Top 10 Blog Posts on Singleness for 2016

What a wonderful year it has been for She is Set Apart! We hosted our second She is Set Apart Singles conference - click here to access, launched our first ever devotional titled, Singleness = _________ - click here to access, and published some of the best blog posts on Biblical singleness. Let's take a look back at our Top 10 blog posts on Singleness of 2016.

Number 1. Not a Ruth (Why I Won't Ever Pursue A Man Again).


Number 2. Set Apart Spotlight ft. Ashleigh Manor 

Number 3. Set Apart Spotlight ft. Rosie Awori

Number 4. Fun Things to Do While Single

Number 5. Do Better

Number 6. What if He didn't Break Your Heart.

Number 7. Wait Well

Number 8. Never Been Kissed

Number 9. Set Apart Spotlight ft. Ida Pahus

Number 10. The Journey of Singleness

Becoming Content in Your Season of Singleness

For a long time I felt like I needed to be in a relationship to feel secure about my future. My heart was anxious. I wanted to lock down my future husband so there would be no doubt that I would get married. But, after my most recent break up I didn’t want to be sad. I prayed and prayed to God to help me get through this. The more I prayed the more confidence I gained and the more confident I became the more content I was. I know that God has someone for me but right now is a season of singleness and I am okay with that.

In 1st Timothy 6:7-8 it says “After all, we brought nothing with us when we came into the world, and we can’t take anything with us when we leave it. So if we have enough food and clothing, let us be content.” This verse really helped me realize that I don’t need a boyfriend/fiancé/husband to be fulfilled. I only need Jesus. He is everything I need. Nothing in this world will satisfy me as much as the Lord will.

I don’t know about you but I definitely heard those words over and over again especially growing up in the church. But when I started to speak those words over my life I actually started to believe them. Something amazing happens when you honestly start to believe the promises God has given to you. Then once you apply it to your life, trust me, you will be awe-struck. It really is amazing how God can overwhelm you with a sense of peace and contentment.  

How to Maximize Your Single Season

This week we are sharing with you a video interview we did with Janelle Brown the founder of Fearfully Fashion titled, Maximizing Our singleness.

In this interview Janelle provides some practical steps we can take to maximize our single season through blogging. So if you have ever been interested in starting a blog this video is for you.

In addition to that if you are a college student going back to school very soon join Tierraney and Janelle for Back to School Survival Guide Workshop which is a online workshop series to help you sail through your studies, enjoy campus life and maximize your single season while in college. Click here to sign up

Fun Things to Do While Single!

Photo Credit: Miss Tierraney from MissTierraney.com

For todays blog we asked ladies in all seasons of life some fun things they liked to do while single. I hope that this post will encourage you to maximize your single season and enjoy every minute of it.

"One fun thing I like doing as a single is getting dressed up and going to my favorite coffee shop, getting something to eat and either sit and read or write in my journal or go walking at the farmers market. I think it's incredibly important to spend time alone learning to be content as a single without having to have lots of people around to make you happy." - Kristen Neumann | Blog

"I think that one fun thing to do while single is to have dates with yourself. I call it me time . For the me time I spend with myself I can be in the Word of God but it won't be in room. I like to take myself out." Not many women do that and it is unfortunate. You must be able to live with yourself. A lot of ladies cannot even stay alone for five minutes but you must learn to do it. Remember this man will occupy your life for the rest of your life.

She is Set Apart Singles Conference 2016

Clear your calendar - It's going down! She is Set Apart Singles Conference kicks off on September 16th, and you're invited to take part in the festivities. We're making this conference virtual and it will be live and online. It's FREE so come one, come all, & share with a friend.. This is going to be transformational! Registration is required to access the live conference and to be eligible for any and all giveaways. CLICK HERE TO REGISTER

How to be Content in Singleness

This week we are sharing with you a video interview we did with Yumi titled, Contentment in Singleness.

