How to Deal With Your Daddy Issues In Singleness

This week we are sharing with you a video interview we did with Kia Stephens of Father Swap titled, Single Daughters and Silent Fathers.

Many women have grown up without a father present in their lives.  Even if he was around and you grew up with him he was not really active in your life and maybe you didn't really have a relationship with him.  In this interview we discuss how growing up without your father impacts your romantic relationships.  Kia also provides practical steps you can take right now as a single to be healed from your daddy issues and wounds.  

Single, Saved, and Parenting!

My journey of singleness really only began three years ago. Prior to this, I had been saved for 2 years and backslidden for 3. I guess I really craved the comfort, affirmation and validation that I thought only exists in a relationship. I had no real revelation of grace and had almost aborted my destiny. But God is faithful, and even in my mess, He pulled me and my then 9-month old daughter out of a dysfunctional relationship.

So there began my journey. It wasn’t just about being physically single, but of learning to become exclusively His: physically, mentally and emotionally devoted to Christ. I believe that no matter how much we may have compromised in the past, we don’t have to settle for a life of compromise as a result. God desires for and enables us to live in purity, free from sin, guilt, condemnation and shame.

My journey these past few years has been one of healing, learning obedience, and trusting God through it all. Soon enough, I found myself learning to enjoy the present and remain hopeful for the future. Yet, there was still something missing. For a long time, I still felt a discontentment deep down.

Decoding The Mystery

“The heart of human excellence often begins to beat when you discover a pursuit that absorbs you, frees you, challenges you, or gives you a sense of meaning, joy, or passion.”―Terry Orlick 

So often, we pray for the Lord to bless us: bless us with a new car, a job, a husband, or what-not. As great as these things are, most of us fail to realize that these things are merely tools for us to use, in order, to fulfill our God-given destiny.

See, inside each of us is a code, and contained within this code is the revelation of who we truly are and the purpose for our lives. Psalm 139:16 reads, "You saw me before I was born and scheduled each day of my life before I began to breathe. Every day was recorded in your Book!" God is our Creator. He is the only one who is capable of unlocking the code that's inside us. As we actively pursue the presence of God [His character, His thoughts, His heart], He'll diligently reveal His unique purpose for our lives.  

Set Apart SPOTLIGHT ft. Emily Posch

There are a million reasons to put something off. We tell each other all about the “signs that God sent us” to do a particular thing, but only when it’s convenient. Only when it’s something we want to do…and more than the other things we’d like to do.  

So after I had spent weeks with one thought in the back of my mind—“why are there no ministries for single Christian women?”—I discovered She is Set Apart via Instagram. And I did nothing.  

Oh, I sure said I would. I told all of my close girlfriends all about it. “They need people to contribute! Let’s share our testimonies!” And I’d pull open Word and start typing…and then realize that it was absolutely necessary to go buy avocados or run the laundry that very second.  

I think my biggest hang-up was wondering how I would convince you, dear reader, how valued and loved you are by your Father. How cherished you are by your Savior. How to not make the same mistakes I did.

Singleness = Loved

You are loved believe that.

We can not base God's unconditional love for us off of fickle conditional human love.

God so loved the world that he GAVE his only son. Same should be for us. We love so we GIVE. I think that's why my love language is gift giving and receiving. When I love I give gifts to people. And I feel most loved when others give things to me. I guess because that reminds me of how God gave his son for me. Although I was so underserving he felt I was worth it.

I think as a single it's so important to find out identity and worth in Christ before we run into a relationship and try to find our identity and worth in that other human.

One day I felt real stupid when I realized how I was unknowingly comparing God's love to human love. 

"God's love should never be distorted or diminished by comparing it with the friendship or love of any human who has let me down, rejected me, betrayed me, or lied about me." - Spoken For Book