If only you had a husband…if only you had children, life would feel complete. Who you are doesn’t come from what you have (or don’t have) but Whom you belong to. Rachel’s example shows us that being married doesn’t make us feel 100% satisfied. After her marriage, all she could think of was having children. For us singles, being married won’t guarantee that we’ll feel less lonely. We’re all waiting for that special wedding day when we’ll see our Bridegroom face to face.

Jealousy is a thief that steals our peace, hope, joy, and love. It leaves us wounded and slowly dying inside.  Whatever it is that you’re waiting for or think you can’t live without, you should always test it against the truth of God’s word. Jesus tells us, “I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly.” (John 10:10) Instead of believing that because our dreams are delayed, we’ll “die”, let’s proclaim that in Christ and through Christ we are fully alive.  

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Liv is 34 years old and lives in New York City. She has lived in NYC for most of her life except for a four-year period when I went to high school in Connecticut. She is a single daughter serving - encouraging women of all ages in their singleness and identities in Christ. Blog | Twitter | Pinterest.