As single women we have to make a daily decision to choose to be content in our singleness. Contentment is not just a one time thing. You do not magically find contentment and then remain content from then on.  Instead you have to continually fight to be content. In this interview Yumi provides some practical steps we can take to be content in our singleness.

How Media Influences the Single Woman

This week we are sharing with you a video interview we did with Christi Given host of JUCE TV titled, Media Influence and the Single Woman.

How do you feel about being a single woman? Whatever your answer was the way you view your singleness is heavily influenced by the media you consume.  TV shows, music, and social media influences our life.  The influence can either be positive or negative.  It is important that as a woman of God especially being single that we are cautious of the media that we allow ourselves to consume.  As a Christian woman who works in the entertainment industry Christi gives advice to single women on how they can guard their heart from negative media.

So You Are Single?

“Yes. I am single. “I replied smiling. The man looked at me. He could not understand how a pretty woman like me could still be single at my age (I am 26 by the grace of God)!!! His reaction made me laugh. I mean why should I enter into a relationship, I asked him. He replied “I believe that A relationship will lead you into marriage”, I smiled and told him “A relationship should have a purpose; I cannot just date or enter in a marriage with no purpose and no vision.”

The Bible teaches us in John 3:16 that Christ was sent for a purpose. He was saved so we could not perish in hell but have everlasting life. By the Grace of God, I strongly believe that all I do and will do in the future has a purpose. My life has a purpose. My singleness has a purpose. My finances status has a purpose. My friendship has a purpose. If I remove the purpose, I remove my identity in Christ. Christ is my image and His Word tells me that all He does has a purpose.

How to Deal With Your Daddy Issues In Singleness

This week we are sharing with you a video interview we did with Kia Stephens of Father Swap titled, Single Daughters and Silent Fathers.

Many women have grown up without a father present in their lives.  Even if he was around and you grew up with him he was not really active in your life and maybe you didn't really have a relationship with him.  In this interview we discuss how growing up without your father impacts your romantic relationships.  Kia also provides practical steps you can take right now as a single to be healed from your daddy issues and wounds.  

How to Thrive in Your Singleness

This week we are sharing with you an interview we did with Yumi on thriving in your singleness.

In this interview we discuss the heart behind She is Set Apart. We also answer questions such as is being single during the holidays harder and is singleness looked down upon by society and the church?  We also give advice on dealing with loneliness in your singleness and how to prevent settling.

You can also click here to check out our interview we did with Yumi on our channel about how to be content during our singleness.

Journey to Favor

I always saw myself as a wife. I could cook, clean and perform my wifely duties as appropriate. So I knew that once I found the right man my natural wifely abilities would naturally shine through. I had it all figured out. I could quote Proverbs 18 :22 backwards.


“He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor in the Lord.”

I was favor I was a good thing. I trailed through one relationship after another trying to prove I was favor. And when they ended badly I would
always say, “He just didn’t realize the good thing he had.” This was a pattern I followed for years trying to make a man see me as favorable. Only to be disappointed when he left me to pursue someone else just as promising. I was on a collision course with destruction and we were just about to collide. I had to change, my mind had to change, my ideas had to change. First change that took place was relationships took a back seat to my Father. I had to put God in his rightful position in my life. God could not and would ride shotgun in my sinful relationship endeavors. He had to be the driver of my love life. I came to place where I realized being single was a gift to be embraced. Once I gave my life to God amazing things started to happen. I realized that I was already favorable to him. God loved me I was his “good thing”. I didn’t have to be a great cook, an excellent house keeper or a gymnast in the bedroom. He loved me just as I was. Once I allowed God into my life he revealed to me a life that this world just was not capable of giving me. I could no longer use culture and the world to give me the tools I needed to make me “wife material”. I had to seek the author of marriage to understand. I had to read the greatest love story ever written to understand what an appropriate help meet was. As I started living a life that centered around Matthew 6:33,

“But seek ye first the kingdom of God as his righteousness and all these will be added to you”

Dear Grown Woman, Know Your Worth

Most growing women get the wrong impression of what 'being in a relationship' is. Is it social media? Or simply the upbringing? I can't tell but its very observable- most growing women want to be in a relationship for all the wrong reasons.

