Single, Saved, and Parenting!

My journey of singleness really only began three years ago. Prior to this, I had been saved for 2 years and backslidden for 3. I guess I really craved the comfort, affirmation and validation that I thought only exists in a relationship. I had no real revelation of grace and had almost aborted my destiny. But God is faithful, and even in my mess, He pulled me and my then 9-month old daughter out of a dysfunctional relationship.

So there began my journey. It wasn’t just about being physically single, but of learning to become exclusively His: physically, mentally and emotionally devoted to Christ. I believe that no matter how much we may have compromised in the past, we don’t have to settle for a life of compromise as a result. God desires for and enables us to live in purity, free from sin, guilt, condemnation and shame.

My journey these past few years has been one of healing, learning obedience, and trusting God through it all. Soon enough, I found myself learning to enjoy the present and remain hopeful for the future. Yet, there was still something missing. For a long time, I still felt a discontentment deep down.

Decoding The Mystery

“The heart of human excellence often begins to beat when you discover a pursuit that absorbs you, frees you, challenges you, or gives you a sense of meaning, joy, or passion.”―Terry Orlick 

So often, we pray for the Lord to bless us: bless us with a new car, a job, a husband, or what-not. As great as these things are, most of us fail to realize that these things are merely tools for us to use, in order, to fulfill our God-given destiny.

See, inside each of us is a code, and contained within this code is the revelation of who we truly are and the purpose for our lives. Psalm 139:16 reads, "You saw me before I was born and scheduled each day of my life before I began to breathe. Every day was recorded in your Book!" God is our Creator. He is the only one who is capable of unlocking the code that's inside us. As we actively pursue the presence of God [His character, His thoughts, His heart], He'll diligently reveal His unique purpose for our lives.  

Just Another Bitter Single Girl

A couple of weeks ago, my family had something very shocking happen. My brother in law walked out on my sister and my 6-month-old niece.

None of us saw the cracks that were present in their marriage. To all of us, our brother in law seemed to be a gift from God—not just for my sister, but also for the whole family. To my mum, he was the older son to my younger brother that would teach him all the things that us sisters couldn’t. For us girls, he was the model of what it looked like to love your wife and her family. On the surface it seemed that he was our model of what the perfect man looked like.

As a young girl, growing up I read in countless magazines how it is important to have a list of all the qualities and attributes (physical or otherwise) that you wish for your future partner to have. The younger version of me saw herself marrying the modern day version of Prince Charming. In some of these daydreams, I too would be like Snow White feeding deer and seven dwarfs until Prince Charming got home after a hard day at work and of course he had with him a dozen (non-poisonous) red apples.

Set Apart SPOTLIGHT ft Ida Pahus

Have you ever caught yourself in thinking, “if I have a boyfriend it would be so much easier for me to feel loved?” As a single woman myself, I must admit that thoughts like this have crossed my mind. Sometimes we feel  if we just had that special someone we would be so much more loved.

You know what? Even if not one person in the whole world who loved you, you would still be just as loved as a person loved by every single person in the whole world. Why? Because your worth comes from Jesus. It does not come from a boyfriend or anyone else. Others’ love or lack of love for us can never ever change Jesus’ love for us. Your worth is found in Jesus. He is the One who defines you. As 1 John 4:7 says, “… for love comes from God.”

Your worth comes from your creator. The One who created with a purpose and for a purpose. When you have Him, you never need anyone else to be loved. Because you are!

Not A Ruth (Why I Won’t Pursue A Man Again)

There I was again, asking him where we stood. Were we going to pursue a relationship or not?

I wanted to pursue one; why else would I keep asking? But every time I had to wait for his answer, I held onto the possibility even more. The last time I asked, I knew it had to be just that—the last time I would pursue him. The last time I would hold on to hope, and instead, the time to let it go no matter how painful it might be.

That wasn’t the only time I pursued. A few years before that, I chased a guy who had been going through a break up. I showed up where I knew he was going to be. I started listening to the same kind of music he liked. I didn’t want my one and only chance for love to get away. If you’ve read my other stories about my singleness, you’ll know that eventually I did get him after I prayed for him but in the end, I knew it wasn’t what God wanted for me.

Singleness is a Time to Build Up | Part 1

Careful planning puts you ahead in the long run; hurry and scurry puts you further behind. Proverbs 21:5

There is no better season in life than singleness to do things probably you will not have time to do later. Things which will put you ahead in the long run in life. This is the theme of this post, to let you know this your opportunity to build up a purposeful life which will harvest good fruits later in life. Even more, if you plan well, you will see those fruits in your children’s life also.

