Wait Well

Photo Credit: ArielleEstoria.com

That was the resounding message in my heart as I roamed John F. Kennedy Airport in NYC for the 5th hour in a row. Being raised by a military dad meant that I arrived there more than 3 hours early for my flight. Then came the bombshell that the flight was delayed by 3 hours. Then, *drum roll please* ...it was delayed by yet another hour. This was definitely not the kind of day I was looking forward to, especially since I had a 14 hour flight, a layover, and another 5 hour flight thereafter to get to my homeland, Kenya. I’m tired all over again just thinking about it and the trip happened over a month ago!

In the midst of it all, I couldn’t help but notice the uncanny parallel between my life and those delays. Better yet, my RESPONSE to those delays. Oh, the sweet sting of conviction as the Holy Spirit floods you with memories of past prayers for patience and deepened trust.

Welp! Here was the moment to practice patience and to stand firm on the promise of Romans 8:28 that every single thing that happens in my life truly works out for my good. But what was I doing instead? Murmuring like the Israelites in the wilderness who didn't even know they were about a week away from their Promised Land! (That's a sermon by itself right there but let me move on).

Never Been Kissed

Life never turned out the way I imagine it would. I am 21, a sophomore in college, have never had a boyfriend, never been on a date, and definitely never been kissed! About 85% of my friends are either in relationships, or married. Because of this, jealousy, insecurity, hatred, and low self-esteem have built up in my heart.

I have always been that girl that never gets any attention from guys, and I wanted to get noticed by them. I wanted them to know that I existed. I did not love myself. I did not accept the fact that was I fearfully and wonderfully made in the image of God (Psalm 139:14).

I was afraid to look in the mirror because in my mind I was not beautiful. I compared myself to other girls at my school, magazines, and television, and in my mind they were more beautiful than me. When it came to my own definition of beauty I only looked on the outside. I wanted to have what my friends had, that girls on television had, and I wanted to have a boyfriend! While I had dream and imagine about finding “the one,” I never thought that I needed to prepare myself to be “the one.”

Do Better

Can we just take a moment to appreciate the godly desires we have! How amazing it is that we desire to do life God’s way! Living counter-culture is no joke! So again, I beseech you to really take a moment to truly appreciate our daily feats!

Selah!

I’ve become so aware of the kind of advice out there for us singles that’s so contrary to living pure and set-apart lives. Some sound like never ending lists of thou-shalt-not’s. Others are just straight up desperate tactics to get a man. “Just walk past his desk and accidentally drop something and bend to pick it up without bending your knees.” Like, seriously?

Both sets of advice miss the fullness of God’s blessing for and in a relationship. The former places the focus on the restrictions of obedience vs. the benefits of it.  The latter is just plain desperate and out of God’s will. Remember “he that findeth…?”

Being Patient Through the Process

My name is Kenyetta and I am currently pursuing a degree in business administration at a local community college.  I have been attending my school since the spring of 2013. Although the school is considered to be a 2-year institute that does not necessarily mean you are expected to complete your program within that exact time frame.

A few people have asked me, “Kenyetta, why have you not yet transferred to a 4-year college?” Well, I will first say that I am truly appreciative to be given the opportunity of receiving a higher education. Secondly, I personally chose to attend a Jr. College because it was affordable and I refused to take out student loans if I did not have to. Lastly, I was not fully sure of what I wanted to do in my life, so I thought it was best to take small steps.

With so many voices telling me which direction to take often left me feeling discouraged. Compared to many of my friends who were attending 4-year universities, I did not feel as capable of making such achievements. I would begin questioning if I was could actually excel in college. Continuously comparing myself was not the best way to handle my situation Overtime I began to appreciate more of what God was teaching me throughout this process, and that was patience.

Top Tips for Being Set Apart in College #SetApartLifestyle

Our speakers for the Set Apart Lifestyle: College event know all about being set apart in college for they have had to navigate their liberal college campus as a Christian. This week we will be sharing with you some of their resources on being set apart in college. 