Going into a relationship, most young women fail to set objectives and most importantly, standards. They exhibit behaviours because "that's what is done in the movies" or "that's what my friend does in her own relationship". Please listen: Because it's in the movies or it's been exhibited by other people does not make it right!

One of the most beautiful qualities a growing woman can have is a mind of her own. Yes! You heard it right- have a mind of your own. You don't have to let your partner drag you both down and also, you don't have to feel like you're anyone's savior. Save yourself first.

Know New Friends

There are so many things now that I wish someone had told me prior to going to college… and it definitely didn’t involve the ‘scare stories’ about campus life; don’t get drunk because it can lead to rape, don’t sleep around because everyone knows what the “walk of shame” looks like, don’t embarrass your family and friends like you don’t have home training… The list went on and on.

Sidebar: Are these legitimate concerns worthy of your attention? ABSOLUTELY! Always practice caution at all times, on and off campus.

Going to back to my original thought, what was missing that we often see even in evangelism? What is to be gained out of college life especially under the privilege of being a believer! There’s so much to look forward to. So many friends to make, so much growing and maturing to do, so much wisdom and knowledge to gain that can’t happen otherwise.

What If He Didn’t Break Your Heart?

Sticks and stones may break our bones, but the lack of words may hurt too.

We, as women, often break our own hearts, not because we are demeaning of ourselves, but because we allow ourselves to become enveloped in false hopes, that we technically create all our own.  

Over time I’ve learned one simple rule, when it comes to dating with purpose. And, that is not to assume that a man wants something with you, if he hasn’t made that clear. The truth is that men, more often than not, say what they mean. If you listen to the things that a man tells you, typically his heart, and by heart I mean true intentions, not necessarily his feelings, will spill out of his mouth.

“A good man out of the good treasure of his heart bringeth forth that which is good; and an evil man out of the evil treasure of his heart bringeth forth that which is evil: for of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaketh.” Luke 6:45

Get Involved

So I started the year 2016 with these two phrases upper most in my heart – GET INVOLVED. I purposed in my heart that I was going to stretch myself more in advancing the kingdom of God and seeing the will of God being done in my home, workplace, community and my nation at large.

How does this tie in with our period of singleness? It is very obvious. Taking a look at 1st Corinthians 7 where Apostle Paul was giving an exhortation on marriage and singleness, we can see that this is a period where as singles we should be concerned about doing all that we can to advance the agenda of God here on the earth.

In my own life, I am becoming more and more fulfilled as I realize that every single day that I spend here on the earth is contributing towards something eternal and glorious. While I do not have everything all figured out, it is calming and peaceful to know that God Himself is in charge and in control.

Set Apart SPOTLIGHT: Kirsten Neumann

I was reading a book a couple of weeks ago, and in it a character quoted Song of Solomon 8:6 “Place me like a seal on your arm and like a seal upon your heart.” This led me to listen to the song You Won’t Relent by Misty Edwards. 

For the last few years-since grade eight, really, God has been working in me and teaching me about love. It actually all started out because a guy I really, really liked kind of led me on and then told me he didn’t reciprocate the feelings after a few months.

So, God started showing me what love is. And not just Love, but how He saw me. He started giving me verses like Psalm 103: 17 “But from everlasting to everlasting the Lord’s love is with those who fear him, and his righteousness with their children’s children.” Or leading me to books that really helped me see he loves me just the way I am.  

As an unmarried young lady, I’d like to get married someday. I have the whole white picket fence, two and a half kids and perfect husband who is completely romantic while working a good steady job and will never let me down. Unfortunately, even I know that it’s an unrealistic dream.

Nourish Your Spirit

It was Mother’s Day and I was at the spa. While sitting in the lounge room overlooking the ocean I was overcome with sadness. I had completely changed my life. I gave up the lifestyle that had destroyed so many parts of me.  I went back to church and done everything that I could possibly think of to make things right. Yet sadness still managed to permeate through all of that.

