The Idol of the Ideal Man

Sometimes when I read about how the Israelites would create idols of wood or precious metals and then turn around and worship the very same inanimate object that they fashioned with their own hands, I can’t help but scoff. Seriously though, how they could logically allow themselves to believe the image that they created was responsible for creating them, let alone controlling everything in the world around them?

As baffling as that may seem to us in the 21^st century, I have to remember that though we don’t create carven images to worship anymore, we do attribute glory to millions of other objects of the noun persuasion (person, places, people, things, ideas). It’s pretty clear how we can idolize people, things, and so on, but for this post I’m going to focus specifically on the idea aspect of idolatry.

Making a list, checking it twice

Throughout college I maintained what some of you
may know and refer to as “the list”. You know, that list of attributes you hope your future mate will have. Let me just insert a quick picture of myself here so you can see who I am before I describe who I thought was my ideal guy.

This picture pretty much sums me up. It should be very clear to you from this photo that I am in fact African American. If you heard me speak though, you wouldn’t know it. If you were privy to my taste in music, clothes, guys, you would be even more confused. Prior to my husband I had only crushed on two men of my color. Everyone I dated or even gave the time of day was white.  That was the type of guy I expected to marry, and having been tagged by friends and family with a nickname like “white chocolate”, it was pretty much what they expected of me as well.

To add onto the specification for color, I also listed a man whose raspy tenor voice would perfectly complement my own, who could play an instrument, (preferably guitar to accompany me on the keys for our family tours), who had a sense of humor tantamount to that of the likes of Conan O’Brien, and who had a deep, intimate relationship with God.

That doesn’t sound too bad, right?

Once the list was complete, all that I had left to do was to sit back, relax, and daydream about how I would meet this guy, what our life would look like, what our children would look like, etc. Most idle moments would be filled with thoughts of the future mystery man. When I would attend worship conferences, I also went with the expectation that this could be the day (some of you know exactly what I’m talking about).

Meanwhile, this ideal man had become an idol in my heart.

God, the granter of good gifts

Well if you read your Bible, you probably know that God is not a fan of idols. He prefers to be the sole recipient of our affection with everything else as an added benefit of relationship with Him (Matt. 6:33). Even so, He has been known to give people over to their idol worship and let them have what they desire. Thankfully that’s not my story.

Enter my husband Ray: tall, handsome, and African (Kenyan to be specific). He was an artist, but not anything like what I had expected. We don’t really like the same kind of music, our voices don’t complement each other, and I’m the only one in the family that plays music. As for sense of humor, he was just goofy. At one point when I was first around him he reminded me of someone I actually found really annoying. Needless to say, without the grace of God, I would’ve overlooked him and kept on looking for that all elusive guy to randomly pick me up after a concert in a coffee shop or something.

Without going into all the details of our relationship, let me just say that the switch from “ugh” to “ooh” was such a God thing. Ever so slowly I began to see Ray differently. His best qualities began to overshadow the best requirements on my list and then one day as we stood in a church courtyard in the western province of Kenya surrounded by Kenyan children, I looked at him and thought “This is the man I want to marry”.

Search me and know me

Not all of us may find ourselves married, but it is equally important for all women to search themselves to see if there’s an idol of an ideal man sitting on a throne in our hearts. For some of us it could be the very thing keeping us from receiving an ideal mate that God desires to connect us with, and for others it could be holding you back from seeing the ideal you that God designed you to be.

Now I’m not saying that “the list” is bad, it is good to openly voice your desires to the Lord and have certain spiritual standards, but we have to very careful about making that list into an idol to be coveted, which by the way is breaking like two of the ten commandments.

But here’s the crazy thing, as Romans 1, Luke 18:1-8, and 1 Corinthians 5 demonstrate, if we persist in our requests, God will give us the desires of our heart, and that’s not always a good thing. You may believe that everything you have on your list is best for you, just like the Israelites believed that the idol they created was responsible for their well being, but God always knows better.

If you find yourself in this position, take some time to relinquish that idol and ask God to dream for you. You may have some pretty hefty dreams for yourself, but I guarantee you that God’s dreams for you are thousands times better, and I’m sure if you ask, He’ll download a glimpse of those dreams into your heart and totally blow you away.

S'ambrosia is a published author and singer-songwriter with a heart to see God's people experience deep levels of intimacy with Him. She currently lives in Kenya with her husband where they are beginning a ministry called The Joshua Blueprint, which aims to come alongside existing children's homes to teach children various expressions of worship. 
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