Speaker: Joy Pedrow  - Website
"Transitioning from high school to college is a major change. New place to live, new friends, new classes, independence, and freedom. You have the freedom to do anything and be anyone you want. This freedom can lead to brokenness if you choose to follow the world instead of God." - Joy Pedrow


Speaker: Crystal Oji - YouTube Channel
In this video Crystal discusses most struggles saved Christians face in college. She also talks about things to expect as a saved Freshman going to college or a new individual in Christ. Lastly she also gives helpful tips to help you get through some tough times in college!


Host: Tierraney Richardson - Website

"One of these things is not like the other. That could have been the theme song that sums up my college years. I know how it feels to be an outsider. Everyone around you seems to be drinking, clubbing, and partying. And here you are the Christian girl holding to her morals who has no desire to engage in the type of "fun" everyone else seems to be a part of. So how do you survive? After all you are stuck there for four years. Four years that seem like an eternity but you will survive. That's your theme song. The key to my survival was..." Click Continue reading

Set Apart Lifestyle: College

Clear your calendar! Set Apart Lifestyle: College kicks off on March 25th, and you're invited to take part in the first of many She is Set Apart Lifestyle Events. Our topic is on being set apart in college.This FREE 3 hour event will feature a Q&A panel, mini-workshops, spoken word and more. The focus of this event is to give practical tips on how to navigate the college life while still living for Christ.  The University of Houston (4800 Calhoun Road) is our meeting spot for a night of encouragement and real talk. Come one, come all, bring a guest, and let's grow together. This is going to be epic! RSVP to claim your FREE spot now - works only on laptop and desktop.

Single, Saved, and Parenting!

My journey of singleness really only began three years ago. Prior to this, I had been saved for 2 years and backslidden for 3. I guess I really craved the comfort, affirmation and validation that I thought only exists in a relationship. I had no real revelation of grace and had almost aborted my destiny. But God is faithful, and even in my mess, He pulled me and my then 9-month old daughter out of a dysfunctional relationship.

So there began my journey. It wasn’t just about being physically single, but of learning to become exclusively His: physically, mentally and emotionally devoted to Christ. I believe that no matter how much we may have compromised in the past, we don’t have to settle for a life of compromise as a result. God desires for and enables us to live in purity, free from sin, guilt, condemnation and shame.

My journey these past few years has been one of healing, learning obedience, and trusting God through it all. Soon enough, I found myself learning to enjoy the present and remain hopeful for the future. Yet, there was still something missing. For a long time, I still felt a discontentment deep down.

Decoding The Mystery

“The heart of human excellence often begins to beat when you discover a pursuit that absorbs you, frees you, challenges you, or gives you a sense of meaning, joy, or passion.”―Terry Orlick 

So often, we pray for the Lord to bless us: bless us with a new car, a job, a husband, or what-not. As great as these things are, most of us fail to realize that these things are merely tools for us to use, in order, to fulfill our God-given destiny.

See, inside each of us is a code, and contained within this code is the revelation of who we truly are and the purpose for our lives. Psalm 139:16 reads, "You saw me before I was born and scheduled each day of my life before I began to breathe. Every day was recorded in your Book!" God is our Creator. He is the only one who is capable of unlocking the code that's inside us. As we actively pursue the presence of God [His character, His thoughts, His heart], He'll diligently reveal His unique purpose for our lives.  

Is He The One?

“Oooh maybe he’s the one.”

“Oh no...him….”

”Ooooooh no it’s definitely him”…

”Lord, what do you think?….naah it’s him”

”Girl did you see the way those guys were lifting up their hands in worship?”

“Let’s go back next week to seize the bae”

Sound familiar?

If you’re somewhat active on social media nowadays, you can agree that almost every post is about marriage, engagement, pre wedding photo shoots, side chicks, relationship goals, how to catch a man, 10 things men want in their future wives, 5 reasons why he didn’t text back, and so much more. It’s no wonder why our thoughts have been bombarded with the pressures of getting into a relationship or finding a husband.

Just Another Bitter Single Girl

A couple of weeks ago, my family had something very shocking happen. My brother in law walked out on my sister and my 6-month-old niece.