And as I sat in solitude it hit me. I had been putting my energy into all the wrong things.  All of my mental energy was used up focusing on how to rebuild my life and none was spent rebuilding my spirit.

See, your life and your spirit are two very different things and if you don’t realize it you can waste a whole lot of time trying to have a fruitful life whist allowing your spirit to perish. And that is what I had done. I was so focused on creating a good life, a life that was socially acceptable and pleasing to those I loved and I had completely neglected to nourish my spirit.

To an outsider it appeared that my life was progressing but if I allowed you to get close enough you would find that my spirit told a completely different story.

How do I Know When I'm Ready to Consider a Relationship?

"How will I know when I'm ready to consider a relationship?" As someone who is in a relationship, I get this question asked of me constantly. And honestly, it becomes harder and harder to answer the more I learn about Gods view of relationships. You see, God highly values relationships because He highly values marriage. The relationship between a man and a woman in marriage is probably Gods favorite relationship to participate in. Why else would He include it in the second chapter of the bible? 

Unfortunately, the bible says very little about dating relationships between men and women and, what’s even more conflicting, is that there is little advice for when to pursue a relationship. The most He gives us is this verse: 

Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.

Genesis 2:24 ESV

However, we can find more indications of what God expects of us before pursuing relationships than we may at first think. 

Set Apart Lifestyle: College 2016 Recap

Set Apart Lifestyle: College was held on March 25, 2016 at the University of Houston - Central Campus in Houston, TX. The goal of this event was to provide Christian college students with practical tips to Christian navigate through their liberal college environments.

The Journey of Singleness

"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

The struggle, we as single women face so often, is the picture we have embedded in our heads of how our lives are supposed to be. If that snapshot in your dream-scrapbook includes a handsome hubby by your side, you’re probably wondering about now where he is. Yeah, I thought he’d be here by now. Plenty of other godly, single women are thinking the same thing. I included... But my heart breaks, for the many women I have met over the years, who have settled for less than their God-given best and gave in on the journey of waiting. 

Women who didn’t believe that they were worth the fight and incredibly amazing...I am saddened by how easy it is, for us women to give our hearts away, sometimes to the most undeserving of men. Women will only begin to be choosy, when they believe that they are worth choosing. When we begin to believe we are treasures worth finding our mindsets, instantly begin to change. 

Wait Well

Photo Credit: ArielleEstoria.com

That was the resounding message in my heart as I roamed John F. Kennedy Airport in NYC for the 5th hour in a row. Being raised by a military dad meant that I arrived there more than 3 hours early for my flight. Then came the bombshell that the flight was delayed by 3 hours. Then, *drum roll please* ...it was delayed by yet another hour. This was definitely not the kind of day I was looking forward to, especially since I had a 14 hour flight, a layover, and another 5 hour flight thereafter to get to my homeland, Kenya. I’m tired all over again just thinking about it and the trip happened over a month ago!

In the midst of it all, I couldn’t help but notice the uncanny parallel between my life and those delays. Better yet, my RESPONSE to those delays. Oh, the sweet sting of conviction as the Holy Spirit floods you with memories of past prayers for patience and deepened trust.

Welp! Here was the moment to practice patience and to stand firm on the promise of Romans 8:28 that every single thing that happens in my life truly works out for my good. But what was I doing instead? Murmuring like the Israelites in the wilderness who didn't even know they were about a week away from their Promised Land! (That's a sermon by itself right there but let me move on).

Never Been Kissed

Life never turned out the way I imagine it would. I am 21, a sophomore in college, have never had a boyfriend, never been on a date, and definitely never been kissed! About 85% of my friends are either in relationships, or married. Because of this, jealousy, insecurity, hatred, and low self-esteem have built up in my heart.

I have always been that girl that never gets any attention from guys, and I wanted to get noticed by them. I wanted them to know that I existed. I did not love myself. I did not accept the fact that was I fearfully and wonderfully made in the image of God (Psalm 139:14).