Singleness is a time to:

1.    Grow up spiritually: Many writers have written about this subject, so I will only add that you probably will not have as much free time as you wish later in life. Marriage and children, although great blessings, are also huge energy and time consumers. This is the best time to set up a deep relationship with God

Steady, My Heart

“The light of God will cause you to give up a man you can see for a man you cannot see!”  Bishop T.D Jakes

I saw this on my Instagram feed and immediately had to stop and have a moment with God. This quote transported me into my past, reminding me of the many mixed emotions that were involved when my previous relationships ended. I remember feeling like I had gotten the green light from God about pursuing a relationship with each person. I had prayed, fasted, done character evaluations (of them), considered our many previous conversations about God, life and love and felt like we had aligned beliefs and visions for the future. When things started coming up that showed otherwise, I was devastated! Was God now saying the opposite? Had I heard wrong? Had I heard at all?

Oh but I did hear... selectively! I was so busy listening for a confirmation that I missed the convictions. God was trying to show me areas that I needed to grow more in but i wasn't looking to hear that. Clearly, I missed the hints. What ended up happening instead, was that I’d only gotten a clear vision on the other person’s shortcomings, remaining blind to my own. But doesn’t it take two to tango? Sometimes we have to let go because WE are the problem. We attract who we are and when our identity doesn't reflect Christ, neither will our partners’. These unholy relationships can only breed compromise.

Set Apart SPOTLIGHT ft. Emily Posch

There are a million reasons to put something off. We tell each other all about the “signs that God sent us” to do a particular thing, but only when it’s convenient. Only when it’s something we want to do…and more than the other things we’d like to do.  

So after I had spent weeks with one thought in the back of my mind—“why are there no ministries for single Christian women?”—I discovered She is Set Apart via Instagram. And I did nothing.  

Oh, I sure said I would. I told all of my close girlfriends all about it. “They need people to contribute! Let’s share our testimonies!” And I’d pull open Word and start typing…and then realize that it was absolutely necessary to go buy avocados or run the laundry that very second.  

I think my biggest hang-up was wondering how I would convince you, dear reader, how valued and loved you are by your Father. How cherished you are by your Savior. How to not make the same mistakes I did.

He Says I'm Worth It But Am I?

His pursuit is constant, unwavering and unmatched. However, at times, we can't help but think: Am I actually worth pursuing? Does He really want all of me? The answer is YES! Even the most darkest and untouchable parts of ourselves we refuse to acknowledge or have buried over time, He wants it all and He wants it all today. It doesn't make sense that despite my past, the mistakes I made that He would pursue me relentlessly but the truth is His pursuit is intentional, pure and weighted with a purpose. By nailing himself on the cross to carry all mankind's sins serves as a reminder that we were worth it and the beauty of it all is that we didn't even have to say yes to Him first.

Singleness = Pursued

If we are not careful we may desire to be married so bad that we become distracted and we forget about God and what he has made us to do. Matthew 28:19-20 clearly states what we should be doing in every season of life.

"Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.” Matthew 28:19-20

This applies to everyone whether single or married.

If we loose sight of this we can become just like Gomer in the book of Hosea. We go after our lovers and forget the Lord.

The Big "V"



Photo Credit: Arielle Estoria Chroniclesofalioness.com

Had that “no new friends” bandwagon that people have been jumping on left and right come out a few years ago, I would be sitting front row and center. Even though I’m a very friendly person, I’m also private and it wasn’t until a few years ago that I also used this as an excuse not to let people in. I talked to a lot of people but my interactions for a long time were limited to courteous ‘hellos’ and ‘how’s your week been?’ I was content with my handful of close friends, and my family who were my support system and  accountability partners.

7 Reasons You Should Love Yourself





Photo Credit: Arielle Estoria Chroniclesofalioness.com

I went through most of my life wishing I could be someone else. Someone who was popular, went out with friends, had a boyfriend or two, and knew all the right things to say. Instead, I stayed home most of the time, reading books, watching TV, and waiting for the day when something in my life would change.

That day happened when I was in my early twenties and I accepted Jesus as my Lord and Savior.

There are many things that Jesus says in the Bible that to most would be considered scandalous. But one of the things He commanded is something that even to the daughters of God can be hard to accept.

“Teacher, which is the great commandment in the law?”
Jesus said to him, “You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind.’ This is the first and great commandment. And the second is like it: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ On these two commandments hand all the Law and the Prophets.”  (Matthew 22:36-40)