None of us saw the cracks that were present in their marriage. To all of us, our brother in law seemed to be a gift from God—not just for my sister, but also for the whole family. To my mum, he was the older son to my younger brother that would teach him all the things that us sisters couldn’t. For us girls, he was the model of what it looked like to love your wife and her family. On the surface it seemed that he was our model of what the perfect man looked like.

As a young girl, growing up I read in countless magazines how it is important to have a list of all the qualities and attributes (physical or otherwise) that you wish for your future partner to have. The younger version of me saw herself marrying the modern day version of Prince Charming. In some of these daydreams, I too would be like Snow White feeding deer and seven dwarfs until Prince Charming got home after a hard day at work and of course he had with him a dozen (non-poisonous) red apples.

Set Apart SPOTLIGHT ft. Rosie Awori

I was in a relationship for a long time. And I was the relationship had its ups and downs, but overall, I was happy with it. Then I began to pursue God seriously. I waded out of the waters of stagnation and let Him into every aspect of my life.

But when I decided to let Him guide me through everything, He touched on my relationship. I coiled like a porcupine shooting spines to protect MY relationship.

Then I took a step back and let God show me why He needed me to be isolated. For the longest time I put everything into this relationship to make it look perfect. Even though I consulted God in everything, I never consulted Him when it came to this relationship. It was mine, and although we were both Christians, I was not living up to my full potential--always concerned what the other party would think. Risks were barely a part of my choices and nowhere close to being in my vocabulary.

We prayed and professed to putting God first, but there was an unequal yoking where we were not helping each other to grow. Soon, we realized that we were crowding each other and a single pursuit of God was necessary for growth.

When I did finally, wholly trust God, I walked into a whole new kind of a life--one in which my choices are single handedly drawn by Him, and every decision I take I know I am backed by the Alpha and Omega. It is not easy, but it is worth it because I trust Him as the potter moulding me for my purpose in His plan. I will wait on Him to perfect me for my destiny.

Not A Ruth (Why I Won’t Pursue A Man Again)

There I was again, asking him where we stood. Were we going to pursue a relationship or not?

I wanted to pursue one; why else would I keep asking? But every time I had to wait for his answer, I held onto the possibility even more. The last time I asked, I knew it had to be just that—the last time I would pursue him. The last time I would hold on to hope, and instead, the time to let it go no matter how painful it might be.

That wasn’t the only time I pursued. A few years before that, I chased a guy who had been going through a break up. I showed up where I knew he was going to be. I started listening to the same kind of music he liked. I didn’t want my one and only chance for love to get away. If you’ve read my other stories about my singleness, you’ll know that eventually I did get him after I prayed for him but in the end, I knew it wasn’t what God wanted for me.

Singleness is a Time to Build Up | Part 1

Careful planning puts you ahead in the long run; hurry and scurry puts you further behind. Proverbs 21:5

There is no better season in life than singleness to do things probably you will not have time to do later. Things which will put you ahead in the long run in life. This is the theme of this post, to let you know this your opportunity to build up a purposeful life which will harvest good fruits later in life. Even more, if you plan well, you will see those fruits in your children’s life also.

Singleness is a time to:

1.    Grow up spiritually: Many writers have written about this subject, so I will only add that you probably will not have as much free time as you wish later in life. Marriage and children, although great blessings, are also huge energy and time consumers. This is the best time to set up a deep relationship with God

Steady, My Heart

“The light of God will cause you to give up a man you can see for a man you cannot see!”  Bishop T.D Jakes

I saw this on my Instagram feed and immediately had to stop and have a moment with God. This quote transported me into my past, reminding me of the many mixed emotions that were involved when my previous relationships ended. I remember feeling like I had gotten the green light from God about pursuing a relationship with each person. I had prayed, fasted, done character evaluations (of them), considered our many previous conversations about God, life and love and felt like we had aligned beliefs and visions for the future. When things started coming up that showed otherwise, I was devastated! Was God now saying the opposite? Had I heard wrong? Had I heard at all?