I was afraid to look in the mirror because in my mind I was not beautiful. I compared myself to other girls at my school, magazines, and television, and in my mind they were more beautiful than me. When it came to my own definition of beauty I only looked on the outside. I wanted to have what my friends had, that girls on television had, and I wanted to have a boyfriend! While I had dream and imagine about finding “the one,” I never thought that I needed to prepare myself to be “the one.”

Do Better

Can we just take a moment to appreciate the godly desires we have! How amazing it is that we desire to do life God’s way! Living counter-culture is no joke! So again, I beseech you to really take a moment to truly appreciate our daily feats!

Selah!

I’ve become so aware of the kind of advice out there for us singles that’s so contrary to living pure and set-apart lives. Some sound like never ending lists of thou-shalt-not’s. Others are just straight up desperate tactics to get a man. “Just walk past his desk and accidentally drop something and bend to pick it up without bending your knees.” Like, seriously?

Both sets of advice miss the fullness of God’s blessing for and in a relationship. The former places the focus on the restrictions of obedience vs. the benefits of it.  The latter is just plain desperate and out of God’s will. Remember “he that findeth…?”

Being Patient Through the Process

My name is Kenyetta and I am currently pursuing a degree in business administration at a local community college.  I have been attending my school since the spring of 2013. Although the school is considered to be a 2-year institute that does not necessarily mean you are expected to complete your program within that exact time frame.

A few people have asked me, “Kenyetta, why have you not yet transferred to a 4-year college?” Well, I will first say that I am truly appreciative to be given the opportunity of receiving a higher education. Secondly, I personally chose to attend a Jr. College because it was affordable and I refused to take out student loans if I did not have to. Lastly, I was not fully sure of what I wanted to do in my life, so I thought it was best to take small steps.

With so many voices telling me which direction to take often left me feeling discouraged. Compared to many of my friends who were attending 4-year universities, I did not feel as capable of making such achievements. I would begin questioning if I was could actually excel in college. Continuously comparing myself was not the best way to handle my situation Overtime I began to appreciate more of what God was teaching me throughout this process, and that was patience.

Top Tips for Being Set Apart in College #SetApartLifestyle

Our speakers for the Set Apart Lifestyle: College event know all about being set apart in college for they have had to navigate their liberal college campus as a Christian. This week we will be sharing with you some of their resources on being set apart in college. 

Speaker: Joy Pedrow  - Website
"Transitioning from high school to college is a major change. New place to live, new friends, new classes, independence, and freedom. You have the freedom to do anything and be anyone you want. This freedom can lead to brokenness if you choose to follow the world instead of God." - Joy Pedrow


Speaker: Crystal Oji - YouTube Channel
In this video Crystal discusses most struggles saved Christians face in college. She also talks about things to expect as a saved Freshman going to college or a new individual in Christ. Lastly she also gives helpful tips to help you get through some tough times in college!


Host: Tierraney Richardson - Website

"One of these things is not like the other. That could have been the theme song that sums up my college years. I know how it feels to be an outsider. Everyone around you seems to be drinking, clubbing, and partying. And here you are the Christian girl holding to her morals who has no desire to engage in the type of "fun" everyone else seems to be a part of. So how do you survive? After all you are stuck there for four years. Four years that seem like an eternity but you will survive. That's your theme song. The key to my survival was..." Click Continue reading

Set Apart Lifestyle: College

Clear your calendar! Set Apart Lifestyle: College kicks off on March 25th, and you're invited to take part in the first of many She is Set Apart Lifestyle Events. Our topic is on being set apart in college.This FREE 3 hour event will feature a Q&A panel, mini-workshops, spoken word and more. The focus of this event is to give practical tips on how to navigate the college life while still living for Christ.  The University of Houston (4800 Calhoun Road) is our meeting spot for a night of encouragement and real talk. Come one, come all, bring a guest, and let's grow together. This is going to be epic! RSVP to claim your FREE spot now - works only on laptop and desktop.

