Set Apart SPOTLIGHT ft. Courtney Stewart

I'm a huge advocate of real talk, so let me be real with you all for a minute: I hate cliche's. 

I've. Heard. It. All.

"Guys are intimidated by your independence!"

"They must be intimidated by your height." (I'm just under 6 feet tall)

"Guys are intimidated by women in ministry."

"As soon as you stop looking, you'll find him!"

"You need to be more extroverted to snag a man...put yourself out there!"

"It's all in God's timing, don't try and go outside of His plan. Be patient!"

"You're way too mature for the guys around here."

"I just don't understand while you're single...you're so GREAT!"

"Maybe if you prayed more...you know?"

And so on. And so forth.

I'm sure you ladies can relate to me when I say that these conversations are neither soul-filling or encouraging. 

I have been single pretty much my entire life. There have been a few emotional relationships with boys that have ended poorly 99% of the time. I constantly found myself weaving a tangled web of hopes and expectations and feelings only to find I was the only one who is stuck in that web I crafted. They were able to move freely, and most often in the direction of another girl. I was putting my hope in a person. Someone broken and sinful who would surely fail me, when I should have been putting my hope in Christ. 

I spent my whole childhood with my nose buried in books and eyes glued to the screen of carefully crafted love stories. Always inserting myself into them, my dreamy idealist personality believing that this love affair was just around the next proverbial corner. Surely when I got into high school there would be a boyfriend. Oh, yeah I'm definitely going to flourish and have my choice of boys in college. By senior year there will be someone who I'm serious about. 

It wasn't until I was out of college that I could say I was truly content with my singleness. 

I know, right? “Contentment.” The buzzword of all single ladies. Time and time again I tried to convince myself and God that I was content with singleness during college. Attending a private Christian university does not do wonders for the single gal's ego. 

I don't know if it was just all of the harsh realities of graduating college crashing down on me at once, but my rose colored glasses were swiftly removed. I had the opportunity to do life with some amazing people in my church community - many of them married. They brought me into their real lives: no sugar coating, no rose-colored anything. And guess what I learned? Relationships are HARD. They take hard work, selflessness, grace, forgiveness, and patience. And as hard as they are, they are totally worth it.

The place I am currently at in my singleness is that I am very very very very content. Did I mention that I'm content? I have a great full time job, the cutest puppy, and a great church full of people I love and respect. I am fortunate enough to have ministry opportunities where I get to share Jesus with the people around me. I am building a community of people who are always willing to be real, raw, and authentic with me. Do I still long for a relationship? Definitely. Do I still desire to join my life with another to be able to glorify God better together than I could by myself? Absolutely. But I am so excited to be able to put my hope in Christ and what He wants for me and experience what He is gifting me NOW so I can tell awesome stories to the guy who will be my person later. To be a multi-faceted, Jesus-loving, painfully real gal who is worth being with. 

Courtney Stewart is a Southern California native transplanted in the Pacific Northwest. She is an advocate for good coffee, meaningful conversation, and authentic storytelling. She attempts to tell stories in an authentic and real way through writing, documenting, and sharing through various online platforms. Blog | Instagram

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