Oh but I did hear... selectively! I was so busy listening for a confirmation that I missed the convictions. God was trying to show me areas that I needed to grow more in but i wasn't looking to hear that. Clearly, I missed the hints. What ended up happening instead, was that I’d only gotten a clear vision on the other person’s shortcomings, remaining blind to my own. But doesn’t it take two to tango? Sometimes we have to let go because WE are the problem. We attract who we are and when our identity doesn't reflect Christ, neither will our partners’. These unholy relationships can only breed compromise.

He Says I'm Worth It But Am I?

His pursuit is constant, unwavering and unmatched. However, at times, we can't help but think: Am I actually worth pursuing? Does He really want all of me? The answer is YES! Even the most darkest and untouchable parts of ourselves we refuse to acknowledge or have buried over time, He wants it all and He wants it all today. It doesn't make sense that despite my past, the mistakes I made that He would pursue me relentlessly but the truth is His pursuit is intentional, pure and weighted with a purpose. By nailing himself on the cross to carry all mankind's sins serves as a reminder that we were worth it and the beauty of it all is that we didn't even have to say yes to Him first.

The Big "V"



Photo Credit: Arielle Estoria Chroniclesofalioness.com

Had that “no new friends” bandwagon that people have been jumping on left and right come out a few years ago, I would be sitting front row and center. Even though I’m a very friendly person, I’m also private and it wasn’t until a few years ago that I also used this as an excuse not to let people in. I talked to a lot of people but my interactions for a long time were limited to courteous ‘hellos’ and ‘how’s your week been?’ I was content with my handful of close friends, and my family who were my support system and  accountability partners.

7 Reasons You Should Love Yourself





Photo Credit: Arielle Estoria Chroniclesofalioness.com

I went through most of my life wishing I could be someone else. Someone who was popular, went out with friends, had a boyfriend or two, and knew all the right things to say. Instead, I stayed home most of the time, reading books, watching TV, and waiting for the day when something in my life would change.

That day happened when I was in my early twenties and I accepted Jesus as my Lord and Savior.

There are many things that Jesus says in the Bible that to most would be considered scandalous. But one of the things He commanded is something that even to the daughters of God can be hard to accept.

“Teacher, which is the great commandment in the law?”
Jesus said to him, “You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind.’ This is the first and great commandment. And the second is like it: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ On these two commandments hand all the Law and the Prophets.”  (Matthew 22:36-40)

Better Remain Single

Photo Credit: Arielle Estoria Chroniclesofalioness.com

A couple of friends of mine have recently started dating. Contrary to how society would paint the picture of the single friend in a group of friends who are all in relationships, I don’t feel any envy, bitterness or jealousy. Gone are the feelings of self-loathing where I’d grab the magnifying glass and desperately ask God to help me in my analysis of what was or still is wrong with me. It hasn’t always been this way; in fact there are days where God has to strongly remind me that He created me to be more than someone’s girlfriend or wife. How often do we hear that in society though?

Two weeks ago I was at church and the pastor shared very briefly about how when she was single, she felt as though she was missing something and was at the end of her rope, then a week later at a wedding I attended, another pastor asked all the single people to stand up and those who didn’t stand were told that they’d miss out on their blessing. We tread on dangerous territory when we allow the standards and expectations of society to dictate the words that are spoken in the church. Nowhere in the Bible does Christ say we will miss our blessing if we’re single, in fact in the book of 1 Corinthians 7:40, Paul tells us that in his opinion it would be better to remain single.

Singleness = Loved

You are loved believe that.

We can not base God's unconditional love for us off of fickle conditional human love.

God so loved the world that he GAVE his only son. Same should be for us. We love so we GIVE. I think that's why my love language is gift giving and receiving. When I love I give gifts to people. And I feel most loved when others give things to me. I guess because that reminds me of how God gave his son for me. Although I was so underserving he felt I was worth it.

I think as a single it's so important to find out identity and worth in Christ before we run into a relationship and try to find our identity and worth in that other human.

One day I felt real stupid when I realized how I was unknowingly comparing God's love to human love. 

"God's love should never be distorted or diminished by comparing it with the friendship or love of any human who has let me down, rejected me, betrayed me, or lied about me." - Spoken For Book