Single, Saved, and Parenting!

My journey of singleness really only began three years ago. Prior to this, I had been saved for 2 years and backslidden for 3. I guess I really craved the comfort, affirmation and validation that I thought only exists in a relationship. I had no real revelation of grace and had almost aborted my destiny. But God is faithful, and even in my mess, He pulled me and my then 9-month old daughter out of a dysfunctional relationship.

So there began my journey. It wasn’t just about being physically single, but of learning to become exclusively His: physically, mentally and emotionally devoted to Christ. I believe that no matter how much we may have compromised in the past, we don’t have to settle for a life of compromise as a result. God desires for and enables us to live in purity, free from sin, guilt, condemnation and shame.

My journey these past few years has been one of healing, learning obedience, and trusting God through it all. Soon enough, I found myself learning to enjoy the present and remain hopeful for the future. Yet, there was still something missing. For a long time, I still felt a discontentment deep down.

Decoding The Mystery

“The heart of human excellence often begins to beat when you discover a pursuit that absorbs you, frees you, challenges you, or gives you a sense of meaning, joy, or passion.”―Terry Orlick 

So often, we pray for the Lord to bless us: bless us with a new car, a job, a husband, or what-not. As great as these things are, most of us fail to realize that these things are merely tools for us to use, in order, to fulfill our God-given destiny.

See, inside each of us is a code, and contained within this code is the revelation of who we truly are and the purpose for our lives. Psalm 139:16 reads, "You saw me before I was born and scheduled each day of my life before I began to breathe. Every day was recorded in your Book!" God is our Creator. He is the only one who is capable of unlocking the code that's inside us. As we actively pursue the presence of God [His character, His thoughts, His heart], He'll diligently reveal His unique purpose for our lives.  

Is He The One?

“Oooh maybe he’s the one.”

“Oh no...him….”

”Ooooooh no it’s definitely him”…

”Lord, what do you think?….naah it’s him”

”Girl did you see the way those guys were lifting up their hands in worship?”

“Let’s go back next week to seize the bae”

Sound familiar?

If you’re somewhat active on social media nowadays, you can agree that almost every post is about marriage, engagement, pre wedding photo shoots, side chicks, relationship goals, how to catch a man, 10 things men want in their future wives, 5 reasons why he didn’t text back, and so much more. It’s no wonder why our thoughts have been bombarded with the pressures of getting into a relationship or finding a husband.

Set Apart SPOTLIGHT ft. Ashleigh Maynor

It was an October Monday morning, and this morning was different. I had dialed my parents house and was waiting for one of my parents to pick up. They both picked up knowing immediately that something was wrong.

The fact that I was wailing over the phone as if someone tried to kill me probably put them on alarm. I did feel like I was dying though! As if someone had a hold around my heart and lungs and were squeezing them like a rag, trying to get every last ounce of life out of them.

Why, was I so distraught you ask? Well, that was the day that I became…single!

You know, the nine-years-of-dating-someone-and-having-a-piece-of-your-life-that-you-thought-you-had-all-figured-out-end-right-before-your-eyes kind of single.

It wasn’t a bad break up. Neither one of us actually wanted to end things, but God had been tugging on my heart for months. Our season together was ending.

Set Apart SPOTLIGHT ft. Mallory Jones

Throughout high school, I was absolutely desperate for attention from any guy that would provide it. My dad passed away when I was 7, and I wasn’t a Christian, so I had no fatherly figure to show me what kind of love I deserved.

 

My search for validation in boys who were just as broken as I am led to involvement with a long string of emotionally abusive guys--guys who wanted me for nothing more than finding entertainment in using and humiliating me.

 

One relationship in particular lasted six years and is something I just got out of recently. Because of it, I built up sky-high walls. Aside from my best friend Matt, whom I’ve known since I was 10, you couldn’t have gotten me close to a guy if you paid me.

 

I simultaneously craved being loved and was completely terrified of finding it.