Set Apart SPOTLIGHT ft. Mallory Jones

Throughout high school, I was absolutely desperate for attention from any guy that would provide it. My dad passed away when I was 7, and I wasn’t a Christian, so I had no fatherly figure to show me what kind of love I deserved.

 

My search for validation in boys who were just as broken as I am led to involvement with a long string of emotionally abusive guys--guys who wanted me for nothing more than finding entertainment in using and humiliating me.

 

One relationship in particular lasted six years and is something I just got out of recently. Because of it, I built up sky-high walls. Aside from my best friend Matt, whom I’ve known since I was 10, you couldn’t have gotten me close to a guy if you paid me.

 

I simultaneously craved being loved and was completely terrified of finding it.

Just Another Bitter Single Girl

A couple of weeks ago, my family had something very shocking happen. My brother in law walked out on my sister and my 6-month-old niece.

None of us saw the cracks that were present in their marriage. To all of us, our brother in law seemed to be a gift from God—not just for my sister, but also for the whole family. To my mum, he was the older son to my younger brother that would teach him all the things that us sisters couldn’t. For us girls, he was the model of what it looked like to love your wife and her family. On the surface it seemed that he was our model of what the perfect man looked like.

As a young girl, growing up I read in countless magazines how it is important to have a list of all the qualities and attributes (physical or otherwise) that you wish for your future partner to have. The younger version of me saw herself marrying the modern day version of Prince Charming. In some of these daydreams, I too would be like Snow White feeding deer and seven dwarfs until Prince Charming got home after a hard day at work and of course he had with him a dozen (non-poisonous) red apples.

Set Apart SPOTLIGHT ft Ida Pahus

Have you ever caught yourself in thinking, “if I have a boyfriend it would be so much easier for me to feel loved?” As a single woman myself, I must admit that thoughts like this have crossed my mind. Sometimes we feel  if we just had that special someone we would be so much more loved.

You know what? Even if not one person in the whole world who loved you, you would still be just as loved as a person loved by every single person in the whole world. Why? Because your worth comes from Jesus. It does not come from a boyfriend or anyone else. Others’ love or lack of love for us can never ever change Jesus’ love for us. Your worth is found in Jesus. He is the One who defines you. As 1 John 4:7 says, “… for love comes from God.”

Your worth comes from your creator. The One who created with a purpose and for a purpose. When you have Him, you never need anyone else to be loved. Because you are!

Set Apart SPOTLIGHT ft. Rosie Awori

I was in a relationship for a long time. And I was the relationship had its ups and downs, but overall, I was happy with it. Then I began to pursue God seriously. I waded out of the waters of stagnation and let Him into every aspect of my life.

But when I decided to let Him guide me through everything, He touched on my relationship. I coiled like a porcupine shooting spines to protect MY relationship.

Then I took a step back and let God show me why He needed me to be isolated. For the longest time I put everything into this relationship to make it look perfect. Even though I consulted God in everything, I never consulted Him when it came to this relationship. It was mine, and although we were both Christians, I was not living up to my full potential--always concerned what the other party would think. Risks were barely a part of my choices and nowhere close to being in my vocabulary.

We prayed and professed to putting God first, but there was an unequal yoking where we were not helping each other to grow. Soon, we realized that we were crowding each other and a single pursuit of God was necessary for growth.

When I did finally, wholly trust God, I walked into a whole new kind of a life--one in which my choices are single handedly drawn by Him, and every decision I take I know I am backed by the Alpha and Omega. It is not easy, but it is worth it because I trust Him as the potter moulding me for my purpose in His plan. I will wait on Him to perfect me for my destiny.

Not A Ruth (Why I Won’t Pursue A Man Again)

There I was again, asking him where we stood. Were we going to pursue a relationship or not?

I wanted to pursue one; why else would I keep asking? But every time I had to wait for his answer, I held onto the possibility even more. The last time I asked, I knew it had to be just that—the last time I would pursue him. The last time I would hold on to hope, and instead, the time to let it go no matter how painful it might be.

That wasn’t the only time I pursued. A few years before that, I chased a guy who had been going through a break up. I showed up where I knew he was going to be. I started listening to the same kind of music he liked. I didn’t want my one and only chance for love to get away. If you’ve read my other stories about my singleness, you’ll know that eventually I did get him after I prayed for him but in the end, I knew it wasn’t what God wanted for me.